Potty Training Question

[Michelle]

I have a very bright but very difficult 3 1/2 year old dcb that is still not potty trained. His poor mom has tried everything
and so have I.
She even cut a hole in the pull up and put him on the potty because he seems to only hate going poo in the potty but not pee... he does fine with pee

Last week his mom brought him and said he has been going potty all weekend with no problem and within 5 minutes he ran under the school table and pooped a lot like a whole weekends worth in his underwear.
He came today in underwear and I put him on the potty to give him a chance ..he screamed so I put a pullup on under his underwear and he took it off, then I put it back on! it's just really hard

I was just wondering if anyone has any ideas? I think this mom has tried every book, video, technique, potty chart, reward system there is in this world! ::::

btw dkb has a new baby brother but we have been trying to potty train him way before he was born

[Leigh]

The child is obviously not ready to train. I wouldn't stress about it. Continue to offer the child the chance to go, but don't push it. And, when the child shows up in underwear, direct the mom to the pull-ups and ask her to change the underwear to a pull-up until the child has been successful at YOUR house for a period of time.

[My3cents]

I have a very bright but very difficult 3 1/2 year old dcb that is still not potty trained. His poor mom has tried everything
and so have I.
She even cut a hole in the pull up and put him on the potty because he seems to only hate going poo in the potty but not pee... he does fine with pee

Last week his mom brought him and said he has been going potty all weekend with no problem and within 5 minutes he ran under the school table and pooped a lot like a whole weekends worth in his underwear.
He came today in underwear and I put him on the potty to give him a chance ..he screamed so I put a pullup on under his underwear and he took it off, then I put it back on! it's just really hard

I was just wondering if anyone has any ideas? I think this mom has tried every book, video, technique, potty chart, reward system there is in this world! ::::

btw dkb has a new baby brother but we have been trying to potty train him way before he was born

I have this same kiddo! I firmly believe it starts and most of the work is done at home. I would tell the Mom the child needs to ask you to go- this way the child knows he has to go. He is passed the point of potty introduction. No underwear until two weeks both places dry and soil free. Does he pull his pants up and down, ask to go, have control?

I have this same kid. He now screams and has a fit when I mention pooing in the potty. I had to tell parents, no pull ups (way too much of a mess for a child that doesn't do any of the work) until he is further along. I told them use them at home but not here. I hope to steal some advice off this one- It is beyond frustrating. My kid is smart. Just doesn't want to do it.

[My3cents]

The child is obviously not ready to train. I wouldn't stress about it. Continue to offer the child the chance to go, but don't push it. And, when the child shows up in underwear, direct the mom to the pull-ups and ask her to change the underwear to a pull-up until the child has been successful at YOUR house for a period of time.

I had to take this approach

It is maddening!

[KiddieCahoots]

I may be wrong, but why give the child the control of the negative? Why not let it go, and wait til he's ready? When he can bring it around into a positive that'll get him the attention just the same, then it'll be less of a power struggle.
Idk.....is this just the lazy way ::

[Michelle]

I seriously think he doesn't feel it.
I use to have an 8 year old dcb that would poop in his underwear even at school.
He ended up having to be hospitalized and having his bowel emptied with a tube through his nose or something like that. I think they flushed it with saline solution . He had a problem with constipation but you would never know by the constant leakage ( sorry for that visual)

I was just thinking like you guys that he is stubborn or it's his moms responsibility, or he's not ready But when he reached back today and put his finger in the back of his pants and saw poop on his fingers he drew in his breath in shock, and got all sad
I asked if he felt it and he said "no"
Today he didn't hide or even stop to go.
Then later he ran like crazy to go pee in the toilet.
Maybe because he is lactose intolerant ( same as the 8 year old) and this all started at 4 (with the other kid I had)
I am going to talk to mom today ,
maybe she should take him to a gastroenterologist to see if he is backed up or something. His regular pediatrician does nothing to help.
I know thinking he is not ready is the simple answer but a check up won't hurt.
I will keep you posted

[daycare]

I had to take this approach

It is maddening!

I second this.....I would stop everything and don't let it turn into a dreadful experience for him. If he is being pushed when he is not ready it may prolong the process. I would stop cold turkey and stop making him go. Offer the chance and if he says no then respect his wishes. I would just make him wear his pull up and change it like a diaper at this point.

I have two kids like this right now and I told the parents last week, we are done. In my years of PT kids, when they are ready it will usually take them 3-4 days and they are done with diapers/pull ups.

I always tell parents how hard it is for kids to potty train at DC before at home because they need to be able to listen to their bodies really well. They have to stop what they are doing and listen to their body in time to make the toilet and the only way they are going to do that is when they are mature and aware of being able to listen to the signs their body is giving them that tells them they need to go potty. If they can't discover what that feeling is, then they won't be able to train. Having us put them on the pot does not help them reach this either.

