Tweet
Is it a reasonable expectation for a just turned 5 year old to be able to ask for help instead of stating there is a problem and expecting me to help without being asked? For example, he needed help getting something unstuck. Instead of asking me to help fix it, he will just say the lid is stuck. I've been replying with, "Oh, sorry to hear that," and I wait to see if he'll ask for help. I have done prompting, but by age 5 shouldn't he be able to ask for help or am I expecting too much? Thanks!
-
-
Um, yeah by 5 he should most definitely be able to verbalize his actual need for assistance.
Telling you the lid is stuck and needing you to come "unstuck" (:
it are two totally different things. He should be able to communicate the difference to you.
I expect all my verbal kids to do that. -
Thank you! I didn't think I was off with that expectation, but sometimes something seems so obvious, but when the kids don't do it, it makes me question myself ::
Comment
-
Agreed, I work on that with my 3 year old daycare girl. Like I'm thirsty vs can I have a drink please, or I have a booger, vs I need a tissue please.
I think it probably comes from parents jumping in to help with stuff right away, which I am guilty of myself with my own daughter..
Comment
-
I expect that with my now 3yr DD (I do have to remind sometimes, but I am consistent) and my 4yr DD definitely knows better. If he doesn't at home, you may have to teach the skill, but at that age you should not have to do so for long.Comment
-
I have 2 Kinders. They'll do this occasionally too. I listen, pause like I'm waiting for more, and if they don't say anything, I'll say "Is that a story or a question?" Then they realize they need to ASK me to help. If they're not specific (sometimes they cop out and just say "can you help me") I say, "I need to hear the WHOLE question." They get it pretty quickly.Comment
-
My 6 yo step-son does the same thing. He will walk around saying things like, "I sure wish I had milk." or "This toy is broken." or "I wish I could find my toy." not directly speaking to me or his dad, and expects us to voluntarily get him milk, fix the toy, or find the toy. I don't do any of the above unless he asks specifically, but I think his mom swoops in to every comment without requiring him to specifically ask first.Comment
-
I am big on, "So what do you plan to do about that?" or "Sounds like a problem. How are you going to solve it?"Comment
-
Then again, there's the flip side of the coin, where the child has once again been conditioned.
When they sometimes are direct, they can add to the directness with a whine, or sound bossy, and are told to not direct the question in that manner. Confusing the child with the whine and bossiness vs. directness.
I find it easy enough to have the child repeat what was originally said, then repeat with the revised, appropriate version. That way the child does not feel criticized in any way, to gently learn by guidance on their own.Comment
-
Yeh, I have a child like that, so I used to always say, "well, what should you do about that?" Now he'll often still state the problem, but then he asks for help or does it himself if it's something he can do. Still, it can be annoying, though.
Comment
-
THIS DRIVES ME NUTS... I cannot stand when kids do this. I don't know if this is just something with certain kids... It just drives me bonkers. I had a DCB who did this, 5-6ish, and I would seriously have to take a deep breath before answering. What is wrong with asking "Can/may I have some milk please?" I just don't get it. I would completely ignore him when he did that. I don't know if that's what worked for his mom (my BFF) or what? Ugh... makes my heart speed up just thinking about it.
Comment
-
I have DCB-5 who does this all the frickkin time. My go to response is I'm sorry and walk off. He will just stand there with no clue of how to get help. The one that gets me the most is "I don't have anymore (insert food) left. Depending on the food all he has to do is get up and get it. Every child knows this. Sometimes even they get annoyed with him and someone will yell out "Get up and get it"! THIS DRIVES ME NUTS... I cannot stand when kids do this. I don't know if this is just something with certain kids... It just drives me bonkers. I had a DCB who did this, 5-6ish, and I would seriously have to take a deep breath before answering. What is wrong with asking "Can/may I have some milk please?" I just don't get it. I would completely ignore him when he did that. I don't know if that's what worked for his mom (my BFF) or what? Ugh... makes my heart speed up just thinking about it.Comment
Comment