Can’t Believe I Am Saying No... Maybe?

[Mister Sir Husband]

So... I am currently licensed for daycare, but don't have any kids yet. We are ok with this as financially we are doing fine. My wife makes a good amount of cash and my being home all day helps a lot as we have 3 kids of our own ages 5,6 and 11. Anything that comes up that they need.. be it a ride home from school cause they don't feel well or an after school thing, or getting them on the bus in the am.. I am here. My wife and I currently enjoy the peace of mind that the kids are well cared for and safe with me instead of paying someone else to watch them. I am basically a "soccer dad"

So anyways... a previous employer of mine called me tonight and offered me a serious amount of money to come back to work. (I left this company on my own decision years ago... wasn't laid off or fired, just had a better offer at the time) He offered me more money than I would make if I had 4 kids enrolled full time, plus benefits, vacation time, an office, etc..

I cant believe I am going to do this, but with all the effort and time I put into opening my own business, and even though I am actually thousands of dollars in the hole getting my daycare ready to pass inspections, and have no prospects yet lined up to actually make any money.. I am leaning towards calling him back and turning down the job.

I'm not really sure if I am looking for advice here, or just venting.... or sharing to get it out. I was just floored when I was offered this opportunity. I am actually feeling that I don't want it because the idea of being my own boss is very appealing, but am also feeling horrible because they offered it to me before it was posted because I am a perfect fit for it... and by turning it down I am letting them down. Kinda like they are asking for my help and I am saying no.

Anyways... Thanks for reading this far.. I guess I just needed to lay it all out here for some input?

[Naptime yet?]

I wish I had some advice, other than trust your intuition. Would you lose all the flexibility, as far as your own children go? Would you be "working for the man" (I'm teasing)?

Have you & your wife made the pro/con list? If it's not about the money, then follow your heart. It's awesome your former employee thinks highly of you to offer you this job, but I don't think you'd let them down by refusing (greener pastures?).

[Mister Sir Husband]

I would be losing flexibility... I would need to arrange to have someone get my youngest daughter on the bus as she leaves at 8:30 and I would need to be at work by 7:30... plus my step son would need daycare as he isn't in school yet. Plus anything my oldest daughter wants to join after school, be it her music or a sports thing would be depending on if I could be there in time to help with transportation.. plus when there is no school I have all three kids home with, well,.. I dunno. I guess pay someone to watch them?

I have pretty much decided to turn it down, but like I said I hate to disappoint them by doing so. I worked for this company for over 10 years and consider everyone there in upper management my friends as well as former coworkers... and the job they are offering needs to be filled by the end of the month. I am seriously qualified to just step into it with minimal training and if I don't take it, they are gonna have to scramble to find someone to fill it in time, plus fully train them.

The more I have thought about it, the more I am leaning towards saying no and being here for my family. The stereotype dictates that the husband should be the bread winner, but in our case, my wife makes the bigger check, and still would by 2x what I am being offered. My being here with our kids allows her to be able to have the time to do this, and even though its a tremendous opportunity for me, I think its better for my family that I be the stay at home husband.

[Naptime yet?]

Then I say, good for you! I have a friend who is a stay-at-home dad, has basically raised his 2 kids by himself, as his wife travels a lot for work, and he's doing a great job of being Mr. Mom (is that sexist?).

You know your family comes first, it sounds like you're making the right decision. You may still feel some kind of obligation to your friends/former coworkers, but in reality, it's not your problem, they'll figure it out. You're doing what's best for you & your family, that's all that counts.

[KidGrind]

I would be losing flexibility... I would need to arrange to have someone get my youngest daughter on the bus as she leaves at 8:30 and I would need to be at work by 7:30... plus my step son would need daycare as he isn't in school yet. Plus anything my oldest daughter wants to join after school, be it her music or a sports thing would be depending on if I could be there in time to help with transportation.. plus when there is no school I have all three kids home with, well,.. I dunno. I guess pay someone to watch them?

I have pretty much decided to turn it down, but like I said I hate to disappoint them by doing so. I worked for this company for over 10 years and consider everyone there in upper management my friends as well as former coworkers... and the job they are offering needs to be filled by the end of the month. I am seriously qualified to just step into it with minimal training and if I don't take it, they are gonna have to scramble to find someone to fill it in time, plus fully train them.

The more I have thought about it, the more I am leaning towards saying no and being here for my family. The stereotype dictates that the husband should be the bread winner, but in our case, my wife makes the bigger check, and still would by 2x what I am being offered. My being here with our kids allows her to be able to have the time to do this, and even though its a tremendous opportunity for me, I think its better for my family that I be the stay at home husband.

