This DCD Really Gets Under My Skin...

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  • KIDZRMYBIZ
    Daycare.com Member
    • Jun 2013
    • 672

    This DCD Really Gets Under My Skin...

    I have a 6mo DCG whose dad tries to micromanage her days with me. I've been doing this a long time, understand first-time parents and their craziness (), and just go with the flow. DCD thinks she should have a schedule (one that works for him, mind you) that I never allow her to vary on. I believe in "baby-time," not rigid schedules for babies, but she does eat and nap fairly consistently so it hasn't been much of an issue. Ya know, I'm beating around the bush here. I will just say it: the guy is a Class A prick, and a lazy parent to boot. This is a family I whined about on here previously because the weekly rate was with the understanding she would be here no more than 3 days per week, but DCD was dropping her off unannounced on his Mondays.

    So, that said, yesterday DCG had a whack-a-doodle day. She catnaps in the mornings, like about 20 min, which is fine (I think it's because she's generally in her crib from about 7:30pm-8:45/9:15am with only a 6am nursing by mama for interaction. I really don't think she's been active long enough with me to be really tired at 10am). Well, she didn't take that little nap in the morning, and did not fall asleep until 2:53!!! It was because one of my oldest clients hung out with us yesterday (a 22yo college girl on spring break-LOVE her and her 19yo sister's visits!) and she could hear me talking in the kitchen. Then by 3:15 all the DCKs were up and my SAs came home, so she only slept till about 3:30. Then I could not get her to take her bottle for anything. She drank about an ounce, but that was all. I was honest about all this on her little slip I send home.

    So, DCD comes in this morning and tries to rip me a new one. I ruined their whole evening last night, blah, blah, blah. Questions me why she COULDN'T sleep, and basically insinuates that I am too lazy or impatient or busy and that was why she didn't take the bottle, and instructs me on how to feed her. Says he can't understand why because they have no trouble keeping her on this schedule at home. Tells me that tonight they are having a family picture taken, so I MUST keep to the schedule.

    I was hopping mad. This guy really gets my hackles up. I think I know his true colors and what he is like to his wife behind closed doors. I've got your number, buddy, and I will not let you bully me! After his rant, I said to him:

    If you have something important to do in the evening that hinges on DCG's entire day, then you should take the day off. What do you expect me to do, DCD? I can't FORCE her to eat or sleep, I can only provide her with the opportunity to do so. What you are suggesting (holding DCG firmly and "encourage" her to eat until the bottle is empty) is way, way, way against regulations and dangerous. Group care is completely different than being at home, which I'm sure you understand.

    He then interrupts with "We have no problem in social situations either."

    I don't think that's the same thing at all, but I was done talking to this *insert nasty word here*, so I didn't argue. I ended it with a very icy, "I will not FORCE her to eat or sleep. As always, I will continue to take good care of her, and do what's best for her and my group. Have a good day." And I walked away.

    Will see what he has to say at pick-up. We may have words, after I've stewed about it all day.
    Last edited by KIDZRMYBIZ; 03-28-2014, 09:18 AM. Reason: clarification
  • cheerfuldom
    Advanced Daycare.com Member
    • Dec 2010
    • 7413

    #2
    go you! what a jerk. one dad (WAY bigger than me, mind you) got in my face and screamed at me....what is wrong with people!? I really wouldnt be surprised AT ALL to know that this dad was abusive behind closed doors.

    anyway, you did the right thing. I would be clear that you, and no other provider, can guarantee that the babys day is exactly the same as the day before. You care for children, not robots, and his rude actions are undermining your working relationship!

    Comment

    • Blackcat31
      • Oct 2010
      • 36124

      #3
      Did you feel/hear that?

      It was me deep breathing and enduring a long silent pause before typing anything .....

      Wow! I would be steaming mad that he treated you like that!

      As a matter of fact, I'd put the DCG down for a nap today and call him IMMEDIATELY for pick up. Tell him she won't sleep and you wouldn't want a repeat of last night so he will have to come pick her up right.now.

      Do it every single day for the next week. Try to pick the most inopportune time for dad.

      IF he says they have nothing planned for that particular evening, tell him it doesn't matter...you just want to guarantee that her lack of sleeping is NEVER your issue since HE is the one who seems to have an issue with it.

      WOW. Just wow!


      :hug: TO YOU!!

      Comment

      • EntropyControlSpecialist
        Embracing the chaos.
        • Mar 2012
        • 7466

        #4
        How rude of him to speak to the care provider of his baby like that. While they may be able to do x, y, z with no other children present you run a daycare. You are not his nanny. not that a nanny can force a child to adhere to the exact same schedule daily either.

        Comment

        • Laurel
          Daycare.com Member
          • Mar 2013
          • 3218

          #5
          I'm glad you told him off but I wouldn't send home a sheet. If she usually has no problems then I wouldn't even mention a bad day.