[My3cents]

I second this.....I would stop everything and don't let it turn into a dreadful experience for him. If he is being pushed when he is not ready it may prolong the process. I would stop cold turkey and stop making him go. Offer the chance and if he says no then respect his wishes. I would just make him wear his pull up and change it like a diaper at this point.

I have two kids like this right now and I told the parents last week, we are done. In my years of PT kids, when they are ready it will usually take them 3-4 days and they are done with diapers/pull ups.

I always tell parents how hard it is for kids to potty train at DC before at home because they need to be able to listen to their bodies really well. They have to stop what they are doing and listen to their body in time to make the toilet and the only way they are going to do that is when they are mature and aware of being able to listen to the signs their body is giving them that tells them they need to go potty. If they can't discover what that feeling is, then they won't be able to train. Having us put them on the pot does not help them reach this either.

Thank you for this! I know this but when you feel the pressure from parents it does make you question yourself for a moment. I totally agree that training at home is different then daycare. This is my kid to a T!!! Thank you so much for posting this.

[lovemykidstoo]

I feel your pain. I have 2 boys right now and the one is almost 3 and they have a baby coming any day now. He is hot and cold on the toilet. Drives me nuts because he is totally able IMO. He goes and hides in the corner to poop. The other dcb just turned 3 and has zero and I mean zero interest in going on the toilet.

[MCC]

I have a 3 yo DCG here going through the same thing. She just does not care about going in the potty. DCM is putting her in underwear, and I give it one try for the day. She will pee her pants and not even mention it until I notice. I'll say "DCG, did you pee your pants?" "Yep!". That's it, she couldn't care less. She is using nap time to poop, every day at nap she poops her pants then falls asleep. I'm seriously over this, and so is DCM.

She is bright, talks in complete full sentences, describes things in details. She will say "I'm sorry I peed my pants Mrs. C, next time I'll do it on the potty, okay?" but then once it happens, she doesn't even notice. It's very confusing to me...

[craftymissbeth]

I seriously think he doesn't feel it.
I use to have an 8 year old dcb that would poop in his underwear even at school.
He ended up having to be hospitalized and having his bowel emptied with a tube through his nose or something like that. I think they flushed it with saline solution . He had a problem with constipation but you would never know by the constant leakage ( sorry for that visual)

I was just thinking like you guys that he is stubborn or it's his moms responsibility, or he's not ready But when he reached back today and put his finger in the back of his pants and saw poop on his fingers he drew in his breath in shock, and got all sad
I asked if he felt it and he said "no"
Today he didn't hide or even stop to go.
Then later he ran like crazy to go pee in the toilet.
Maybe because he is lactose intolerant ( same as the 8 year old) and this all started at 4 (with the other kid I had)
I am going to talk to mom today ,
maybe she should take him to a gastroenterologist to see if he is backed up or something. His regular pediatrician does nothing to help.
I know thinking he is not ready is the simple answer but a check up won't hurt.
I will keep you posted

This is the point when many boys (and girls) develop encopresis. My son has it. He's 7 and we've been dealing with it since he was 3... 4 long, frustrating years. He was exactly like the 8 yo you described, but luckily hasn't got to the point of surgery.

If you think he doesn't know when he's having a BM, then he most definitely needs to be checked out by a doctor. The sooner an issue like encopresis is caught the better the outcome.

My ds has to sit on the toilet for 15 minutes after breakfast and 15 minutes after dinner just to see if he can get things moving. If dcb sits on the toilet for a few minutes will he eventually go or does he have no desire to wait that long?

[craftymissbeth]

Also, it doesn't matter what exactly is going on... dcb NEEDS to be in a pull-up until he doesn't soil himself for 2 weeks (or whatever your policy is). Feces in his pants and potentially everywhere else (especially since he stuck his finger in there!) is a hazard.

[Michelle]

This is the point when many boys (and girls) develop encopresis. My son has it. He's 7 and we've been dealing with it since he was 3... 4 long, frustrating years. He was exactly like the 8 yo you described, but luckily hasn't got to the point of surgery.

If you think he doesn't know when he's having a BM, then he most definitely needs to be checked out by a doctor. The sooner an issue like encopresis is caught the better the outcome.

My ds has to sit on the toilet for 15 minutes after breakfast and 15 minutes after dinner just to see if he can get things moving. If dcb sits on the toilet for a few minutes will he eventually go or does he have no desire to wait that long?

Yes
this is the medical term I was looking for
This is what I am afraid is happening.
I have this 3 year old sit on toilet after meals too
My 8 year old dcb actually had to change schools because the kids teased him so bad called him the smelly boy and the nurse threatened to call dpss if she didn't leave work to come change him within 2o minutes every single time.

So far he is still pretty young and has never been completely potty trained so I will just take the "don't stress approach " like you guys suggested

His mom says he knows he's doing it
and I definitely keep pull-ups on them for 2 weeks until no accidents
just mom brought him in underwear that one day

Thanks a lot you guys,
all good advice and I am glad I am not the only one going through it