People often say women are too emotional (feelings) when it comes to business. At the end of the day, it’s a business. They didn’t crumble & fall to ruin when you left. They won’t when you turn down the job opportunity. Hiring, training, people come and go are all part of business.

The fact they offered you a great opportunity speaks to the quality of your work and the lasting impression you’ve made. The greatest opportunity is you CAN be there for your family to fully support your spouse in her career. Your kids don’t have a dad who pays the bills, golfs and barely knows who they are let alone their interests. You have the luxury (a lot of males don’t) to be the kid winner instead of the bread winner.

You don’t seem at all tempted to accept the position beyond not wanting to disappoint your former coworkers. If there is even a 5% chance you’d take the job an au pair could be your answer.

[LadyPearl]

Just a thought: Can you work part-time and still maintain some flexibility?

[melskids]

Just a thought: Can you work part-time and still maintain some flexibility?

Also....Is it anything you can do from home?

[CraftyMom]

Sounds like you've already made your decision. Would you look back in 10 years when the kids are much older and regret that you weren't home for them like you wanted to be?

If you financially don't need the job then refuse the position in such a way that the doors are still open should you change your mind down the road.

There will always be job opportunities and time to make money when the kids are grown. They are only little for a very short time and they will remember that you were there for them and that can't be replaced

[Mister Sir Husband]

Part time and work from home are not an option. I did even ask if I could flex the hours and go in a bit later after my kids are off to school and they cant do it. The job description requires my being there the entire first shift as nothing would be shipped out the door until I have signed off on it for quality and completion.

Having thought about it all last night and this morning, I have decided I really cant take it. It is a real decent amount of money being offered, but at the end of the day, my children would have spent time with someone else watching them, asking how their day went, helping them with homework, etc.. and I cant see it being worth it to trade this time with them for a few dollars in my pocket. Plus, I am confident that at some point I will get some kids enrolled and will have both the time with my family and the cash.

[CraftyMom]

Having thought about it all last night and this morning, I have decided I really cant take it. It is a real decent amount of money being offered, but at the end of the day, my children would have spent time with someone else watching them, asking how their day went, helping them with homework, etc.. and I cant see it being worth it to trade this time with them for a few dollars in my pocket. Plus, I am confident that at some point I will get some kids enrolled and will have both the time with my family and the cash.

You will get some kids enrolled soon! Then you will have the best of both worlds

[spinnymarie]

Sounds like turning it down is the right fit - you can always turn them down nicely and tell them that maybe in the future it would be a good fit, but not at the moment.

[slorey]

Not trying to convince you otherwise, because it sounds like you have already made the best decision for your family, but keep in mind that once you have other kids enrolled, your flexibility to do some of the things you listed as pros to staying home will be affected. It is much harder to transport to after school activities with 4-5 extra kids! So, you will most likely lose some of that flexibility anyway. That being said, I still believe you have made the best decision for you and your family. Even though they offered a decent amount of compensation, you also have to remember that a lot of that will have to go towards paying someone to watch 3 kids. I wouldn't worry too much about letting them down. I am sure they will find someone else. Plus, you could leave it open for something you would consider in the future, but not something you can do at this time. Good luck with everything!

[Mister Sir Husband]

I though about the money a bit more myself.. they are offering more than I would make with 4 kids enrolled, but after my expenses are added up to take the job.. someone to watch my kids, get them on the bus, gas for my van etc.. I would now only have left an amount less than what I would make with 2 kids enrolled. Plus to pick up and drop off my kids every day would have me leaving at 630 am and getting home at 530 pm. Now that the shock of being offered this opportunity has settled down, my decision to turn it down is making lots more sense.

[llpa]

Having left thirteen yrs in the corp world to open my little center and being thousands in the hole from paying rent, I applaud your decision not to take the job. This first six months has been harder than anything with only two enrolled and rent due every month! I am really trying hard to keep a positive outlook. You can def be of some influence to your family! Your children are lucky to have "soccer Dad" happyface and if you don't have a go at DC you will always wonder whether it would have been what you thought. It is such a compliment to you that they want you back! Feel good about that!

[KIDZRMYBIZ]

Look back at your old posts here. I remember reading how excited you were to start your daycare!

I, for one, would be sad to see you take the job, only because I thought it was way awesome for a man to open a daycare!

But you, sir, need to follow your heart. Ask yourself where you want to be now...next year...5 years...10 years. Then go with what fits that. Good luck!