I Really Am Not A Liar...Sorry To Vent

[Naptime yet?]

I feel like one of my dcfs thinks I'm lying about their baby.

Sorry to be redundant, but it's my new baby, every time I bring something up, they negate it with the "But at home"...

I've told them it can be hard to get a part-time infant on a schedule (dcd said, "I could see that"), or used to daycare, unfamiliar surroundings, etc., that this is not HOME, baby will act differently here, etc. (I admit, if it weren't for the advice on my screaming baby thread I would be hitting the whiskey hard every night---JK!).

Now baby screams at me when I change her diaper (I told dcd, he said, "That's odd, she loves diaper changes AT HOME"). It makes me feel like I'm molesting her, I thought maybe the wipes were irritating her, tried damp paper towels, she wasn't rashy or red, I think she just doesn't want me to put her down. I put diaper cream on her at every diaper change, just to be sure.

I'm documenting her days, when she naps, eats, & screams. My dh said to me tonight, if someone needs full time care, take it & let baby & big brother go. He's already tired of the screaming from baby (we're on week 2) & dcb plays the crying card most mornings at drop-off (he was full time until a few weeks ago, but he's played the card alot).

I'm at a loss. My licensing specialist is actually trying to help me with this, which makes me feel even more like a loser, I'm being beat down by an almost 9 week old.

I'm currently on the 30 day plan. I think that's fair, my other PT screaming baby is doing great, so if this baby doesn't shape up in 30 days, good bye. And that's part of the reason I'm keeping a log, so I can tell mom & dad, "Your baby doesn't like me, I tried..." (this baby likes me to hold her where she's supported by my arm, but face down, so she sees the floor--I told dcd that she doesn't even like to see my face!---I do talk to her & make happy faces, but she's happiest face down)

The funny thing is, this family went PT because they "couldn't afford daycare for 2 kids", yet grandmom could watch kids for free, but dcm has a problem with her. Plus, with the new addition to the house & the new car...

Vent over, I feel better. My family is sick of hearing me complain, I guess that's the joy of writing/typing, it's selfish, I can't see anyone rolling their eyes & thinking to themselves "here she goes again".

PS: I really do applaud those of you who have more than 2 under 2 and can deal with it, I'm thinking the older I get the more my patience begins to trickle away...

[blandino]

"Not at home" is the daycare version of pass the buck.

It is something parents say for a variety of reasons.

1. The child DOES it at home. They don't want to admit to it, because it means there is some fault in their child or their a ability to care for their child. (Not that it actually means that), but parents want to make it seem like their care taking is superior to yours.

2. The child DOES do it at home, but the parents have some way of catering to the behavior that has eliminated it, and probably something a DCP would laugh at. i.e. my DCD who said "well, he never hits at home - instead when he raises his arms to hit me, I give him a big hug to stop him". *yes* this was an actual conversation. And this DCD was actually saying that even though his son raised his arms to hit him, because the father had stopped him, in his mind the DCB hadn't hit. So your family might have one parent distract her with toys or sing a lullaby, and put on an entire circus at home so that that baby is happy during diaper changes. They have molded the way they parent around her preferences, and probably don't even realize they are doing it half the time.

3. The child DOES do it at home, but the parents are lying about it because they don't want to feel guilty sticking you with a fussy child. Saying that she never does it for them, allows them to pretend that they sound/feel better leaving a provider with a fussy baby.

All 3 options involve the baby actually doing it at home. VERY RARELY is a behavior isolated to daycare, IMHO.

[daycarediva]

"Not at home" is the daycare version of pass the buck.

It is something parents say for a variety of reasons.

1. The child DOES it at home. They don't want to admit to it, because it means there is some fault in their child or their a ability to care for their child. (Not that it actually means that), but parents want to make it seem like their care taking is superior to yours.

