Is Anyone Finding Parents To Be...

[Blackcat31]

I think parents want the special diet and tutoring not bc they want the best for their children but bc they want to flaunt how trendy they are and flaunt their creation. They want Pookie yo get an ivy league education so they can brag....not bc they don't want to see their kids struggle. They want their Pookie to order the gluten free vegan dish when out at a restaurant so they can take a Facebook picture of their trendy oh so cool child.

Alot of these individual requests are also due to the parents need for individual attention.

If your child is different from the others, then YOU get lots of "specialized" attention.

Think Munchausen by Proxy only now days it is Munchausen by Facebook

[Unregistered]

My theory is that SOOOO many young parents these days have no experience with children, at all. Never held a baby until they had a baby of their own. Its a generational thing where there are more and more people growing up in small families or as a singleton combined with the loss of community, where they are not around other kids and families and babysitting as teens and that sort of thing that would be very common in generations past. As adults, they are surrounded by peer age groups who also know nothing so they resort to books, blogs, and parenting magazines for info. That is how you get the scripted questions, unfair expectations for care and for their own child's milestones. Combine that with the selfish nature and materialistic nature and these parents also want long hours, cheap rates, nanny care, academics/sports/baby yoga/etc plus any other trendy thing like organic homemade baby food that they see pop up on the blogs and in other people's opinions. Total it all up and it makes a super intense mom. They want to feel like they are giving their child everything by paying someone else to do all the work.

All that to say, you are not experiencing anything that the rest of us don't experience. I refuse to work with these type of moms but I am fortunate that I don't have to take more than four or five so I can be selective of the families I work for. I generally work for teachers. This has been a slow and steady transition as I find that those that work with children, have the fairest expectations of me. I dont work for super intense, first time, get-all-my-info-from-a-trendy-parenting-blog mom. They are NEVER happy, rarely ever last long and generally their children are extremely typical and ordinary. Meaning that they do not have the gifted special snowflake that they think they do.

I wonder if this is a regional thing, because when I find out someone is a teacher I usually find a reason to reject them. I used to be a teacher and my first clients were all TEACHERS. I just got fed up of people making good money and good benefits complaining to me. I also got tired of them wanting all their days free. I also got tired of knowing someone was home on say Good Friday and them coming at 6pm. I feel they're the moms that are like that. I.e. My child just turned 18 months why isn't he/she...? They know the milestones and what colleges are looking for. They know how must children act, but think their children are above it. I once had a parent term after she said some Ivy looks for something and I turned around and said "Well, good luck. From what I can see your child isn't college material. If you're so concerned with X, why didn't you practice it with them last Tuesday when you had the day off?".

[hope]

Alot of these individual requests are also due to the parents need for individual attention.

If your child is different from the others, then YOU get lots of "specialized" attention.

Think Munchausen by Proxy only now days it is Munchausen by Facebook

Well now we know what to blame. ...it's all face book's fault! Lol!!!

[Baby lady]

Alot of these individual requests are also due to the parents need for individual attention.

If your child is different from the others, then YOU get lots of "specialized" attention.

Think Munchausen by Proxy only now days it is Munchausen by Facebook

I heard a radio report that the incidence of Munchausen by proxy is increasing, because with social media it's so easy to get a much bigger audience, and more attention and sympathy

[Blackcat31]

I heard a radio report that the incidence of Munchausen by proxy is increasing, because with social media it's so easy to get a much bigger audience, and more attention and sympathy

See?

Maybe I'm not that far off in my thinking....


My DH says Facebook for too many people is nothing more than "social masturbation".

[Bookworm]

See?

Maybe I'm not that far off in my thinking....


My DH says Facebook for too many people is nothing more than "social masturbation".

BC, your response is why we need a like button.

[Unregistered]

I'm just looking for one newborn to watch while I go to grad school this Fall. I've done a traditional home daycare for 10 years, so I thought it would be easy--an ideal situation for someone. Wrong! The fun-filled parents in my area, want their infants to have lots of "friends." I can't even finish typing...my eyeballs permanently rolled up into my head....

Uh-oh! There goes my retirement plan

[Unregistered]

I get tired of hearing how teachers are paid so poorly. And that they get a tax break for a measly $400 spent on their classroom. Poor babies.
People think that what they pay us is what we "make". But we take an incredible $ amount out of that for expenses, many of them required by law.
I did used to have a lot of teacher families though, and they were good, for the most part. Better on average, than most. There were some clunkers though.

[Unregistered]

I get tired of hearing how teachers are paid so poorly. And that they get a tax break for a measly $400 spent on their classroom. Poor babies.
People think that what they pay us is what we "make". But we take an incredible $ amount out of that for expenses, many of them required by law.
I did used to have a lot of teacher families though, and they were good, for the most part. Better on average, than most. There were some clunkers though.

I know A LOT of teachers who still have years to retirement and they're making about 60K. I feel bad for some teachers, because it is a struggle in other ways. Like I remember a parent not bringing in supplies. My aide was incompetent and a liar. She said she brought the supplies. I said if you saw them, you should pay for them. The principal made us split the cost. There was plenty of times as a teacher I had to pay out of my pocket. Also, at least we get to term. There so many terrible parents and children I had to put up with for ten months. Some teachers can be really nasty. Like some were referred to me not knowing I used to work in a head start. They were like "I'm a teacher". I would always cut them off and tell them I was a teacher for the board, too. Now, I have my teaching license, BA, and Dean's List certificates hanging in the "office" where I interview parents.

