That Kid....among other kids

[daycare]

Silver posted about THAT kid, Loved that post by the way. I know that all of us could relate.

But it got me thinking, THAT KID what we have a hard time dealing with is something that as an adult, we learn to cope with, we have that ability. But what do you do when all of the other kids in daycare don't like THAT KID?

I have a kid that is just plain awkward, even the boys parents are awkward. They are very nice, as is the child, but no matter how hard I try to make the child part of the group, it fails.

I have tried picking partners so that THAT KID will pair up in a puzzle building acitivity or such so that the other kids can see THAT KID can actually be pretty cool if we just took the time to see it. Again, as the adult, I can see how sweet, smart and friendly THAT KID is, but it took me sometime.

THAT KID in my group is loud, bossy, in your face, always right, only child, argumentative about everything, overly sensitive, the list goes on and on. The other DCKs are just not having THAT KID no matter what I do.

For me, the child is very well behaved. He is a great student in the classroom and always wants to help me. He shares great stories with me and I love having him here, I just can't help but feel bad that all of the other kids can tell how "different" this child is.

How do we help THAT KID learn to be more acceptable among his peers or more likable? OR just not awkward? I feel so horrible that this child usually plays alone or not at all. I do enjoy the child, the other children do not.

I know I am not the only one with THAT KID that does not mesh wit the rest of the group.

[Bookworm]

I don't have a kid like that in my class but there is one in the 3's. She's very sweet and loving but nobody plays with her. Based on my observations, she will play around the group but never joins herself or is asked to join. She doesn't seem to have a problem with it. She's been with us for about 7 months and has never been to daycare. I don't know anything about her home life but it appears that she isn't socialized that much.

[daycare]

I don't have a kid like that in my class but there is one in the 3's. She's very sweet and loving but nobody plays with her. Based on my observations, she will play around the group but never joins herself or is asked to join. She doesn't seem to have a problem with it. She's been with us for about 7 months and has never been to daycare. I don't know anything about her home life but it appears that she isn't socialized that much.

thanks for posting this. I have never had this happen before. I have a home daycare and normally we all become family. I want so bad to have this child apart of our group and to be accepted by the others. He has been in group care before, but I don't know anything about it.

Do you guys try to help this child interact with the others?

is it wrong to let their others not play with this child because they don't like him? Don't get me wrong, I would never force children to like each other or "Be Friends", but I do expect the children to be nice to this child and for the most part they are. again I just can't feel bad that this child is always ousted by the others or alone.

[Bookworm]

In my situation, the teachers assign centers during certain parts of the day so she can play with others. According to them, she will play as if the other child isn't there. I don't think it's a case of the kids not liking her. If it was then when she played outside the group, they would push her away. I think it's possible that she doesn't know how to play with other children. This applies to the playground as well as classroom.

[daycare]

I guess the difference is that this child doesn't want to be alone but do to his unlikeable personality the children refuse to play with him.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I DO assign "buddies." I choose another child that will be nice enough at whatever center they are going to with the hope that they will build a bond of some kind. It has not happened yet with the children and him, but I keep trying.

[daycare]

I DO assign "buddies." I choose another child that will be nice enough at whatever center they are going to with the hope that they will build a bond of some kind. It has not happened yet with the children and him, but I keep trying.

this is what I have been doing too, or I might say, Oh look at this wonderful________________billy made isn't it cool. The other kids won't even look at it or will look up and then not say anything.

Every argument or disagreement always involves this child....

[Play Care]

this is what I have been doing too, or I might say, Oh look at this wonderful________________billy made isn't it cool. The other kids won't even look at it or will look up and then not say anything.

Every argument or disagreement always involves this child....

I kind of have a similar situation. My one 5 yo dcb has always been ultra sensitive and *very* whiney. He is bossy, loud, at times defiant. He is good with me, but I've been trying for *years* to get him to fit in. In my case the kids will play with him, but in small doses. And the older kids won't really play with him at all. In my case, it's a consequence of his whining, being bossy, tattle taling, etc. Parents a very nice and but I think they don't realize the full scope of the issue. In my case, I fully expect that K will be an eye opener for them...

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

this is what I have been doing too, or I might say, Oh look at this wonderful________________billy made isn't it cool. The other kids won't even look at it or will look up and then not say anything.

Every argument or disagreement always involves this child....

This may sound bizarre but I have given a child a sticker at the end of the morning and at the end of the afternoon for being someone's buddy that needed it.

