Is Anyone Finding Parents To Be...

[Shell]

Super intense these days? Especially first time parents?

I am always over prepared for interviews, and make sure to cover just about everything. In the past, I found I was giving too much info, and parents didn't really care- just wanted a nice, clean, safe spot for their child. So now, I really just go over the phb and ask basic questions about feedings, naps, lifestyle, etc.
However, my last two interviews were the most intense yet. My daycare is organic (started at the request of the most intense mom I had encountered...at that point), yet I am finding parents are so over the top about organic, that what I have isn't enough :confused: I also do follow a curriculum for infants, but mostly they need to find a routine, eat, sleep, play, etc. but the new parents are expecting something like what a center would provide: a packet outlining the type of curriculum and all sorts of info...just seems different now.

The parents I am finding seem to be asking those token questions in parenting books, which is totally fine-but I feel like they are missing the most basic points, which is that they should trust the caregiver enough to know that he/she knows how to handle almost any situation.

There's more examples, but the main point is that I thought I had already met some of the most high maintenance parents so far, but they seem to be getting more and more intense/high maintenance. Anyone else?

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I call them Harvard Moms. I find that their children are burnt out on all of the performance-type stuff that Mom wants them to do OR they are delayed and Mom thinks they are brilliant and need to be reading by age 3.

[spinnymarie]

After interviewing one of these, we decided to open a teachers-only daycare. Not only do we have the summers off, we also ONLY get teachers as parents. Which, IME, teachers have the most realistic view of daycare and what should be/will be happening.

[cheerfuldom]

My theory is that SOOOO many young parents these days have no experience with children, at all. Never held a baby until they had a baby of their own. Its a generational thing where there are more and more people growing up in small families or as a singleton combined with the loss of community, where they are not around other kids and families and babysitting as teens and that sort of thing that would be very common in generations past. As adults, they are surrounded by peer age groups who also know nothing so they resort to books, blogs, and parenting magazines for info. That is how you get the scripted questions, unfair expectations for care and for their own child's milestones. Combine that with the selfish nature and materialistic nature and these parents also want long hours, cheap rates, nanny care, academics/sports/baby yoga/etc plus any other trendy thing like organic homemade baby food that they see pop up on the blogs and in other people's opinions. Total it all up and it makes a super intense mom. They want to feel like they are giving their child everything by paying someone else to do all the work.

All that to say, you are not experiencing anything that the rest of us don't experience. I refuse to work with these type of moms but I am fortunate that I don't have to take more than four or five so I can be selective of the families I work for. I generally work for teachers. This has been a slow and steady transition as I find that those that work with children, have the fairest expectations of me. I dont work for super intense, first time, get-all-my-info-from-a-trendy-parenting-blog mom. They are NEVER happy, rarely ever last long and generally their children are extremely typical and ordinary. Meaning that they do not have the gifted special snowflake that they think they do.

[llpa]

I have a very small center only because I couldn't make dc work out of my home. Isn't it sad that parents think they are getting all this great "stuff" at a center?? A baby's "curriculum" should be learning to play, self soothing and exploration! Don't let a parent make you feel like you need to change anything. My own kids are now in their twenties and thirties and I have seen so many parenting trends come and go and you know what? It always comes back to the basic commonsense way of raising kids!!

[Shell]

You all have made excellent points, and I appreciate the insight you have provided. It is true that all of the books/blogs, paired with little personal experience with babies, makes for an interesting experience with a first time parent There's so much more here, you guys have given me much to think about!

Both new parents have chosen to bring their children to my daycare, and I am keeping my fingers crossed that they loosen up a bit, or it's not going to work out. I have found in the past that once the parents get back to work, and in their routine after a few months they settle down.

I have young children myself, so I keep up with the current books/blogs/nonsense, but it does all come back to the basics as Ilpa said above. Speaking with one of these moms was like reading a chapter out of one of the books, almost word for word. The organic thing is kind of a toss up- I spend tons of money on organic everything, but these parents still want to pack their own lunches- oh well, I'm still charging the same as I would to provide meals.

[KidGrind]

My youngest parent is my most honest and realistic parent. She is also one of two of the most respectful and appreciative.

I agree some parents have extreme wants & expectations, young or older. I am not a provider who facilitates extreme needs real or imaginary. So, I remain truthful and realistic with what I will & won’t do.

[Blackcat31]

Which, IME, teachers have the most realistic view of daycare and what should be/will be happening.

I wish that were true in my area.

The teacher families around her RARELY want to keep their child on no school days or vacation days, send them all summer (or do NOT understand why you won't just hold their space without pay) and hardly ever pick up before 5.

All the teacher families I've had lately come into care saying how much they love spending time with their child and pick them up the second they get done working etc etc.... only find out that their words mean nothing.

The last few experiences I had with teacher families has not been positive and as a matter of fact were the families that had the LEAST realistic expectations about what GROUP care means and how daycare in general works.

[MBF]

Because of whats going on up here in Ontario Canada with the new daycare bill, parents who choose home daycare are under huge pressure from friends, co workers and family to use extreme caution. I have experienced more "clip board" moms then usual , who have printed off sheets of questions from the internet. I had to end one meeting, as I start off by going over my policies and procedures , telling them that it will answer many of their questions then we move onto their personal concerns. This mom would not let me speak and informed me that she was interviewing me , not the other way around. I had to tell her we would not be a good fit, my fault as she was "too busy" for the in depth phone interview that I usually do first. we made the appointment but I usually am able to screen the parents on the phone first. I have two moms that are almost harassed daily by co workers who have their children in formal daycare settings with webcams.

