Help Me With a Biter--Long

[SilverSabre25]

DCB is 18 months and not really communicating much yet--he babbles, he tries to talk, he doesn't answer many questions, he will occasionally use a sign or two (mostly "all done" when he doesn't want to eat what I make for lunch).

A few weeks ago, he bit DD really, really hard on the chest. It was provoked by DD trying to get some toys out of his hands and being really rough about it (I saw it happening but was unable to intervene fast enough). The bite left a huge bruise and some scabbed areas from his teeth where they actually scraped skin off even through her shirt. She has a scar now.

A week or so after that, he tried three times in five minutes to bite two different kids, all provoked (well, one hugged him...), all three attempts failed (the kid provoking him moved away before the teeth could land) but that was luck

Today...omg, today has been h-e-double-hockey-sticks. He bit DD again, through her shirt, right over her poor little nipple. Not quite as bad as before (but that's like saying 80 mph winds are quite as bad as 70 mph winds), but there's still some skin scraped off and a big bruise--the provocation was DD trying to move him out of her room (where he's not allowed to be). Second bite was 2.5 yo DCB, on the chest, not as bad as DD's because that DCB was wearing two shirts. Not sure if that one was provoked, but it earned DCB some time in the kitchen with me because "I can't trust you not to bite". Then he bit a THIRD time just now, same 2.5 you DCB, got him on the cheek. Provocation was older DCB pushing Biter away from a toy Older was playing with and Biter wanted to use, too. This bite wasn't as bad as the rest--barely a mark.

So. I would prefer not to terminate him for a variety of reasons--biggest one being I hate to "give up" on him for a developmentally typical behavior. If he was 3, that's different, but he's really still a baby, and a very nonverbal one at that. I understand WHY the biting is happening, from a developmental perspective. He's here three days a week, for about six hours a day.

My ideas re: Biter are
a) set up a "Biter Jail" for him that's separate from the other kids (using a SuperYard to cordon off part of the playroom) with toys, of course. Problem? He's also Daredevil Boy and can climb out of pack n plays, so probably would be able to climb out of there.
b) have him shadow me, go where I go, never go out of arm's reach of me, and I watch him like a hawk. Problem? The biting incidents have been WEEKS apart; the rest of the time he's been relatively well-behaved, for an 18 month old. Other problem? I have 4 other kids to watch, and I'm only one person.
c) figure out what's causing the biting and address that--obviously, they're provoked, which is better (in my book) than if he was just randomly walking up biting people--but I don't know what's different about these days from the other days. I'm wondering if he's teething? Or over-tired? Or something?
d) termination...but as I said, I really don't prefer this option.
e) other ideas? Keep in mind he's so young and really not very communicative yet. And the main victim is my own kid so it's not like I have angry parents breathing down my neck, . I've made it clear to my (very verbal 3 yo) DD that she is NOT to take things, touch, move, or otherwise antagonize Biter--if she needs help with Biter, ask me and I'll help.

[DCMomOf3]

First, I'd tell you to make sure you are down and playing with him so if you see something starting you can stop the bite before he tries it. You are reinforcing the "we bite food, not friends" right? Also, you could have him transfer his bite to a blanket or some other obect instead of other kids. they understand at 18 months when you tell them no, it's just teaching them that biting people is not the right outlet and teaching what IS an ok outlet. Also reinforcing taking turns, sharing, and not grabbing toys with all the kids.

[broncomom1973]

My ds is a biter. I contacted the local Childrens Resource and Referral for some advice. They said to make sure and address the child that has been bitten. Pick them up or get down and hug them while not acknowledging ds other than telling him "NO BITE" very firmly. When they learn that they are not getting attention from it but the person they are biting is getting attention they usually stop. Well, not so much in ds case, . I basically just watch him like a hawk and try to prevent any "problems" before they occur. If I see him starting to bite I pretty much yell at him "NO BITING" and try to break it up before it happens. He has gotten better, but he uses it as his defense when someone is threatening him. Good luck it is very frustrating, I know.

[WImom]

I had a biter once that anytime I'd get a new child that joined us he'd bite them and I'd have to watch him like a hawk. I pretty much did the shadowing. He went everywhere with me but I didn't give him special attention. It did seem to help. I also did what broncomom did and that worked too.

[DreamBig]

Biting is an issue I've had to deal with a few times too.

Does he have a pacifier? Maybe if he had something in his mouth already, he'd be less likely to bite. (if he doesn't already have one, I wouldn't suggest introducing one just because that in itself could become an issue... but if he already has one then it could work)

I would also suggest watching him like a hawk (as much as possible - obviously you have other children to care for) and try to catch it before or soon after it happens with "no bite" and sit him down wherever he is immediately. Also try to emphasize how much it hurts the other child and how he should not hurt his friends.