          If he calls (because she isn't 'on schedule' at home), I'd say "Oh she was fine here. Wouldn't know what was wrong. Have a good evening."

          Laurel

          Comment

          • EntropyControlSpecialist
            Embracing the chaos.
            • Mar 2012
            • 7466

            #6
            Originally posted by Laurel
            I'm glad you told him off but I wouldn't send home a sheet. If she usually has no problems then I wouldn't even mention a bad day.

            If he calls (because she isn't 'on schedule' at home), I'd say "Oh she was fine here. Wouldn't know what was wrong. Have a good evening."

            Laurel
            I would do this, too.

            Comment

            • KIDZRMYBIZ
              Daycare.com Member
              • Jun 2013
              • 672

              #7
              Thank you, both of you. Some men just really seem to have a problem with not being able to control their kid's day. I'm sure some moms do, too, I just haven't had the pleasure.

              And I've done it plenty of times, just telling them what they want to hear and then all is well, even if it isn't even remotely close to what actually went down.

              But I don't want to do that here. Not with this guy. He WILL see it my way, or it's the highway. Too many people want that infant spot, so I'm not going to indulge his asinine behavior.

              Comment

              • TwinKristi
                Family Childcare Provider
                • Aug 2013
                • 2390

                #8
                wow!! Sounds like they need a nanny not a daycare! What a prick!

                Comment

                • KIDZRMYBIZ
                  Daycare.com Member
                  • Jun 2013
                  • 672

                  #9
                  I didn't see Laurel or Entropy's posts before my 2nd post, but I kinda' answered them with my rambling anyhoo! But thank you, too, for your suggestions. I'd love to inconvenience DCD, and may just do that on the days that I doubt he's at work...

                  I really adore the DCM, and DCG is sweet and a good baby. If I can make DCD back down, all will be well. We will see.

                  Comment

                  • llpa
                    Daycare.com Member
                    • Mar 2012
                    • 460

                    #10
                    What a jerk!!! I would never be able to keep my cool!! You rock!!! I would have handed her right back to him and said goodby. Poor baby to have a Dad like that!

                    Comment

                    • melilley
                      Daycare.com Member
                      • Oct 2012
                      • 5155

                      #11
                      Oh wow! What an ass! I like what you said to him though. I agree with pp, sounds like this did needs to hire a nanny. I don't think some parents get the concept of group care. I am fortunate that my two babies dcp's understand that their routine at home may be different than here. I hope he doesn't give you any crap at p/u and if he does, I hope you give him what he deserves!

                      Comment

                      • countrymom
                        Daycare.com Member
                        • Aug 2010
                        • 4874

                        #12
                        that guys is a jerk. Good for you and don't him be a bully.

                        I will say that I know families like this, micromanage people. Sadly they have the worst kids.

                        Comment

                        • CraftyMom
                          Daycare.com Member
                          • Jan 2014
                          • 2285

                          #13
                          Originally posted by KIDZRMYBIZ
                          Too many people want that infant spot, so I'm not going to indulge his asinine behavior.
                          Be sure to bring this to dad's attention today. "I can see this isn't working out for you, since you don't agree with the way I do things. Will this be your 2 weeks notice? I having several families waiting for an infant spot, and will gladly give the spot to next family since it is clear that this isn't working for you"

                          Comment

                          • Naptime yet?
                            Daycare.com Member
                            • Dec 2013
                            • 443

                            #14
                            Wow. Just when I thought I'd heard it all...

                            Good for you for keeping your cool, I'd be shaking like a leaf with anger.

                            Isn't he special?

                            Comment

                            • My3cents
                              Daycare.com Member
                              • Jan 2012
                              • 3387

                              #15
                              Originally posted by KIDZRMYBIZ
                              Thank you, both of you. Some men just really seem to have a problem with not being able to control their kid's day. I'm sure some moms do, too, I just haven't had the pleasure.

                              And I've done it plenty of times, just telling them what they want to hear and then all is well, even if it isn't even remotely close to what actually went down.

                              But I don't want to do that here. Not with this guy. He WILL see it my way, or it's the highway. Too many people want that infant spot, so I'm not going to indulge his asinine behavior.


                              I would demand respect or he could leave with child and find alternate care. I would tell him that too. Its one thing to work with a parent, but when a child is in group care the care is for the best interest of the group as a whole. Him talking to you in that manner is not acceptable and I wouldn't want to be a part of that, not a tad bit. See ya-

                              There is a side of me that would want to sabotage that family picture too but I wouldn't stoop to that level either- I have the little angel on my one side.........saying don't do it and on the other side a little red man egging me on...........::

                              you sound like you have this one covered. Try to update us on how you make out at pick up time- I hope it turns out well and the Dad realizes he was not a very nice man this morning-

                              Comment

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