[llpa]

You all have made excellent points, and I appreciate the insight you have provided. It is true that all of the books/blogs, paired with little personal experience with babies, makes for an interesting experience with a first time parent There's so much more here, you guys have given me much to think about!

Both new parents have chosen to bring their children to my daycare, and I am keeping my fingers crossed that they loosen up a bit, or it's not going to work out. I have found in the past that once the parents get back to work, and in their routine after a few months they settle down.

I have young children myself, so I keep up with the current books/blogs/nonsense, but it does all come back to the basics as Ilpa said above. Speaking with one of these moms was like reading a chapter out of one of the books, almost word for word. The organic thing is kind of a toss up- I spend tons of money on organic everything, but these parents still want to pack their own lunches- oh well, I'm still charging the same as I would to provide meals.

Well, congrats on two new dcks!!

[spinnymarie]

I wish that were true in my area.

The teacher families around her RARELY want to keep their child on no school days or vacation days, send them all summer (or do NOT understand why you won't just hold their space without pay) and hardly ever pick up before 5.

All the teacher families I've had lately come into care saying how much they love spending time with their child and pick them up the second they get done working etc etc.... only find out that their words mean nothing.

The last few experiences I had with teacher families has not been positive and as a matter of fact were the families that had the LEAST realistic expectations about what GROUP care means and how daycare in general works.

I'm sorry to hear that
I was thinking more along the lines of teachers having the most realistic view of the actual care -- they are less concerned with minor bumps, kids fighting with one another, etc. As PP said, they HAVE been around small children (at least, the elementary teachers have - so far we have 1st grade, K, and Pre-K teachers signed up) It's possible that I've been lucky so far, though.

We're doing teachers-only, so they won't be paying for the holidays and vacation, and we won't be working those days either. On the other hand, they are also paying a well-above average daily rate that partially makes up for it

[nannyde]

My theory is that SOOOO many young parents these days have no experience with children, at all. Never held a baby until they had a baby of their own. Its a generational thing where there are more and more people growing up in small families or as a singleton combined with the loss of community, where they are not around other kids and families and babysitting as teens and that sort of thing that would be very common in generations past. As adults, they are surrounded by peer age groups who also know nothing so they resort to books, blogs, and parenting magazines for info. That is how you get the scripted questions, unfair expectations for care and for their own child's milestones. Combine that with the selfish nature and materialistic nature and these parents also want long hours, cheap rates, nanny care, academics/sports/baby yoga/etc plus any other trendy thing like organic homemade baby food that they see pop up on the blogs and in other people's opinions. Total it all up and it makes a super intense mom. They want to feel like they are giving their child everything by paying someone else to do all the work.

All that to say, you are not experiencing anything that the rest of us don't experience. I refuse to work with these type of moms but I am fortunate that I don't have to take more than four or five so I can be selective of the families I work for. I generally work for teachers. This has been a slow and steady transition as I find that those that work with children, have the fairest expectations of me. I dont work for super intense, first time, get-all-my-info-from-a-trendy-parenting-blog mom. They are NEVER happy, rarely ever last long and generally their children are extremely typical and ordinary. Meaning that they do not have the gifted special snowflake that they think they do.

I lovethis cheer.

Can you switch that to "gifted special POOKIE snowflake?"

[nannyde]

You know what I can't figure out? This has been weighing heavily on my few brain cells left.

How do you make money off of this?

I'm trying to figure out the way to make money but not end up actually doing the "my child is a gifted special pookie snowflake" care.

I'm loosing sleep over this one.... my tired.

Who put California in the key words? Cat? Black or Hearder????? Fess up

[MotherNature]

Yes! I don't have lots of recent experience professionally watching kids, but I have adult kids and a 3 yr old and am pregnant. Trends have definitely changed in the last 20 yrs, and it seems so many parents are afraid to say no to their kids or buy way too much crap and start them being materialistic at a young age. I have a parent who is leaving in a few weeks who has just gotten worse, maybe it's her pregnancy hormones and mine together, but she's just gotten...ugh..lately. At interview, they used the phrase 'every bite she takes is important. They want all her food to mean something.' They also didn't ever want me to say no..just politely redirect her. And when I told them tv was on rarely here, maybe a couple times a week for a couple hrs one week, and none for several weeks after, they said, 'well we prefer no tv, but we know that's not realistic, so every once in a while is fine.' Every time I have had the tv on at pick up, which is a handful over the last year, they've complained about it, including the day after I went to the ER because I thought I was miscarrying and bleeding & was put on rest for the week. They've just become demanding.

[blandino]

I wish that were true in my area.

The teacher families around her RARELY want to keep their child on no school days or vacation days, send them all summer (or do NOT understand why you won't just hold their space without pay) and hardly ever pick up before 5.

All the teacher families I've had lately come into care saying how much they love spending time with their child and pick them up the second they get done working etc etc.... only find out that their words mean nothing.

The last few experiences I had with teacher families has not been positive and as a matter of fact were the families that had the LEAST realistic expectations about what GROUP care means and how daycare in general works.

This is my general experience with parents who are teachers. Very few come right after work, and even less keep them home when school is closed.

I have a DCG whose mom is a teacher, and she is my first arrival and last pickup. She does stay home when school is out though.