[Play Care]

I get tired of hearing how teachers are paid so poorly. And that they get a tax break for a measly $400 spent on their classroom. Poor babies.
People think that what they pay us is what we "make". But we take an incredible $ amount out of that for expenses, many of them required by law.
I did used to have a lot of teacher families though, and they were good, for the most part. Better on average, than most. There were some clunkers though.

I have to say that for the most part, I DO love having teachers as clients. BUT I have a special teacher contract that they must adhere to in order to get a discount - so that takes out the come in early, stay late, come on on days off type of stuff...I prefer having a lighter load on vacations though and am blessed to have that option. And for the most part, they are the most realistic about group care.

That said, I also get tired of teacher complaining about their jobs or trying to get discounts because of their "small" paychecks - all the teachers I know (and I say this as the wife, daughter and sister of teachers) make plenty of money. No other job has the time off that they get - and often when they do leave the teaching field they are gobsmacked to work and *only* get two weeks off a year - that they have to compete for with other co-workers. I know many who go back to teaching because they can't hack "real" hours...

[mommyneedsadayoff]

My theory is that SOOOO many young parents these days have no experience with children, at all. Never held a baby until they had a baby of their own. Its a generational thing where there are more and more people growing up in small families or as a singleton combined with the loss of community, where they are not around other kids and families and babysitting as teens and that sort of thing that would be very common in generations past. As adults, they are surrounded by peer age groups who also know nothing so they resort to books, blogs, and parenting magazines for info. That is how you get the scripted questions, unfair expectations for care and for their own child's milestones. Combine that with the selfish nature and materialistic nature and these parents also want long hours, cheap rates, nanny care, academics/sports/baby yoga/etc plus any other trendy thing like organic homemade baby food that they see pop up on the blogs and in other people's opinions. Total it all up and it makes a super intense mom. They want to feel like they are giving their child everything by paying someone else to do all the work.

All that to say, you are not experiencing anything that the rest of us don't experience. I refuse to work with these type of moms but I am fortunate that I don't have to take more than four or five so I can be selective of the families I work for. I generally work for teachers. This has been a slow and steady transition as I find that those that work with children, have the fairest expectations of me. I dont work for super intense, first time, get-all-my-info-from-a-trendy-parenting-blog mom. They are NEVER happy, rarely ever last long and generally their children are extremely typical and ordinary. Meaning that they do not have the gifted special snowflake that they think they do.

I know this is old and not sure if cheerful still hangs here, but i have been home sick for 3 days now and just reading the archives and random parent/provider forums, and this post just really hit home to me. I feel like these new parents need guidance. I got it from my mom and grandma, but that doesnt seem to be the norm anymore

[nannyde]

I feel like these new parents need guidance. I got it from my mom and grandma, but that doesnt seem to be the norm anymore

Oh they get guidance. They get their information from their Mommy Facebook groups and their echo chambers in whatever groups espouse whatever it is they believe is right.

Daycare providers aren't a part of that because daycare providers have a lot of "no's" and "that isn't normal".

They can always find a "yes" group that tells them what they believe is normal.

Child rearing is the only thing I can think of where the "worker" believes they are an expert in the field without a single ounce of experience. Our society, the baby experts, and the echo chambers tell them that they know their baby best and they know what"s best for their baby.

It isn't true but it SELLS. There are so many businesses that make so much money selling this to parents.

You have to work around it because it's not going to get any better. The work around is to say what you will or will not do and stick to it. You don't have to address their "woo". You just have to say and do what it best for your business.

Learn this phrase: "I don't provide that service".

It's not judgmental. It's not addressing what they are asking for or trying to force you to do. It just says YOU don't offer it.

"I want my baby to have six ounces TOTAL of breast milk a day because he "cluster feeds" at night".

You: I don't provide that service. I allow babies to free feed and they decide the amount they need at each feeding. If their "cluster feeding" means they have access to six ounces in a ten hour day then I can't provide service.

"I want to potty learn with elimination training".

YOU: I don't provide that service. I begin potty training when children are able to say the words "I have to go potty" BEFORE they have to go.

"I don't want my x year old to nap"

YOU: I don't provide that service. I don't provide service to children who don't NEED a full afternoon nap.

"I want my baby held and rocked to sleep".

YOU: I don't provide that service. I put the babies to bed wide awake every nap every day.

It doesn't speak to their want. It doesn't degrade them or make them feel like you are telling them what to do. There are a zillion providers who will do what the parent wants because they want the money. They just need to find "desperate" provider or "I offer that service" provider.

It really isn't personal. I don't feel like it's my job to educate parents unless they ask and the answer I give them takes a small amount of my time. I don't want conferencing that turns into bargaining.

There's too many powerful contributing editors to their parenting. The experienced child care provider SHOULD be near the top of their list but they aren't.

Knowing your place is a key to longevity. Knowing they believe that because they are the parent and they pay you they decide and dispelling that on or before the first interview, is a key to longevity.

[Blackcat31]

Knowing your place is a key to longevity. Knowing they believe that because they are the parent and they pay you they decide and dispelling that on or before the first interview, is a key to longevity.

this is soooooo true!