On The Subject Of Educating The Parents

[Josiegirl]

I've become a mom 4 times and have been doing child care for 30+ years. But I still feel ill equipped to educate parents. IF they ask for my advice or suggestions, I'll certainly offer them up, but I feel inferior as to passing on info to them, when they haven't asked. Every family's needs are different plus each child is so unique.
Does anyone else feel this way? I am not a teacher, but a care provider.

[Naptime yet?]

I do. I've given parents some funny things I've found, and I have given them some information, but the information I really want to give them (without their asking) I feel like they would be insulted.

I have recommended books to some parents, though.

I figure they can find information on the internet as easily as I can.

Except Nannyde's "Bye bye outside", I was dying to give that to one family, but knew they wouldn't appreciate it.

[Josiegirl]

See, that's what I do too, share the funny stuff, such as 100 ways to put your toddler to bed that someone posted here. I have the perfect family to share that with because I know they'll relate to it and laugh about it.
Thanks, I'm glad I'm not alone.

[Laurel]

You're not alone! I do what you do. If they ask, I will offer or I might say something here or there but generally I feel it is a burden to educate the parents. That isn't my job. If telling them something will make my job a lot easier I might mention it but other than that I do not want the responsibility of educating grownups. I'd rather get some that educate themselves about things. I'm not their mom.

My provider friend does educate parents and she likes it...to each their own.

I also don't want to be involved in the parents lives in any way. The above provider used to have mom's over for lunch sometimes, bake them each a pie at Christmas, even go their kids' sports events sometimes. She cut a lot of that out as time went by but that kind of thing isn't for me. It might sound mean but I just want to care for the children 9 to 5 and that is it. Okay 7 to 6...

Laurel

[Blackcat31]

You're not alone! I do what you do. If they ask, I will offer or I might say something here or there but generally I feel it is a burden to educate the parents. That isn't my job. If telling them something will make my job a lot easier I might mention it but other than that I do not want the responsibility of educating grownups. I'd rather get some that educate themselves about things. I'm not their mom.

My provider friend does educate parents and she likes it...to each their own.
I also don't want to be involved in the parents lives in any way. The above provider used to have mom's over for lunch sometimes, bake them each a pie at Christmas, even go their kids' sports events sometimes. She cut a lot of that out as time went by but that kind of thing isn't for me. It might sound mean but I just want to care for the children 9 to 5 and that is it. Okay 7 to 6...

Laurel

I am like your provider friend.

I love that I am a resource for my clients. My clients love that I am a resource for them

I have never viewed it as overstepping my boundaries or doing something that wasn't my job and it's never made me feel as though I was mothering any one.

I've learned a TON of things myself along the way while trying to find educational articles, methods, ideas, resources etc for my clients so I look at it like a win-win for everyone involved.

I do not get personal or involved in DCP's lives (like the baking pies for anyone or having anyone over for lunch) but I do think the educational part of this profession IS beneficial for everyone...myself, parents, grandparents, children enrolled and my fellow providers or anyone we share with....

It's a lot like this site.....I LOVE helping other providers with advice, ideas, resources and etc. It doesn't mean I am telling anyone how they should or shouldn't do anything, just that I am offering up what I know. People can take it or leave it but if it does help, (even one other provider or parent) then it's all good.

[KiddieCahoots]

Hi,
Totally have this problem too!
Sometimes it's so easy for me to go there with parents, but those are usually the one's who are actually open to it, look at you as benefical to them, and value you and your opinion.
Then there are those parents who treat me like I just feel off the turnip truck yesterday, and verbally list child care as a bottom ranking job position.
Having trouble with one particular family that does just that to me now. Which is kinda funny, cause they are first time, book parents.
Honestly feel, that some parents tend to struggle with their own insecurities, and project that onto us, sometimes negatively. Like this family I just mentioned....feel mom struggles with "guilty working mother syndrome". !
And these are the parents that just WON"T hear anything I have to say, so I don't bother anymore. I save it for the parents that are respectful and willing to work with me.
There are times where I have to speak up though, and push myself out of that comfor zone of being gentle and easy going, to be direct on how the child care functions. That is never easy for me, but better in the long run when done, by slipping back on those professional shoes....!

[cheerfuldom]

I will "educate" parents IF

1. They or their child's behavior is causing disruption in my home

2. The parents ask for advice AND I know they will consider what I have to say. If it is just a complaining parent or a parent that asks and isn't really listening or caring about what I say, I don't waste my time.

[Laurel]

I am like your provider friend.

I love that I am a resource for my clients. My clients love that I am a resource for them

I have never viewed it as overstepping my boundaries or doing something that wasn't my job and it's never made me feel as though I was mothering any one.

I've learned a TON of things myself along the way while trying to find educational articles, methods, ideas, resources etc for my clients so I look at it like a win-win for everyone involved.

I do not get personal or involved in DCP's lives (like the baking pies for anyone or having anyone over for lunch) but I do think the educational part of this profession IS beneficial for everyone...myself, parents, grandparents, children enrolled and my fellow providers or anyone we share with....

It's a lot like this site.....I LOVE helping other providers with advice, ideas, resources and etc. It doesn't mean I am telling anyone how they should or shouldn't do anything, just that I am offering up what I know. People can take it or leave it but if it does help, (even one other provider or parent) then it's all good.

Well if they ask then fine. Generally though...not so much.

It's all good if it works for you though.