2. The child DOES do it at home, but the parents have some way of catering to the behavior that has eliminated it, and probably something a DCP would laugh at. i.e. my DCD who said "well, he never hits at home - instead when he raises his arms to hit me, I give him a big hug to stop him". *yes* this was an actual conversation. And this DCD was actually saying that even though his son raised his arms to hit him, because the father had stopped him, in his mind the DCB hadn't hit. So your family might have one parent distract her with toys or sing a lullaby, and put on an entire circus at home so that that baby is happy during diaper changes. They have molded the way they parent around her preferences, and probably don't even realize they are doing it half the time.

3. The child DOES do it at home, but the parents are lying about it because they don't want to feel guilty sticking you with a fussy child. Saying that she never does it for them, allows them to pretend that they sound/feel better leaving a provider with a fussy baby.

All 3 options involve the baby actually doing it at home. VERY RARELY is a behavior isolated to daycare, IMHO.

UNLESS the behavior is at daycare because that's the only place the child is around other children. I had a talk with a dcm yesterday about her son screaming in kids faces. In that case, he doesn't do it at home/he was fine yesterday is applicable. He has two parents + grandma giving him everything he wants and entertain him constantly. He is NEVER around peers. So it takes a full day to get used to kids again.

[KidGrind]

"Not at home" is the daycare version of pass the buck.

It is something parents say for a variety of reasons.

1. The child DOES it at home. They don't want to admit to it, because it means there is some fault in their child or their a ability to care for their child. (Not that it actually means that), but parents want to make it seem like their care taking is superior to yours.

2. The child DOES do it at home, but the parents have some way of catering to the behavior that has eliminated it, and probably something a DCP would laugh at. i.e. my DCD who said "well, he never hits at home - instead when he raises his arms to hit me, I give him a big hug to stop him". *yes* this was an actual conversation. And this DCD was actually saying that even though his son raised his arms to hit him, because the father had stopped him, in his mind the DCB hadn't hit. So your family might have one parent distract her with toys or sing a lullaby, and put on an entire circus at home so that that baby is happy during diaper changes. They have molded the way they parent around her preferences, and probably don't even realize they are doing it half the time.

3. The child DOES do it at home, but the parents are lying about it because they don't want to feel guilty sticking you with a fussy child. Saying that she never does it for them, allows them to pretend that they sound/feel better leaving a provider with a fussy baby.

All 3 options involve the baby actually doing it at home. VERY RARELY is a behavior isolated to daycare, IMHO.

I almost totally agree with you. Some babies and tots do act totally different at home than at daycare. I have a DCB who plays helpless every time his DCF appears. He expects to sit in an high chair and be fed like a 6 month old. Yet here he sits at a table and feeds himself. Note DCM did not believe he could feed himself until I sentt photographic evidence. She literally said, “You don’t feed him. My baby must be starving. He is wasting away.” It was so ridiculous I literally laughed in her face.

I also have a DCK who is rude and doesn’t listen when on DCFs watch. Here he listens and has excellent manners.

I also have a DCM whom ruins DCB’s schedule on the weekends or during absences. Then when I get him back, “I really need him on a schedule. I need him to nap.” I laugh and get him back on his schedule within two days. She’ll claim he naps and is just the sugar lump of the universe. Yet, calls me for help on the weekends or forgets 2 days later when she comes in with bags under her eyes & what she previously told me.

So I live the post you’ve written and the flip side of it. It would’ve been perfection with a 4. And sometimes what they do at home isn’t what they do at daycare.

[Shell]

I find with parents like this, that I just stop giving them all the information- just short and sweet, and only talk in depth if there is a real issue. They are aware of what is going on, but don't want to hear it, which is why they are giving you the line that it isn't happening at home. I truly believe they are not being truthful to you, and these behaviors are likely to be happening at home. Blandino's explanation is great.
Your idea of 30 days is great, too. Give it a try, and if things don't improve, move on. All you can do is try your best.

