WWYD: Increasingly Poor Behavior at Pick Ups

[taylorw1210]

I would be like a parrot on his shoulder ALL day discussing, reminding him about what type of behavior you expect during pick up. Walk him through it step by step if necessary

You "Ok, Jimmy, when I say it is time to get ready to go, you are going to do what?" (this is where he needs to recall the continuous discussion you had with him about his expected behavior at pick up....)

Jimmy "Go get my shoes and out them on"

You "Yes!! After you get your shoes on, what is next?"

Jimmy "I will get my coat and put that on"

You "Yes, you will put your coat on. Then you will do what when mom arrives?"

Jimmy "I will walk on my own like a big boy to the car without throwing a fit."

You "Yes, you will walk to the car like a big boy and not throw a fit"

Continue repeating the steps he needs to take ALL day until pick up. At pick up, give him an opportunity to do those things. Give a verbal reminder if you see him begin to start veering from the plan if necessary.

It may take a day or two but he WILL get it. But he will ONLY get it if he is shown that negative behaviors = boring day at daycare and compliant behavior = having a great day and lots of fun!

Whether he is bored or not is up to him.

Show him how that give and take works.

I've been doing this, so that's good!

I have one like this and I haven't chosen to term. I have had the family since a couple months after I opened.

I found that what was irritating me wasn't that the child wouldn't get dressed, it was that I was having to focus on her instead whatever else I could have used the time to accomplish and that I was actually giving in to making this a power struggle with a child.

I now give the child a huge amount of time to get ready and then put it on her. She is 3 1/2. I need her to get dressed and ready for school drop off at 8:15AM so at 7AM, I put her in the kitchen where I can see her and ask her to get ready. I then go on with my morning breakfast routine with the other kids and pay no attention to her. If she finishes in time she eats with the other kids and has a few minutes to play, if not the only person losing out is her. She will have to eat alone after we come back from drop off. All but 1 time she has decided to get ready in time to go. The one time she didn't, I called her mother to pick her up.

At pickup, same thing. 1 hour before pickup, I ask her to get her stuff on. If she does it, she gets to play. If she doesn't the loss is hers. She almost always decides to get ready because who wants to sit around and watch the others for an hour. When DCM shows up, I hand the child right out the door like everyone on this site has suggested and let the struggle that will follow happen outside my house. The one in 20 time she doesn't choose to get ready, I put her things on 5 minutes to pickup and hand her out the door.

As time has gone on, the amount of time I need to allow has gotten shorter and the entire issue no longer stresses me at all.

Thank you for sharing your personal experience!

You are on the right track. This is a child who thinks that he is the center of the universe. He needs to learn that the world does not revolve around him, especially with the new baby. Parents need to be on board with this. They can teach him now, or really have their hands full when he's 12 and on.

I would also address the words he is using. He has no right to say that he hates anyone, especially his parents. If he can't speak appropriately, using kind words, he needs to keep his mouth shut. He does not have the right to control my air space with his negative, hateful words. The other issue is that other children are hearing his verbal barrage and that is not something I would allow. Tough love for a couple of weeks, with the parents reinforcing the same rules, and you will see a different child.

The parents need to have consequences for bad pick up behavior. Removal of screen time privileges, or play time, but some kind of consequence for poor behavior. They also need to reinforce the good behavior with small rewards along the way to acknowledge and reinforce the changes. Good luck. It's hard, but you can make a difference in this child's life.

Thanks so much for your input. DCM and I are on the same page, but it's obvious that she's struggling with DCD and grandparents regarding backing her up. I hope that she is able to get them all on the same page so we can work together to correct these behaviors. They've gotten progressively worse over the last few months and unfortunately are bleeding into daycare now.

His famous phrases are, "I'm bored of this!" and saying he hates things. I put a stop to both of them the instant I hear the words cross his lips, however he seems to say them more often when family is here to drop him off/pick him up. The few times he's said it today while being glued to my side I've talked with him at length about how saying those things are not okay and are part of the reason he is not able to have fun with the rest of the kids today.

I have talked with DCM at length with the issues and she seems to be doing what is necessary but claims she's having a hard time keeping it consistent since DCD and grandparents aren't backing her up. I'm not sure what else I can do at this point, but hope that everyone gets on the same page because this boy will be starting Pre-K in the fall and I foresee lots of issues if these behaviors don't get sorted out...

[My3cents]

I wish I could do the Bye Bye outside- I live close to a busy road. I don't feel comfortable with that.

you got some great ideas and will apply the shadow method to one of my littles that thinks its fun to run at pick up time- stalls and is capable but just doesn't want to comply at pick up. Fun fun fun........never ending fun~

[daycare]

I agree with BC as long as the parents are on board. I did this with a kid, making him accountable for his actions the next day and making him my shadow. the parents were not on board with me and next thing I hear is that the DCK hates coming here becuase they don't like being in trouble all the time.

These parents were not being helpful in anyway and it ended with the family leaving.

I would have a sit down with the parents, make sure that they are on board with you and then do what BC said.....

[TaylorTots]

If a child hit me and understood that was not ok before doing so, I would put on probation or term.