[countrymom]

I had this kid, even my kids hated him. No matter what I did no one wanted to play with him. I also refused to then force the other kids to play with him. I wasn't their fault.

what I did notice is that it was a problem that came from home. The way he was treated was more of adult and not kid to adult. He thought his job was to be whiney, tattle telling, bossy kid. Also his exposure to the real world was so little because the way he acted. He never went anywhere so he didn't know how to interact with people or children.

so fast foward to now, he's in grade 3. Since my dd monitors for lunch, she has said that no one wants to play with him, he's even worse than before and now yells at the kids. I also speculated that he has a form of aspergers (mom never said anything but I think he goes for help) but like I said, I really believe the main problem was his parents.

I had the childs sister and what a different kid she is, absolutely a dream fun loving kid. But I find that because of the older brothers behavior she is set back. Alot of double standard in the house.

just curious, how does he talk to you, like a kid talk or adult talk. Does he hang out more with you or on his own. When he's in a group what does he do, does he tell the kids what to do or tattle on them or tell them they are wrong (omg this drives the kids crazy)

[daycare]

This may sound bizarre but I have given a child a sticker at the end of the morning and at the end of the afternoon for being someone's buddy that needed it.

hmm that does sound tempting to do. the person is doing a good thing. I just need to tell them it was for playing nicely and working well together right?

[daycare]

I had this kid, even my kids hated him. No matter what I did no one wanted to play with him. I also refused to then force the other kids to play with him. I wasn't their fault.

what I did notice is that it was a problem that came from home. The way he was treated was more of adult and not kid to adult. He thought his job was to be whiney, tattle telling, bossy kid. Also his exposure to the real world was so little because the way he acted. He never went anywhere so he didn't know how to interact with people or children.

so fast foward to now, he's in grade 3. Since my dd monitors for lunch, she has said that no one wants to play with him, he's even worse than before and now yells at the kids. I also speculated that he has a form of aspergers (mom never said anything but I think he goes for help) but like I said, I really believe the main problem was his parents.

I had the childs sister and what a different kid she is, absolutely a dream fun loving kid. But I find that because of the older brothers behavior she is set back. Alot of double standard in the house.

just curious, how does he talk to you, like a kid talk or adult talk. Does he hang out more with you or on his own. When he's in a group what does he do, does he tell the kids what to do or tattle on them or tell them they are wrong (omg this drives the kids crazy)

Whine yes, tattle no.

He is very argumentative about everything. Has to always be right.

The other day the kids were playing and he had a bowl that he said was a hat. he was putting it on his head. He was showing two other kids who told him (kids are all same age) that is not a hat, it's a bowl, go put it back in the kitchen. One of the kids even went and got him a hat from the dramatic play stuff sat it down and walked away. THAT KID screamed at them , stopped the feet, crossed the arms, " I'M MAD" he yells at them. Then goes on saying it over and over and over. The kids ignored him. I went to talk with him and told him screaming is not ok. If you are mad, you can be mad, but no screaming. When I finally asked him what are you mad about? The kid didn't know other than he knew he didn't want that stupid hat the other kids gave him.

he does not have good verbal skills, but does know big words. he is an only child with a house full of adults, so that may have something to do with it.

When he talks to me he is very logical, but he talks soooooooooooooooooo slow and repeats that we hardly get through a real good conversation. his voice is a whiny screech that is very hard to listen to..........

[daycarediva]

I put up Venn diagrams about the kids. A big middle circle, and then each of their circles overlapping. I used photos to put their similarities and differences in them. The kids ADORED this.

For me, it was one particular girl. Sweet kiddo, a little socially immature, very awkward, and a tomboy. The boys wouldn't play with her, and she was too rough/wild for the girls. As soon as my dcb realized how much he and dcg had in common, they have been buddies ever since. She is still not 100% accepted by the other kids, but it's MUCH better.

[Annalee]

I put up Venn diagrams about the kids. A big middle circle, and then each of their circles overlapping. I used photos to put their similarities and differences in them. The kids ADORED this.

For me, it was one particular girl. Sweet kiddo, a little socially immature, very awkward, and a tomboy. The boys wouldn't play with her, and she was too rough/wild for the girls. As soon as my dcb realized how much he and dcg had in common, they have been buddies ever since. She is still not 100% accepted by the other kids, but it's MUCH better.

I love this idea! would you mind sending me a pm with a pic. I want to do this for my daycare.

Never thought I would see a Venn diagram again after obtaining my ECE degree! Neither did I think I would use some of that crazy math ever, but guess this proves that theory wrong. ::

[Second Home]

Maybe doing an activity where all the kids need to work together . Maybe each child has a different color block and they need to work together to build a tower in a color pattern . They are doing something together but not making it obvious to the kids that they are playing together .