Lots of Whining/Screaming. Need Advice!

[preschoolteacher]

I have a 22 month old who screams/bursts into tears whenever she doesn't get what she wants immediately. It could be another child who has the toy she wants, or I'm not moving fast enough to bring her something (a towel, another drink, etc.), or something is not working (puzzle, etc.).

She's always had this personality but it's gotten even stronger now that she's almost 2.

The other kids are starting to imitate her. Kids who never threw fits before!

I explain "I will get you another drink as soon as XYZ," and then actively ignore. We also have a quiet corner with pillows and books that kids go to when they are having tantrums--we talk about calming your body and taking deep breaths.

Any other ideas? I have to admit it's getting old.

[Kabob]

I'm interested in this as I have a similar child only they are old enough to say "but I don't wanna wait! I want it NOW!" Today they had a meltdown over not getting to pick up a book before his brother so....yeah...

[Mom of 4]

I have a 22 month old who screams/bursts into tears whenever she doesn't get what she wants immediately. It could be another child who has the toy she wants, or I'm not moving fast enough to bring her something (a towel, another drink, etc.), or something is not working (puzzle, etc.).

She's always had this personality but it's gotten even stronger now that she's almost 2.

The other kids are starting to imitate her. Kids who never threw fits before!

I explain "I will get you another drink as soon as XYZ," and then actively ignore. We also have a quiet corner with pillows and books that kids go to when they are having tantrums--we talk about calming your body and taking deep breaths.

Any other ideas? I have to admit it's getting old.

That is my exact daughter. It does not get any better, . My daughter is very difficult to handle sometimes. I notice when I am FIRM and yet talk it out with her, it works. But it's not something that probably can be done in a daycare setting because those talks can be several MINUTES before she gets it. . It may be that she's not going to fit in your group anymore. I had to take all the behaviorally challenged kids because I understood what it was like, and could not have any meek/mild kids. I had to term a VERY well-behaved 4yo because he did not fit in the group and I could see it was making him sad. That was the hardest term I ever did, because the parents paid on time, were perfect, and so was the kids. Try telling a parent "Your kid is too well behaved for my rowdy group" (maybe not like that, ), but it did not go that bad. In your case, it's the opposite problem. :HUGS:

What I do with my daughter.
1. I do tell her to stop screaming or whining or whatever it is
2. If she doesn't, I have to isolate.
3. (I no longer have a daycare license, as I gave it up this last year) I make sure my other children are not in her space
4. I sit and have a chat and try to figure out the REAL reason she's acting up
5. I tell her that she's done the wrong thing and is on "punishment" and must stay in her room until she can SINCERELY apologize to us all for her behavior
6. I close the door and wait.
7. I accept her apology and we move about our day
8. If it is a HORRIBLE infraction (biting, kicking or hurting/throwing/etc), I only do 1-6 and she gets a spanking. But remember, I say this as a mom and not a DC Provider anymore.

With my daycare kids, I'd go through 1-6 and if it was really bad, I had to physically restrain. That consisted of me holding the DCK (Mostly ONE boy during a horrible transition after him getting kicked out of SIX daycares!), facing out, and bear-hugging and placing my legs over theirs in a criss-cross so they could not kick out. You have to hold tight, but be careful you don't go overboard. I rock the kid and tell them to stop crying and to think of something else. This one particular dcb that got kicked out, I had to tell him I would NOT kick him out, he was stuck with me, and after a particularly BAD episode where I rocked him back and forth, I said "I love you (his name)" "I will not kick you out, I promise". And that was the LAST fit he ever had. He was my BEST kid after that. All he wanted was someone to trust, and I guess that was what he needed. He shared (and didn't steal), he helped me make the table for the smaller kids, etc. And he was FOUR! At 2, it'll be easier. Just show her you're her security blanket, but you're no ****er....ya know?

[llpa]

I have a 22 month old who screams/bursts into tears whenever she doesn't get what she wants immediately. It could be another child who has the toy she wants, or I'm not moving fast enough to bring her something (a towel, another drink, etc.), or something is not working (puzzle, etc.).

She's always had this personality but it's gotten even stronger now that she's almost 2.

The other kids are starting to imitate her. Kids who never threw fits before!

I explain "I will get you another drink as soon as XYZ," and then actively ignore. We also have a quiet corner with pillows and books that kids go to when they are having tantrums--we talk about calming your body and taking deep breaths.

Any other ideas? I have to admit it's getting old.

I have a 27 month old dcb w a very demanding personality and had a hard time waiting for anything at first. I told him that every time he cried because he needed something " right now" , he had to go to the crying rug until he was under control. Then when he was quiet and I had completed my task at hand, I would help him. I gave him absolutely no attention or any of my energy when he whined or cried. He does fine now and the crying rug works great for the others as well. I just forced myself to be consistent, explained each time that He wouldn't get any attn until he could stop whining/ crying and then I just ignored him ( where I could see him if course) . He now cries only when he needs true attention, hurt etc.

[Heidi]

Ok...so I have a child a little older that recently regressed back to this behavior. He walked in the door Monday, and had a cow about something immediately. Went in the playroom and started throwing toys (and looking at me to make sure I saw).

I just calmly took his hand, set him on the step, and said "when you are ready to be gentle, you can get up...you decide", almost in a whisper. Then, I walked away. Miracle of miracles, he sat for 2 minutes tops, then got up and was just fine the rest of the day.

I think sometimes we make too much of a production out of words, and feelings, and soft corners with stuffed animals. While I do think that's appropriate sometimes, I think it sometimes feeds the fits, kwim? It's giving the message that their anger/sadness/frustration is sooooo important.

We can't give "time outs" to children under 3 in our state. To me, a time-out in that sense is a timed event where the adult says "you may get up". In my little man's case, HE decides when he's ready to behave appropriately. So, I think I'm ok regulation wise. I also don't use the word time out, ever...

With a child that age, I would simply, gently, lead her to the crying spot. It would not be a soft, cuddly place. It'd just be a place. Boring, just out of traffic, and safe. You scream, you sit until you're done. Said matter-of-factly.

I have a problem with screamers waiting for food. At this point, they're already in there chairs, and they want it NOW. I am really, really working on completely ignoring it. I don't acknowledge their feelings, etc. That just seems to backfire. If I say "yes, I see you're hungry, because you are yelling", am I now not saying the way to communicate hungry is by yelling and screaming? I do say it ONE time. "I'm working on it, we are all hungry", then, I ignore. In a week since I started that, the chaos has diminished a lot already. I hope it's working.

Then, I whisper and shhhh (some of the toddlers are joining in on that now), before anyone gets food. I'll whisper "oh, I see H* is being quiet, thank you. Here is your plate". Quiet=Food :: Maybe a bit like Pavlov's dogs?

*NO! I did NOT say children are dogs*

[mountainside13]

I have a 22 month old who screams/bursts into tears whenever she doesn't get what she wants immediately. It could be another child who has the toy she wants, or I'm not moving fast enough to bring her something (a towel, another drink, etc.), or something is not working (puzzle, etc.).

She's always had this personality but it's gotten even stronger now that she's almost 2.

The other kids are starting to imitate her. Kids who never threw fits before!

I explain "I will get you another drink as soon as XYZ," and then actively ignore. We also have a quiet corner with pillows and books that kids go to when they are having tantrums--we talk about calming your body and taking deep breaths.

Any other ideas? I have to admit it's getting old.

This sounds like my son!!!

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Ok...so I have a child a little older that recently regressed back to this behavior. He walked in the door Monday, and had a cow about something immediately. Went in the playroom and started throwing toys (and looking at me to make sure I saw).

I just calmly took his hand, set him on the step, and said "when you are ready to be gentle, you can get up...you decide", almost in a whisper. Then, I walked away. Miracle of miracles, he sat for 2 minutes tops, then got up and was just fine the rest of the day.

I think sometimes we make too much of a production out of words, and feelings, and soft corners with stuffed animals. While I do think that's appropriate sometimes, I think it sometimes feeds the fits, kwim? It's giving the message that their anger/sadness/frustration is sooooo important.

We can't give "time outs" to children under 3 in our state. To me, a time-out in that sense is a timed event where the adult says "you may get up". In my little man's case, HE decides when he's ready to behave appropriately. So, I think I'm ok regulation wise. I also don't use the word time out, ever...

With a child that age, I would simply, gently, lead her to the crying spot. It would not be a soft, cuddly place. It'd just be a place. Boring, just out of traffic, and safe. You scream, you sit until you're done. Said matter-of-factly.

I have a problem with screamers waiting for food. At this point, they're already in there chairs, and they want it NOW. I am really, really working on completely ignoring it. I don't acknowledge their feelings, etc. That just seems to backfire. If I say "yes, I see you're hungry, because you are yelling", am I now not saying the way to communicate hungry is by yelling and screaming? I do say it ONE time. "I'm working on it, we are all hungry", then, I ignore. In a week since I started that, the chaos has diminished a lot already. I hope it's working.

Then, I whisper and shhhh (some of the toddlers are joining in on that now), before anyone gets food. I'll whisper "oh, I see H* is being quiet, thank you. Here is your plate". Quiet=Food :: Maybe a bit like Pavlov's dogs?

*NO! I did NOT say children are dogs*

Spot on!

[WImom]

Ok...so I have a child a little older that recently regressed back to this behavior. He walked in the door Monday, and had a cow about something immediately. Went in the playroom and started throwing toys (and looking at me to make sure I saw).

I just calmly took his hand, set him on the step, and said "when you are ready to be gentle, you can get up...you decide", almost in a whisper. Then, I walked away. Miracle of miracles, he sat for 2 minutes tops, then got up and was just fine the rest of the day.

I think sometimes we make too much of a production out of words, and feelings, and soft corners with stuffed animals. While I do think that's appropriate sometimes, I think it sometimes feeds the fits, kwim? It's giving the message that their anger/sadness/frustration is sooooo important.

We can't give "time outs" to children under 3 in our state. To me, a time-out in that sense is a timed event where the adult says "you may get up". In my little man's case, HE decides when he's ready to behave appropriately. So, I think I'm ok regulation wise. I also don't use the word time out, ever...

With a child that age, I would simply, gently, lead her to the crying spot. It would not be a soft, cuddly place. It'd just be a place. Boring, just out of traffic, and safe. You scream, you sit until you're done. Said matter-of-factly.

I have a problem with screamers waiting for food. At this point, they're already in there chairs, and they want it NOW. I am really, really working on completely ignoring it. I don't acknowledge their feelings, etc. That just seems to backfire. If I say "yes, I see you're hungry, because you are yelling", am I now not saying the way to communicate hungry is by yelling and screaming? I do say it ONE time. "I'm working on it, we are all hungry", then, I ignore. In a week since I started that, the chaos has diminished a lot already. I hope it's working.

Then, I whisper and shhhh (some of the toddlers are joining in on that now), before anyone gets food. I'll whisper "oh, I see H* is being quiet, thank you. Here is your plate". Quiet=Food :: Maybe a bit like Pavlov's dogs?

*NO! I did NOT say children are dogs*

I agree about not making it a cozy space and I do the same as above. I have a 3.5y old DCG that screams and throws herself on the floor when it's clean up time (even though I give reminders to everyone and then go up to her to remind her), when someone has something she wants - she will ask for a turn and then if they say when they are done she screams. She does it other times too. I don't say anything - just pick her up and set her on the step. For all the other times but clean up I just wait until she seems calm and invite her back in, remind her screaming hurts our ears, etc. For clean up time I keep her a pile and then when everyone else is done and we've moved on to another activity she can come off the step and clean on her own. Since doing that she hardly screams for clean up anymore.

[spud912]

Ok...so I have a child a little older that recently regressed back to this behavior. He walked in the door Monday, and had a cow about something immediately. Went in the playroom and started throwing toys (and looking at me to make sure I saw).

I just calmly took his hand, set him on the step, and said "when you are ready to be gentle, you can get up...you decide", almost in a whisper. Then, I walked away. Miracle of miracles, he sat for 2 minutes tops, then got up and was just fine the rest of the day.

I think sometimes we make too much of a production out of words, and feelings, and soft corners with stuffed animals. While I do think that's appropriate sometimes, I think it sometimes feeds the fits, kwim? It's giving the message that their anger/sadness/frustration is sooooo important.

We can't give "time outs" to children under 3 in our state. To me, a time-out in that sense is a timed event where the adult says "you may get up". In my little man's case, HE decides when he's ready to behave appropriately. So, I think I'm ok regulation wise. I also don't use the word time out, ever...

With a child that age, I would simply, gently, lead her to the crying spot. It would not be a soft, cuddly place. It'd just be a place. Boring, just out of traffic, and safe. You scream, you sit until you're done. Said matter-of-factly.

I have a problem with screamers waiting for food. At this point, they're already in there chairs, and they want it NOW. I am really, really working on completely ignoring it. I don't acknowledge their feelings, etc. That just seems to backfire. If I say "yes, I see you're hungry, because you are yelling", am I now not saying the way to communicate hungry is by yelling and screaming? I do say it ONE time. "I'm working on it, we are all hungry", then, I ignore. In a week since I started that, the chaos has diminished a lot already. I hope it's working.

Then, I whisper and shhhh (some of the toddlers are joining in on that now), before anyone gets food. I'll whisper "oh, I see H* is being quiet, thank you. Here is your plate". Quiet=Food :: Maybe a bit like Pavlov's dogs?

*NO! I did NOT say children are dogs*

This is what I do for my younger dd. I admit that she got bad with patience because I fed into the chaos. Now I ignore and/or separate her (calmly) from the group until she is normal again. Since it is my dd (and because she has such an awful ear-piercing scream), her "place" to cool off is her room. She always comes out calm and ready to start over.

When we are out and about, I will take her outside and sit her down on a bench or to the car until she settles down. The key is to not let her screaming get to me and to try to stay calm myself.