4-Year-Old Refuses to Potty Train

[mamap]

Hi All,

I'm in need of advice again!

I have a 4YO DCB that refuses to use the potty. He attends full day Monday then half days the rest of the week. He leaves here after lunch and goes to preschool. Prior to being here he was with his grandmother or father. Grandmother used the television to babysit him and dad played video games with him.

It is a rare day here that he will either keep underpants or his pull-up dry OR he refuses to go potty at all. He will HOLD IT ALL DAY!!! I've talked to him and his mom about it but nothing seems to change. He supposedly goes potty at his preschool, but I suspect they aren't being upfront with mom. If I leave him in his pull up that he usually arrives in and ask him if he needs to go potty rather than walk him to the toilet he will use it as a diaper every time. If I ask him if he's wet, dry or dirty his response will always be: "I think I'm dry".

They're all nice enough people, I just don't know what to do-a big part of me wants to tell the parents to just deal with it, but I feel like I'm not doing my job if I just let him use his pull up as a diaper.

There are a whole bunch of issues with this little guy-he refuses to eat anything healthy, there's some definite hygiene concerns, and I worry about whether or not he'll be ready for kindergarten at 6-as I understand it his parents have decided to keep him back a year because he hasn't received much formal preschool but he's a smart little guy!

Do any of you have tips or suggestions on how to encourage him to use the potty appropriately?

Thanks so much!

[Blackcat31]

Hi All,

I'm in need of advice again!

I have a 4YO DCB that refuses to use the potty. He attends full day Monday then half days the rest of the week. He leaves here after lunch and goes to preschool. Prior to being here he was with his grandmother or father. Grandmother used the television to babysit him and dad played video games with him.

It is a rare day here that he will either keep underpants or his pull-up dry OR he refuses to go potty at all. He will HOLD IT ALL DAY!!! I've talked to him and his mom about it but nothing seems to change. He supposedly goes potty at his preschool, but I suspect they aren't being upfront with mom. If I leave him in his pull up that he usually arrives in and ask him if he needs to go potty rather than walk him to the toilet he will use it as a diaper every time. If I ask him if he's wet, dry or dirty his response will always be: "I think I'm dry".

They're all nice enough people, I just don't know what to do-a big part of me wants to tell the parents to just deal with it, but I feel like I'm not doing my job if I just let him use his pull up as a diaper.
There are a whole bunch of issues with this little guy-he refuses to eat anything healthy, there's some definite hygiene concerns, and I worry about whether or not he'll be ready for kindergarten at 6-as I understand it his parents have decided to keep him back a year because he hasn't received much formal preschool but he's a smart little guy!

Do any of you have tips or suggestions on how to encourage him to use the potty appropriately?

Thanks so much!

Psst....it isn't YOUR job to have to do.


Why are YOU being the only active participant in this process?

Potty training is a parental responsibility. I (as a provider) will ASSIST and support but I will NOT initiate, complete or do all the work.

You need to put this back on the parents.

[spinnymarie]

I agree that this is not your problem - if they aren't doing anything about it, then what could you possibly do? It can't be helping that he spends time at so many different places with different policies. ... I can't believe the preschool took him if he wasn't potty trained, most here you HAVE to be potty-trained to attend. I'd be telling parents that this isn't working out. No way I'm changing a 4-yr-old that isn't even attempting to use the toilet. He either needs to make some serious strides and attend with me all day every day, or go elsewhere.

[Play Care]

I agree with Black Cat.

That said, I have a policy where I will not accept children into care over the age of 3 who are NOT potty trained. An existing child in my care MUST be potty trained by 3.5. I will not force potty training and the parents don't have to potty train if they don't want to - BUT they can't stay here. I had a couple of moments that led to this policy.

[Childminder]

Why should he go in the toilet? He's still in a diaper, or pull-up and they can't tell if they are wet. I make the parents supply cloth unders and plastic pants or put a pull-up over the unders. If they don't comply then I don't even make an effort to train. I can't believe the preschool accepted him into care if he's not trained.

[mamap]

Oh my gosh, thanks for your support and advice, ladies! I've decided to give this family two weeks to potty train and go full-time to eliminate the confusion. Otherwise it's withdraw-ville!

Thanks so much for adding a little oompf to my backbone! I needed it!