Trying Very Hard Not To Be Bitter

[Laurel]

Are you guys getting weary of these updates? DCM just texted me, and this is what she said - I kid you not. "I cannot believe you would dump my family after 3 years of loyalty to you. You have put us in an awful bind because I truly do not have anyone to watch DCKs this week. What are we supposed to do?"

Maybe you could say "Frankly my dear, I don't give a da*n." ::

Laurel

[Unregistered]

I'm not sure you will be able to get her to see your point of view no matter how hard you try. A very gracious discount given leaving more money in the pockets for their family, but less in yours. Yet she balked at having to pay the two week notice she agreed to upon signing, even though they were back to normal pay. If you had known they would bolt as soon as the discounted care was no longer needed, then you likely would have not chosen to do so in the first place. YOU were loyal to THEM, not the other way around. I hope you are able to fill the spots soon.

[Tasha]

Laurel, you make me laugh. It IS strange, and I have never had any kind of situation that comes close to this. I can't stress enough how out of character this is for her. She is (or was) a very bright, very kind and sweet woman. That's why I don't understand how she does not get it. On the other hand, I think maybe she does understand and doesn't want to concede that her behavior has been sketchy. I'm not going to reply to her text because frankly I don't know what to say. This afternoon I kinda said all I needed to say (maybe too much...) When she was incredulous about my terming, she told me flat-out that what I was doing was not nice and that I was punishing her for leaving. I was very calm and told her that she told me how she really felt about me and the job that I do by sending me an email, rather than talking in person, and that I thought I deserved better than that. And also that she waited to term the minute her discount ran out, and from my perspective that wasn't nice. I also wondered why Grandma couldn't arrange to watch the children at some point over the last six months (thanks Nannyde for that suggestion!). She used both hands to slam the door, which really angered me.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Laurel, you make me laugh. It IS strange, and I have never had any kind of situation that comes close to this. I can't stress enough how out of character this is for her. She is (or was) a very bright, very kind and sweet woman. That's why I don't understand how she does not get it. On the other hand, I think maybe she does understand and doesn't want to concede that her behavior has been sketchy. I'm not going to reply to her text because frankly I don't know what to say. This afternoon I kinda said all I needed to say (maybe too much...) When she was incredulous about my terming, she told me flat-out that what I was doing was not nice and that I was punishing her for leaving. I was very calm and told her that she told me how she really felt about me and the job that I do by sending me an email, rather than talking in person, and that I thought I deserved better than that. And also that she waited to term the minute her discount ran out, and from my perspective that wasn't nice. I also wondered why Grandma couldn't arrange to watch the children at some point over the last six months (thanks Nannyde for that suggestion!). She used both hands to slam the door, which really angered me.

That, my friend, is called a temper tantrum. Holy moly.

[Magic]

thank you Tasha for posting this and thanks to every one for replying
it has been a big reminder to many of us " Care Givers " how selfish our parents , friends and people can be

I have many times " given the breaks " " thought of others issues " and " have helped " and almost every time I have been bitten as a result

Even this day I feel the frustation of this " bussiness "

BUT

I hold my head up and can look in the mirror every morning and love who I am and all I do ...it is about the children why we do it first and it is about us and how it makes us feel

Yes we pay the bills and it is a bussiness ..so we need to treat is as such
feeding my daughter HAS to come first for that is what the parents think of first ...so why not me ...thank you for helping put myself back on track and maybe a few others

[KidGrind]

My text in return would’ve been:

You are the one who initiated your exit. You truly had no regard for the fact I sacrificed $______ over six months out of sincere concern for your family. As soon as the 6 month discount was over, YOU email me with a thanks but Grandma can take over from here. As if that wasn’t insensitive enough, you follow up in person with, “Grandma is ready to go” and ask if you can just abruptly end care at YOUR CONVENIENCE on Friday. I’ve decided to move forward. So for your convenience I terminated immediately. I guess it wasn’t exactly what YOU WANTED. So then you went on to say how loyal you’ve been to me for 3 years. Maybe you have. Why wouldn’t you be? I provided excellent care of your children. I’ll add, “How many childcare providers would’ve taken a six month income hit for a family?” Please don’t talk to me about loyalty. I’ve more than demonstrated it when I had compassion for your family and as a gift in your time of need gave up part of my income. How many others in your life gave up part of their income to assist your family?