[llpa]

I find with parents like this, that I just stop giving them all the information- just short and sweet, and only talk in depth if there is a real issue. They are aware of what is going on, but don't want to hear it, which is why they are giving you the line that it isn't happening at home. I truly believe they are not being truthful to you, and these behaviors are likely to be happening at home. Blandino's explanation is great.
Your idea of 30 days is great, too. Give it a try, and if things don't improve, move on. All you can do is try your best.

[racemom]

I have to agree with everything that has been said. No other advice just sending sympathy to you. This reminds me why I like working in a center better than home daycare. I have another adult to pass this child back and forth. Neither of us are stuck with crying baby all day! I feel for you trying to handle it alone.

[nothingwithoutjoy]

It's so hard to deal with constant crying! But don't let yourself go to "baby doesn't like me." It's not about liking. It's hard for babies to be away from parents, to get used to new routines, to be comfortable in a new place. Don't blame yourself.

My daughter also preferred that belly-down holding. She had allergies, and cried a lot, probably from stomach distress before we figured it out. I think that position made her more comfortable. Maybe?

[countrymom]

I have a cryer too, and he's 14 months old. So I asked the older brothers if he cries alot and guess what, he does. That the older brother said that they have to carry him to make him stop (this is coming from a 8 yr old) and it all started to make sense. But mom swears that no one carries him and he never ever cries, ya right.

and vent away, my dh sometimes gets tired of listening to me, thats why I have all you guys !

[mountainside13]

I agree with everyone else! It doesn't just happen at daycare! I feel the same way when I start new posts, I can feel others rolling their eyes ::

[taylorw1210]

I agree with everyone else on the idea that the parents are just passing the buck! Hang in there. :hug:

[Cradle2crayons]

I have he opposite problem. All of my parents tell me all the bad things heir kids do at home and I :confused: look at them...

For instance,,,
Mom of dcb 9 months (brother to special heart dcg ) ::::"miss Lynn does CJ cry all the time here?"
Me: "CJ never cries here"
Mom: " I know every time I drop him off and pick him up he's so happy but all he does is cry at home"
Me:: :confused::confused:


Mom of three sibling set
"How come they don't throw fits at your house but I can't even go to the store without an issue"
Me:: " because they know it isn't allowed here"

[nannyde]

They are lying. They may be telling the truth that she doesn't cry there but they have to be doing something to get her to stop. She has to be held, walked, rocked, swung, and most likely a binky or nipple attached at all times.

The baby preferring to be held that way may be a gas issue or a muscle spasm issue. There's a condition called torticollis (I think that's the spelling). Look into that.

Don't take it personally and quit discussing it with them. They won't do a single thing to make your life easier.

If she is fussy put her on her belly so she can exercise a lot. Keep switching her around from swing, seat, floor, etc. and hold her when you are doing a feeding and when she is HAPPY.

[Naptime yet?]

Thank you, everyone, I do switch her around, try tummy time, etc., talk to her in quiet tones...It is a wanting to be held issue and DCM is fully aware I cannot hold baby all day. She's just like, "well, let her cry" & I said, she escalates to SCREAMING, that's the issue.

The diaper changing thing gets me, I think baby thinks I'm going to hold her, then when I put her down to change her diaper the screaming begins. I let my licensing person know because I'm paranoid things could go south & I'll be accused of abuse.

I've only been giving dcps daily reports so if I term they'll know why. Plus dcd drops off/picks up & according to mom, he's clueless (I don't think he knows the word "no"). I did ask mom for suggestions last week, if there was anything else I could try to calm baby. Swaddling is helping her to sleep, but I can't keep her swaddled all day (baby burrito!). DCM did look at me like I was crazy when I told her baby screams & I just chuckled to myself. Sorry, but baby girl isn't the sweetest most perfect angel baby.

Ahhhh...come on Saturday!

[TaylorTots]

I don't have advice but *HUGS*

It's very hard as a provider to make the call whether you should continue care if the family does not trust you with their child. I have a family currently in a mental probation period because DCD (I only deal with DCM but she shares with me every opinion DCD has) doesn't seem trust me AT ALL.

:hug: