Enrolled My Nephew And I Regret It Daily!

[NightOwl]

I don't know if I just need to vent about an impossible situation or if I'm looking for advice. But any advice is appreciated.
Lord help me, I love him, but he is a holy terror. And I have come to realize that my sister is a BAD parent. There is absolutely no help from her with any of the many issues I have with him. He's occasionally violent, very smart mouth (well, my MAMA said....), doesn't nap and is very disruptive while the others are napping, occasionally uses curse words, throws a fit when a time out is given, brings toys and sippy cups every single day (he's 4.5 yo!!), etc, etc, etc.... Some days are worse than others. He can be a real sweetheart when he wants to be. He can be thoughtful and gentle. But those moments are rare.
My sister is immature and does not have him high on her priority list. She is the ONLY dcm I have that is late in the evenings, the only one who does not actively participate when I address an issue with her, the only one who falls behind on payments. I am positive that she is taking advantage of the fact that we are sisters and using it to her every advantage. This whole experience has made me seriously dislike her as a person.

[craftymissbeth]

I took on both of my sisters as clients and they definitely tried to get away with whatever they could. I figured straight out terming would be harder on our relationships than just enforcing policies.... so that's what I did. I got really strict.

This is what you need to do:
1) have a conference with your sister and go over your policies again.
2) let her know that you have let a lot slide because she's your sister but that you've decided that while your nephew is in your care you have to enforce all of your policies
3) make MOM take the food/drinks/toys from him as soon as they walk in. The negative action of taking it away should fall on her shoulders... she's the one who gave it to him, after all.
4) if he doesn't nap and is disruptive then she 'll be called for a pick-up
5) if he's violent or using inappropriate language and you cannot get it to stop after using your discipline plan then he gets picked up
6) if she's late she pays


I guarantee if she starts having to miss work and pay for being late then SHE will have to start taking an active role in fixing the issues

OR

she can go somewhere else and realize how good she had it with you

Your issues may not get resolved, but if you use your backbone and stand up for yourself then you'll feel less stressed (hopefully)

[sahm1225]

TERM!!!

You can tell her that you're changing your group to a younger age group. Tell her your downsizing. Tell her it's you and not her

I actually watch my nephew but it's my brothers kid. My sil is a preschool teacher and they are the best dcfamily I have. My sister on the other hand, you couldn't pay me enough to add her infant to my group. Maybe it's just a sister thing?

But term!!! You will feel so much better

[NightOwl]

Now that was a beautiful answer, craftymissbeth! I am happy to know I'm not the only person being taken advantage of by a family member.

[NightOwl]

One other bit of info, he will start K in August. Should I stick it out for the sake of the relationship or not?

[cara041083]

I had the same issue after I watched my niece and I never got paid! I watched her for 4 months, and after dealing with it I sat my sister down and told her that I didn't think it was going to work. I played stupid and told her that my niece wouldn't listen to me because to her she was at "aunt Cara's house" and not a daycare so she didn't think she had to follow the rules. I never pushed the payment issue because I just wanted her to go somewhere else. It took me a good 3 months before I wanted to be around my sister and niece again. It was a very bad idea and I will never watch family again. Good luck! Sometimes you just have to do whats best for you!

[craftymissbeth]

One other bit of info, he will start K in August. Should I stick it out for the sake of the relationship or not?

I wouldn't stick it out if things don't change. There's a lot of time between now and next school year and if things keep going the way they are you're going to burn out fast

Sorry if I missed it, but how long have you had him?

[craftymissbeth]

I had the same issue after I watched my niece and I never got paid! I watched her for 4 months, and after dealing with it I sat my sister down and told her that I didn't think it was going to work. I played stupid and told her that my niece wouldn't listen to me because to her she was at "aunt Cara's house" and not a daycare so she didn't think she had to follow the rules. I never pushed the payment issue because I just wanted her to go somewhere else. It took me a good 3 months before I wanted to be around my sister and niece again. It was a very bad idea and I will never watch family again. Good luck! Sometimes you just have to do whats best for you!

I thought this was meant for THIS post ::

[NightOwl]

I have had him for 10 months now.

[NightOwl]

TERM!!!

You can tell her that you're changing your group to a younger age group. Tell her your downsizing. Tell her it's you and not her

I actually watch my nephew but it's my brothers kid. My sil is a preschool teacher and they are the best dcfamily I have. My sister on the other hand, you couldn't pay me enough to add her infant to my group. Maybe it's just a sister thing?

But term!!! You will feel so much better

That's a good idea, telling her I'm reducing the age limit. Hmmmm....
And maybe it is. I know we have to look out for each other because we're family, but this goes WAY beyond that. She's full-out abusing me and my business.

[jenboo]

I watch my niece and I love it! I did tell my sister before I enrolled them that I will be enforcing all my policies with her. She won't get special treatment. My niece knows that there is a difference between daycare hours and non daycare hours.
I would suggest terming.. (Think of any excuse you can.) Telling her the truth. Or start enforcing your policies. If he shows up with a sippy, send it home with mom. Tell him no sippies at daycare unless you are younger than 2 yrs etc. I would treat her like any other client.

[NightOwl]

I watch my niece and I love it! I did tell my sister before I enrolled them that I will be enforcing all my policies with her. She won't get special treatment. My niece knows that there is a difference between daycare hours and non daycare hours.
I would suggest terming.. (Think of any excuse you can.) Telling her the truth. Or start enforcing your policies. If he shows up with a sippy, send it home with mom. Tell him no sippies at daycare unless you are younger than 2 yrs etc. I would treat her like any other client.

I am hard on her and my nephew, and then our mom gets angry with me and it's family drama time. My sister is the youngest by 10 years, so she is the "golden child". It's really become an ugly situation and I only see two ways out of it. Keep my mouth shut until he starts K in August, or term him and risk a permanent rift in my family structure, albeit an unfair rift. It would be deemed my fault, for certain. Sigh..... it's definitely a rock and a hard place.

[Play Care]

I am hard on her and my nephew, and then our mom gets angry with me and it's family drama time. My sister is the youngest by 10 years, so she is the "golden child". It's really become an ugly situation and I only see two ways out of it. Keep my mouth shut until he starts K in August, or term him and risk a permanent rift in my family structure, albeit an unfair rift. It would be deemed my fault, for certain. Sigh..... it's definitely a rock and a hard place.

What if you really played up that he's such a BIG SMART boy and that your "little" day care just isn't enough for a child with his brains?

"Sister, I love nephew, but he is just sooooo smart and really needs more activity than I can give him. He's one of the smartest kids I've ever had in my care - I think he really needs all day preschool!"

Maybe?

[sahm1225]

What if you really played up that he's such a BIG SMART boy and that your "little" day care just isn't enough for a child with his brains?

"Sister, I love nephew, but he is just sooooo smart and really needs more activity than I can give him. He's one of the smartest kids I've ever had in my care - I think he really needs all day preschool!"

Maybe?

Yep! Tell her that summer camp will be so much better. He's so smart and such a good kid that he is just bored with daycare.

[mountainside13]

My sister are too young or too immature to have kids now so I don't have first hand experience. But I love the other suggestions, like he is getting too old and is bored at daycare and would do better at summer camp! After reading others stories (here) I won't take neighbors or family.