In closing, you weren’t thinking about what you were going to do when you intentionally slammed my door with BOTH HANDS. I’m disappointed it ended the way it did. I wish your family the very best and I hope the kids have an awesome time at Grandma’s!


I have to share this thread/post is so disturbing to me. It really bothers me that this happened to you. I get it was your decision and gift. I think your generosity was just simply amazing. What’s just disturbing to me is their quick exit once the discount was up and the unraveling, deterioration of the situation.

[Laurel]

Laurel, you make me laugh. It IS strange, and I have never had any kind of situation that comes close to this. I can't stress enough how out of character this is for her. She is (or was) a very bright, very kind and sweet woman. That's why I don't understand how she does not get it. On the other hand, I think maybe she does understand and doesn't want to concede that her behavior has been sketchy. I'm not going to reply to her text because frankly I don't know what to say. This afternoon I kinda said all I needed to say (maybe too much...) When she was incredulous about my terming, she told me flat-out that what I was doing was not nice and that I was punishing her for leaving. I was very calm and told her that she told me how she really felt about me and the job that I do by sending me an email, rather than talking in person, and that I thought I deserved better than that. And also that she waited to term the minute her discount ran out, and from my perspective that wasn't nice. I also wondered why Grandma couldn't arrange to watch the children at some point over the last six months (thanks Nannyde for that suggestion!). She used both hands to slam the door, which really angered me.

Good for you. I like what you said to her. I don't think there is any need to reply to her email but it sure is tempting just to get it out. I wouldn't though. You can let it out here. We get it.

Laurel

[Laurel]

thank you Tasha for posting this and thanks to every one for replying
it has been a big reminder to many of us " Care Givers " how selfish our parents , friends and people can be

I have many times " given the breaks " " thought of others issues " and " have helped " and almost every time I have been bitten as a result

Even this day I feel the frustation of this " bussiness "

BUT

I hold my head up and can look in the mirror every morning and love who I am and all I do ...it is about the children why we do it first and it is about us and how it makes us feel

Yes we pay the bills and it is a bussiness ..so we need to treat is as such
feeding my daughter HAS to come first for that is what the parents think of first ...so why not me ...thank you for helping put myself back on track and maybe a few others

I know I've been burned helping someone too. I did do it voluntarily also but later wished I hadn't.

I think our business is harder in that we get to know our 'customers'. If you go into a retail store you don't even ask for a break or no one offers. It is a bit different.

Laurel

[Laurel]

My text in return would’ve been:

You are the one who initiated your exit. You truly had no regard for the fact I sacrificed $______ over six months out of sincere concern for your family. As soon as the 6 month discount was over, YOU email me with a thanks but Grandma can take over from here. As if that wasn’t insensitive enough, you follow up in person with, “Grandma is ready to go” and ask if you can just abruptly end care at YOUR CONVENIENCE on Friday. I’ve decided to move forward. So for your convenience I terminated immediately. I guess it wasn’t exactly what YOU WANTED. So then you went on to say how loyal you’ve been to me for 3 years. Maybe you have. Why wouldn’t you be? I provided excellent care of your children. I’ll add, “How many childcare providers would’ve taken a six month income hit for a family?” Please don’t talk to me about loyalty. I’ve more than demonstrated it when I had compassion for your family and as a gift in your time of need gave up part of my income. How many others in your life gave up part of their income to assist your family?

In closing, you weren’t thinking about what you were going to do when you intentionally slammed my door with BOTH HANDS. I’m disappointed it ended the way it did. I wish your family the very best and I hope the kids have an awesome time at Grandma’s!


I have to share this thread/post is so disturbing to me. It really bothers me that this happened to you. I get it was your decision and gift. I think was just simply amazing. What’s just disturbing to me is their quick exit once the discount was up and the unraveling, deterioration of the situation.

You know what. I love your letter. I think I am changing my mind and would copy your letter word for word and email it to her. It's great! After how she behaved, she deserves to hear exactly how OP was hurt by this and what her sacrifice was. You still kept it civil, in my opinion.

Perfect.

Laurel

Edited to add: I love the part about "How many others in your life gave up part of their income to assist your family?"

