Say It, or **** It Up?

[Laurel]

This is my biggest problem in child care, and I would greatly appreciate any help deciphering the better of the two, or a new route altogether?

If I **** it up, then my income is secure, but then dcp's tend to walk all over me...over...and over...again, by disrespecting, condescending, and exhibiting confrontational behavior, til I'm unsure of myself, angry at myself for allowing it, depressed, and burnt out, hating my child care. After all the layers of frustration that build up, that's usually when I erupt like a volcano. Then there is no holding back, and I'm shaken, my nerves are shot, and what I say then is usually unprofessional cause my emotions take the reins......and the dcp's, more often than not, tends to leave.

If I say it, then I'm relieved and excited to have empowered myself. Feel overall better about the child care and where it's going, by my standards....but then the dcp's treat me like I'm a big ol bit..! I start to self doubt, and worry about their loyalty and my income if they are not happy, and are thinking of leaving. That's usually when the passive/aggressive dcp's really start to show what their made of. I become challenged by them regularly, while they test the waters, just to see what I'll do. I find myself walking on egg shells waiting for their next challenge to arise. The friendly co-working atmosphere I value and try so hard to achieve is gone, until........the dcp's, more often than not, tends to leave.

I realize not all dcp's are like this, but then, some are. I have some right now who fit the mold to a tee!

What do you do?

I agree with others that you need to be firm but also check your rules to make sure you don't have too many or they aren't too restrictive.

I find a good combination is not having too many rules but the ones I do have need to be followed. For example, I could never charge a late fee for 1 or 2 minutes over their pickup time. I base late fees on if it is a regular occurence or a one time thing. I don't sweat if someone forgets their jacket and it is cool out. I have spares. It is annoying but I'm not willing to sweat these types of things. Now if they repeatedly don't bring necessary items then I will be firm.

So just make sure you are not making a lot of what I consider to be nit picky rules but be firm but kind with the really important things.

Laurel

[MarinaVanessa]

I'm not an introvert but I am a people pleaser and I had a tough time with asserting myself. I had to remind myself that I wanted to be in daycare and run my own business because

1. I wanted to run things the way I wanted to run them (not take orders)
2. I wanted to be my own boss (not take orders)
3. I wanted to provide what I though in my head was an ideal program, what I was looking for in a program
4. I wanted to be clear of what was expected of me and what I expected from families

When I was burning out and unhappy it was because things weren't going as I envisioned them and I realized it was my fault. I was letting it happen. I rewrote my contract, added a handbook and one by one I gave them to each currently enrolled family. I waited until the "dust settled" to see how it was going to work out with each family as I gave them each the changes. I spoke to each of them individually and I think I spaced each out to every 2 weeks.

Then I made a list of the families that continued to be knuckleheads and put them in order from worst to best. Then I started advertising and told potential clients that I would have an opening after I gave a client their two week notice. Some asked why I was letting a client go and I just said I couldn't discuss that with them but "please, read the policies and follow them and we will all get along great". They got the point and it was apparent WHY I was letting a client go without having to say it and it set the standard for the new client. At that point it was obvious, if you don't follow the policies I will let you go.

After replacing the first family or two it was miraculous, everyone seemed to get on board ::. After the first family was gone my 2nd worse family still tried to get extra from me so I just added fees to everything.
DCM: "Hey Marina, I'm a little short on money this week. Is it ok if I pay you on Monday instead of Friday?"
ME: "Oh yeah sure, no worries. Just add the extra $30 and bring it all on Monday morning"
DCM: "...(5 seconds of silence)... um .. ok. I'll bring it Friday"
ME: "Okay, whatever works best for you. Have a great day!"
It Felt GREAT and I loved doing my job again.

Now during interviews I go over my policies with the parents so that there is no way they can "Oh, I didn't know that".

[KIDZRMYBIZ]

I'm not an introvert or people-pleaser. I am just nice. I would do all kinds of special, which individually was no big deal. A late pick-up here, an early drop-off there, no biggie. Pay late? Yeah, okay, all my other families paid this week. But it was always one special request after another with 6-8 different DCFs, and it all started to add up quick, and I was getting so sick of it. I was afraid to be a stickler about my policies, and thought everyone would surely leave if I wasn't going to be flexible...no matter what they were asking for.

Then, I found this forum. I wish wish wish I had found it a decade sooner. It was such a comfort to know that all providers deal with constant special requests *if* they allow it, and they ARE asking for too much, and it IS okay to not make exceptions. Thanks to the helpful threads on here, I rewrote my handbook and some of my contract, and found my backbone to enforce it.

I had an interview on Saturday, and they signed on then and there. The DCM told me she was so impressed that I clearly knew what I was doing (referencing my handbook). She also liked that I didn't mind explaining why some things were the way they were (either a licensing regulation, how and why it works better for group care, or a way of protecting my income or personal time). It was the first time during an interview that I made it crystal clear that there would be NO EXCEPTIONS from what was spelled out on the paper, and it was perfectly fine! Who knew?!

My advice for KiddieCahoots is to start small. You didn't say what it was that the DCFs are being all P/A about, but I assume it's the usual late pick-up, late payment, bringing sickly kids, kind of stuff that darn sure should be respected. Pick only one of the things you just can't deal with anymore, address it or draw up a new policy in a professional e-mail or letter to take home, then strictly enforce it. STRICTLY ENFORCE IT (it's only hard the first time!)! It can even be different things for different DCFs, just make it look like it's being addressed as a group thing. As time goes on, you can address more issues until it's all ironed out.

[KIDZRMYBIZ]

Another way to go about it is a friendly e-mail or letter to distribute at a natural transition time, like summer break/back-to-school/new year, that says something along the lines of "being the time of year to review policies." One of the gals on here has a GREAT one, light-hearted yet professional.

Then, when a DCF is out of line or asking for special, you can reference the "reminder" that was recently sent home. Rinse and repeat.

[KiddieCahoots]

Another way to go about it is a friendly e-mail or letter to distribute at a natural transition time, like summer break/back-to-school/new year, that says something along the lines of "being the time of year to review policies." One of the gals on here has a GREAT one, light-hearted yet professional.

Then, when a DCF is out of line or asking for special, you can reference the "reminder" that was recently sent home. Rinse and repeat.

KIDZRMYBIZ thanks for the advice, I've gone ahead and done just that.
Added more to my hb, and asked dcp's to sign & date every page and I'll return to them a copy, so there will be no more, "oh I didn't know about that".