Stressed Over BITING

[godiva83]

Okay, so I know biting happens with kids especially toddlers
BUT my son bit one of my daycare boys today so so badly (broken skin)
He wasn't provoked, we were all building a tower he leaned over and chomp I panicked and pulled him off causing a worse bite.

Now, this Mom is rather uptight and doesn't understand kids all too much. My gf said expect the worst ( pulling child ) because
She is just that over protective.
Any ideas on how to approach. Text to warn, send picture, phone call
Can I make the bite look less drastic anyway

Help please

[godiva83]

Can't figure how to attach picture

[TwinKristi]

Be honest, explain what happened and that you will be taking steps (shadowing, removal group activities, never left unattended, etc) to prevent it from happening again. My son was a biter and thankfully I had very understanding parents, he was quite young and had to learn it wasn't okay. He has bit once in the last 6 mos and it's been the same boy 99% of the time. How old is your son?
There's fliers online that talk about biting in the daycare setting. How old is he?

[godiva83]

Thanks, he is 20 months. I texted the DCM explaining the situation and wrote out a detailed accident report

DCM was not happy with me at all, and very blaming.
"How could you let this happen?"
" you must not have been supervising"

I was sitting playing blocks right with them - it was completely
Out of the blue and norm for this to happen. I feel awful
I hate when 'accidents' happen on my watch
Now I feel even worse.

If she is the upset I can just imagine at pick up
She hasn't even seen how bad the bite actually is

[llpa]

Awww, I'm sorry it happened. Just calmly answer her questions " of course I was supervising" etc. Of course it's normal to feel bad, but try not to let the guilt get to you. She will never find a place anywhere that can protect her child from bumps bruises and yes, bites 100% of the time.:hug::hug:

[melilley]

Please don't feel bad about this. Biting happens sometimes with this age group. If dcm can't understand that, then maybe dck isn't meant for group care. You were sitting right there, sometimes things happen, we can't prevent every little thing from happening. I would like to see these parents who say these things watch multiple kids and catch every little thing. She has to understand that you are a fcc and it's only you. You have to get things done, it's group care. It's not like you tried to hide it or anything. I hope she doesn't give you any grief over it, it's not like it happened multiple time.

My ds bit a child the other day. They were playing and he just did it. I'll admit, I was making lunch or something and didn't see it happen, but things happen. My dcm was understanding, but if she hadn't been, I think I would have had to have her decide if group care was for her.

I did have one dck who used to bite, luckily parents were understanding. I did have to put him on a plan of action, so I had him with me everywhere I went for a while. He eventually grew out of it. Obviously if it's a chronic problem that's a different story, but every once in a while is normal.

My licensing office gives out literature about biting and daycare. It's great to have some kind of back up when you have to explain that biting (if not constantly) is developmentally normal for a toddler.

Sorry so long!

[godiva83]

Thanks everyone!

I am always so hard on my self. I love the idea of printing out
A pamphlet on biting! Great idea.

And you are absolutely right, if she isn't understanding a wee bit
Perhaps she should move on. If she can't see all the good I do and simply
Focuses on yes this one very negative I can't help her

It's just a nasty bite, thankfully I was there my husband said imagine I wasn't
He said easily a chunk of flesh would be gone

[TaylorTots]

I do NOT tell my parents which child bit their child. I tell them how it is being handled and then leave it up to them what they choose to do in terms of care. I would say something like this since you already told her it was your child:

"Biting is common during this age. As a group care setting child provider, I supervise all children and treat my child in this incident no differently than I would if it were any other child that bit. If a child bites another child, I continue to shadow them closely during play with others and will have them play separately if the biting continues. Those actions will be taken with my child, since he was the biter this time. Here is my guidelines on how I handle biting situations *hand DCM your biting policy* and here is my withdrawl form if you feel that group care is not the best option for your son. I understand that some families need one on one care, which is the ONLY way to guarantee that your child will not receive injury from other children. *Hand form to parent* Please let me know if you have any questions about my biting policy or how I handle all biting incidents."

[MissAnn]

Why do they always bite "that kid" of "that mom"????

[godiva83]

Thanks everyone

RIGHT! Why oh why does it have to be 'that' kid

[Scribbles]

I would also address the comment DCM made about not supervising.

If it's not addressed, Mom may report you.

I love the idea about sending resources and info about biting. Hopefully DCM understands once she is educated.

[godiva83]

Address with her about her comment? Or with someone else.

I have documented everything and taken photos. I know it's hard to believe biting can happen so fast ... And never should have pulled him off as instinctually bite/clamp down making it so much worse

[Scribbles]

Address with her about her comment? Or with someone else.

I have documented everything and taken photos. I know it's hard to believe biting can happen so fast ... And never should have pulled him off as instinctually bite/clamp down making it so much worse

I'm sorry... I meant discuss the comment with the mom because she basically accused you of not supervising her child.

Those kinds of comments always start off so minuscule and then have away of coming back to bite you. No pun intended

I would just really want to make sure the mom does really believe you aren't supervising well. Kwim?

[godiva83]

Thank you scribbles will do

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Awww, I'm sorry it happened. Just calmly answer her questions " of course I was supervising" etc. Of course it's normal to feel bad, but try not to let the guilt get to you. She will never find a place anywhere that can protect her child from bumps bruises and yes, bites 100% of the time.:hug::hug:

Exactly. 7 years ago I worked in a toddler room at a center with your son's age. This one child would pull hair and other kids would bite. ALWAYS. Unless we had placed that child in a bubble there was no way to prevent it 100%. She had him transferred out of our room to the 2's and guess what? Bit there, too. She stormed at me saying her friend's kids are NEVER biten (mind you, I was not even in her child's new room). I told her it looks like she is searching for a nanny who can exclusively follow her child around ensuring he won't get harmed at all because the center does the best that they can with many children without confining hers to a high chair all day away from others. I cried after.

Some parents are just like that. I had a client here that I made a bruise log for because they wanted it documented (so I said it must be done at home, too).