[Tasha]

My text in return would’ve been:

You are the one who initiated your exit. You truly had no regard for the fact I sacrificed $______ over six months out of sincere concern for your family. As soon as the 6 month discount was over, YOU email me with a thanks but Grandma can take over from here. As if that wasn’t insensitive enough, you follow up in person with, “Grandma is ready to go” and ask if you can just abruptly end care at YOUR CONVENIENCE on Friday. I’ve decided to move forward. So for your convenience I terminated immediately. I guess it wasn’t exactly what YOU WANTED. So then you went on to say how loyal you’ve been to me for 3 years. Maybe you have. Why wouldn’t you be? I provided excellent care of your children. I’ll add, “How many childcare providers would’ve taken a six month income hit for a family?” Please don’t talk to me about loyalty. I’ve more than demonstrated it when I had compassion for your family and as a gift in your time of need gave up part of my income. How many others in your life gave up part of their income to assist your family?

In closing, you weren’t thinking about what you were going to do when you intentionally slammed my door with BOTH HANDS. I’m disappointed it ended the way it did. I wish your family the very best and I hope the kids have an awesome time at Grandma’s!


I have to share this thread/post is so disturbing to me. It really bothers me that this happened to you. I get it was your decision and gift. I think was just simply amazing. What’s just disturbing to me is their quick exit once the discount was up and the unraveling, deterioration of the situation.

KidGrind, this letter is a perfect distillation of my feelings and really reflects exactly what happened. Thank you so much for taking the time to write it. In fact, seeing it laid out like this so well makes me even angrier. I am very much tempted to send it.

[CraftyMom]

My text in return would’ve been:

You are the one who initiated your exit. You truly had no regard for the fact I sacrificed $______ over six months out of sincere concern for your family. As soon as the 6 month discount was over, YOU email me with a thanks but Grandma can take over from here. As if that wasn’t insensitive enough, you follow up in person with, “Grandma is ready to go” and ask if you can just abruptly end care at YOUR CONVENIENCE on Friday. I’ve decided to move forward. So for your convenience I terminated immediately. I guess it wasn’t exactly what YOU WANTED. So then you went on to say how loyal you’ve been to me for 3 years. Maybe you have. Why wouldn’t you be? I provided excellent care of your children. I’ll add, “How many childcare providers would’ve taken a six month income hit for a family?” Please don’t talk to me about loyalty. I’ve more than demonstrated it when I had compassion for your family and as a gift in your time of need gave up part of my income. How many others in your life gave up part of their income to assist your family?

In closing, you weren’t thinking about what you were going to do when you intentionally slammed my door with BOTH HANDS. I’m disappointed it ended the way it did. I wish your family the very best and I hope the kids have an awesome time at Grandma’s!


I have to share this thread/post is so disturbing to me. It really bothers me that this happened to you. I get it was your decision and gift. I think was just simply amazing. What’s just disturbing to me is their quick exit once the discount was up and the unraveling, deterioration of the situation.

In this situation I would have to respond. I wouldn't be able to let it roll off my back, not this time.

This letter is perfect! Not angry or retaliated, just pointing out the facts that are not obvious to mom.

If it were me I would send this, since clearly she doesn't even realize that you have a point of view at all

[CraftyMom]

Oh, and I love the dollar amount showing her how much money you sacrificed out of the goodness of your heart, then she slaps you in the face with it

[Crazy8]

not tired of hearing about this, came back looking for an update! I think a few of us have been in your shoes. I kept my mouth shut when it happened to me so I am really interested in hearing how others handle it. I think the letter KidGrind posted is fabulous!!!! I really would want this woman to know exactly how much you gave up for her when she is saying how loyal they were… they were loyal because you were technically gave them 3 months of FREE daycare!!! Please update if you send a similar letter and she responds!! I am sorry I didn't say more to the family that pulled a similar stunt on me.

[saved4always]

Totally not tired of hearing the updates. You need a place to get your feelings out and everyone here is willing to help however they can and are the most likely to truly understand how hurtful this situation is to you.

Sounds to me like you told her the truth and she did not like it so she threw a tantrum. I personally would probably leave it where it is (but then I am very non-confrontationaly ). She is probably never going to acknowledge that her defection as soon as the fees went back to normal was the "not nice" part of this deal. Even if she is attacking to sooth her own conscience, she is unlikely to give you the satisfaction of apologizing or even admitting you are right about any of it. I've run into people like her...they just stew and stew over the perceived hurt to them and are unable to see the provider's side. She is showing her true colors....all nice and sweet as long as she is getting the best part of the deal but turning into a "b" as soon as she is called on her selfishness.

[TwinKristi]

Wow, I came back to see the update and am shocked! What a turn of events! I can't believe she's being such a B!!!