Laurel

[Mom of 4]

It takes a village. But these days, not all parents welcome advice, help or even any education about their child. It's their way and they seem to be able to do it all alone.

I actually had an ex-client/friend's husband say to her that she had no right to take the kids, they were HIS and only his and hers and that he wanted no interaction for the kids with others because of possible influences.

That was an unhealthy outlook, and recently we found out it's been an abusive situation and mom fled the state.
He just wanted ONLY his own influence, probably for control. Seems like a lot of society is behaving this way now, (not to say there is abuse in all the situations), and they don't need anyone, while really they DESPERATELY need someone to help them.

Sadly, I see families that don't live near each other , don't want to, and very minimal help or resources offered by friends/family anymore. It used to be that families raised their children together. I get not all situations aren't ideal for that, but the # of estranged families have grown so much, it seems like they want nothing to do with any offerings of help/education from anyone, especially not those closest to their kids (Because then they feel like we're telling them they are doing something wrong and get all upset)

[Mom of 4]

It takes a village. But these days, not all parents welcome advice, help or even any education about their child. It's their way and they seem to be able to do it all alone.

I actually had an ex-client/friend's husband say to her that she had no right to take the kids, they were HIS and only his and hers and that he wanted no interaction for the kids with others because of possible influences.

That was an unhealthy outlook, and recently we found out it's been an abusive situation and mom fled the state.
He just wanted ONLY his own influence, probably for control. Seems like a lot of society is behaving this way now, (not to say there is abuse in all the situations), and they don't need anyone, while really they DESPERATELY need someone to help them.

Sadly, I see families that don't live near each other , don't want to, and very minimal help or resources offered by friends/family anymore. It used to be that families raised their children together. I get not all situations aren't ideal for that, but the # of estranged families have grown so much, it seems like they want nothing to do with any offerings of help/education from anyone, especially not those closest to their kids (Because then they feel like we're telling them they are doing something wrong and get all upset)

*take the kids PLACES. She had no right to take them places. Typo

[jenboo]

There are plenty of times I want to educate parents but feel weird about it...
I'm 23 with no kids off my own. I have worked as a nanny and in childcare since I was 15. I have a degree in child and family development... I have knowledge and plenty of experience but I'm not a mom... So sometimes I feel like I'm on the lower end of the totem pole.
I have been asked for advice before and I loved being able to help out but I always feel weird giving it if I'm not asked.

[Angelsj]

I am like your provider friend.

I love that I am a resource for my clients. My clients love that I am a resource for them

I have never viewed it as overstepping my boundaries or doing something that wasn't my job and it's never made me feel as though I was mothering any one.

I've learned a TON of things myself along the way while trying to find educational articles, methods, ideas, resources etc for my clients so I look at it like a win-win for everyone involved.

I do not get personal or involved in DCP's lives (like the baking pies for anyone or having anyone over for lunch) but I do think the educational part of this profession IS beneficial for everyone...myself, parents, grandparents, children enrolled and my fellow providers or anyone we share with....

It's a lot like this site.....I LOVE helping other providers with advice, ideas, resources and etc. It doesn't mean I am telling anyone how they should or shouldn't do anything, just that I am offering up what I know. People can take it or leave it but if it does help, (even one other provider or parent) then it's all good.

I don't check up on them, they can take or leave the advice, but I do provide resources if I feel they need them, or anything I feel is necessary to make life here go more smoothly.

[debbiedoeszip]

I've become a mom 4 times and have been doing child care for 30+ years. But I still feel ill equipped to educate parents. IF they ask for my advice or suggestions, I'll certainly offer them up, but I feel inferior as to passing on info to them, when they haven't asked. Every family's needs are different plus each child is so unique.
Does anyone else feel this way? I am not a teacher, but a care provider.

I feel the same way.

[Blackcat31]

I don't check up on them, they can take or leave the advice, but I do provide resources if I feel they need them, or anything I feel is necessary to make life here go more smoothly.

Yes! I am not shoving education or unsolicited advice down anyone's throat.

Almost all my parents ask me for help, info, advice and or resources. They all know I've been doing this longer than they have so it only makes sense that I might have knowledge or ideas that they don't.

Even when my own kids were small, just the fact that I cared for 10 kids in one day makes my exposure/experience with children (and their behaviors)that much more than parents so naturally, if something is or isn't normal, I would probably know....and if not, a good place to go to find out the next step.

I really do believe it takes village.

[Angelsj]

Yes! I am not shoving education or unsolicited advice down anyone's throat.

Almost all my parents ask me for help, info, advice and or resources. They all know I've been doing this longer than they have so it only makes sense that I might have knowledge or ideas that they don't.

Even when my own kids were small, just the fact that I cared for 10 kids in one day makes my exposure/experience with children (and their behaviors)that much more than parents so naturally, if something is or isn't normal, I would probably know....and if not, a good place to go to find out the next step.

I really do believe it takes village.

It does. It used to be you could ask grandma (who lived in the same town, or even with you) or the little old lady down the street, or the person with kids a little older than yours next door. Now parents are isolated in many ways, and most don't discuss children at work either, so they really don't have a lot of resources.
We, who have been doing this for years or in mass quantities, or simply who have training, are going to have info they do not, and reliable info generally. We really should try to share that in a caring, just-wondering-if-this-might-help-you, kind of way.
OP, I understand you are shy, but it really is part of the business. You might try by creating a "newletter" that outlines something you thought would be interesting to parents. That way they see you are a fountain of information, but you aren't directing it as "advice" to any particular family.