Good luck with this, it's a tough issue to deal with.

[Live and Learn]

silverSabre25-
How many kids do you have and what ages?

[safechner]

I can give you the advice, if he bites your daycare kids then I would suggest you put his finger in HIS mouth and push his top head and chin together hard to bite himself. He will be shocking and it hurts. Tell him, " that is how they feel when you bite them." Again, tell him NO bite and he will realize it hurts.

My two daughters used to be biters, and I took advice from my good friend because I was sick of my daughters who bites some of my daycare children many times a long time ago. I do that to my daughters and they cried but they understand what it means and it hurts. They stopped! I have done with my daycare kids too and they stopped it. Of course, their parents know about it and they were very glad they are not doing it anymore. It works very well.

I would speak with his parents to see if they give you a permission first then you can do that. Good Luck!

[SilverSabre25]

I have mostly part-timers, so the numbers vary based on the day--today it was
DD 3
DCB 2.5
DCB 18 months
DCG 16 months

Other days/times, we also have
DCG 21 months
DCB 13 months

My DD is the only one with any significant verbal skills.

I did talk to DCM today and she was very open to working with me to fix the problem. She asked me point blank if I have any advice for her--she's a very young, single mother who has mentioned frequently that she doesn't know the first thing about child development and she seems to be very open to my suggestions. Unfortunately I had very few for her except to explain the age and language connections. She gave me the tidbit that his doctor said that if he's not talking much by Christmas then they need to have him evaluated.

[safechner]

I have mostly part-timers, so the numbers vary based on the day--today it was
DD 3
DCB 2.5
DCB 18 months
DCG 16 months

Other days/times, we also have
DCG 21 months
DCB 13 months

My DD is the only one with any significant verbal skills.

I did talk to DCM today and she was very open to working with me to fix the problem. She asked me point blank if I have any advice for her--she's a very young, single mother who has mentioned frequently that she doesn't know the first thing about child development and she seems to be very open to my suggestions. Unfortunately I had very few for her except to explain the age and language connections. She gave me the tidbit that his doctor said that if he's not talking much by Christmas then they need to have him evaluated.

It could be. If he could have Autistic or delay developmental. So far, I know Autism children do bite a lot due to lack of communication. I have been training my daughter a lot of things not to hurt anyone very often. I have a 9 years old daughter who is PDD (Pervasive Developmental Disorders) on the autism spectrum. She no longer hurts anyone because she understands what it is right and wrong. Hope it helps...

[DancingQueen]

I did talk to DCM today and she was very open to working with me to fix the problem. She asked me point blank if I have any advice for her--she's a very young, single mother who has mentioned frequently that she doesn't know the first thing about child development and she seems to be very open to my suggestions.

I don't have much else to offer except for the advice above. I did want to point out that even the parents that are incredibly educated in child development are thrown for a loop when they get a biter.
16 years ago when I was a SAHM with my son I also watched my niece. She was like my own child. And she was a biter. My son took the biggest hits. He had black and blue teeth mark many times many times. It was horrible because not only was I a first time mom who's baby boy was getting eaten alive - but I was basically playing the mom roll to this sweet loving baby girl who had horrible communication skills (and was NOT patient at all) and here she was - a bully that was biting people. I was heart broken and did everything I could.

When the words came - the biting seemed to go away. But I was consistant in how I handled it every time.

I plopped in time out (locked in booster couldn't move) said loud and harsh "NO BITE" (because loud and harsh is the only thing she responded to)

I picked my ds and hugged and and loved and him and played with him for 5 minutes where she couldn't see us but she could hear us.
Everytime she yelled for me I said again "NO BITE - BITING HURTS"

At one point the pediatrician recommended that i put her forearm in her mouth and apply a downward pressure of her head so her upper teeth would push just slightly into her forearm. he said to do it immediately after a bite and repeat "no biting - biting hurts"
So I did that with her mom's permission.

The best cure was to be there to stop it. After a while you can see when it will happen - what will cause it. And you can prevent most of them. I believe I could have prevented about 90% of the bites. I got pretty good at it.

I believe the only thing that really worked was time. that none of the above had an impact on her at that age. She had to grow up to understand it all.

Her and my son are still best of friends.
Last year her and her younger (by 2 years) sister got into a big fight and believe it or not SHE BIT HER SISTER!! She was 15 years old and she BIT her 13 year old sister hard on the back of her thigh.

And lastly - I never ever ever would have terminated her. We actually look back on it all now and laugh about it but it was a really really difficult time for me and my sister (her mom).

[SilverSabre25]

Thanks, guys. I figured that being there (not that I'm not/wasn't, but you know what I mean) was the only immediate thing I could do, besides time.