Woe is Me

[Maggie]

I had a dcm come in yesterday crying because she applied for income based housing and was told she makes too much money too qualify. She was saying how hard she has worked to take care of her kids and no one wants to help her. She has been with me for 7 years. For 6 of those years she has gotten food stamps, daycare assistance, free health care, free breakfast and lunch for her kids at school, thousands of dollars every year in earned income credit, and has lived all these years with family rent free. She still gets free health care, free lunch for the kids and earned income credit every year. I listened and told her I'm sorry you had a bad day but honestly I have no sympathy for her. Have I turned into a cold hearted person? Does anyone else feel this way? I am all for assistance for people who need it but come on help yourself a little.

[KidGrind]

I had a dcm come in yesterday crying because she applied for income based housing and was told she makes too much money too qualify. She was saying how hard she has worked to take care of her kids and no one wants to help her. She has been with me for 7 years. For 6 of those years she has gotten food stamps, daycare assistance, free health care, free breakfast and lunch for her kids at school, thousands of dollars every year in earned income credit, and has lived all these years with family rent free. She still gets free health care, free lunch for the kids and earned income credit every year. I listened and told her I'm sorry you had a bad day but honestly I have no sympathy for her. Have I turned into a cold hearted person? Does anyone else feel this way? I am all for assistance for people who need it but come on help yourself a little.

It depends on the individual. I’ve met many people who need help but are too proud. I’ve met many people who are stuck in vortex of poverty, need help, get it and are thankful. I’ve met scammers and ingrates too!

I am not type you should’ve. But I would’ve said,”I am sorry you are having a bad day. Even so, you’ve mentioned receiving various help. Your not getting the help you want doesn’t erase all of the help you and your children have received over the years. You have been very blessed!"

[melilley]

I agree, if you need it, then I'm all for it, but at the same time, if you're not helping yourself, why should we help you?

I needed assistance at a point in my life because ds's dad is an alcoholic and lost job after job, but I was working full time and doing what I could. I was so embarrassed, but I needed it at the time. (I eventually got smart and left)

I've seen/known people who need help, but have everything expensive you can buy and no job or barely working and feel they are entitled to everything under the sun and then I've seen people who need it and work their a**es off.

They are trying to pass a law where welfare recipients have to do some community service in order to receive benefits, but who knows if that will happen.

You are not a cold hearted person. I feel the same way as you.

[countrymom]

no your not cold hearted. I'm all for helping people, but when does it stop. When do people stop asking for hand outs. She should be proud that she is making more and finally getting off of goverment assistance.

[llpa]

I feel like as a govt we have created the need people have to hang onto assistance. I agree w PP who said she should feel blessed! Take help when you need it and then help yourself and pay it forward to another. Too many people feel entitled to their "benefits" !

[melilley]

Dh used to work at a retail store as a manager. He said he can't count how many times a person would call the manager up front wondering why they had to pay $20 out of their $200+ grocery bill while their cart is full of junk, and when he explains that prepared deli food and pop deposits aren't covered, they angrily say ok (or other choice words) and pull out a wad of cash and throw the $20 down.

[Cat Herder]

I was thinking about this a couple days ago.. Is it possible that all this aide allows people to become used to a lifestyle they cannot afford or need themselves so that when they ARE able to go it alone they feel like they are "poor"? They lose the ability to see the difference in a want and a need, a luxury and a necessity?

I don't consider myself poor by any means but I have always been labled "lower middle". I was over 30 before I added the luxury of cable TV, cell phone and a personal computer to my life. I chose having kids young so those things held little value to me. Good food, books, awesome toys, and a big yard were my goals back then.

Planning ahead and saving for luxuries is all I have known and I am grateful to not have the stress involved with NEEDING an upper class lifestyle. It looks exhausting to me keeping up with the Jones's. I watch some of my friends live that way and they all say things like "you are so lucky" (referring to my family). :confused: It was not luck, it was a choice.

If you have enough food, shelter, medicine, access to education and healthy kids (if you so chose) then, IMHO, you are NOT poor. Take the education, work longer hours, postpone having kids.... whatever it takes. OK, now I m rambling....

But can you see my thought pattern here at least?

[Maggie]

I've made several suggestions to her throughout the years on how to save money. Clip coupons, nope don't have time. Shop at Aldi they've got great prices, ugh I'm not eating their food. Have the kids bring snacks and drinks from home while you're out instead of frequent trips to the convenience store, they keep forgetting. Instead of the brand name $7 a pack cigarettes you smoke maybe you should buy a cheaper brand or QUIT, I don't smoke that much. Maybe you could change your cell phone plan to something cheaper, nope I really need unlimited everything. If I thought that way I probably wouldn't have a place to live either.

[Cat Herder]

Maggie, I'd almost bet your particular DCM was a no-cry baby herself. If family has always coddled her she will expect society to continue the same.

I am glad they turned her down, it will be a good first lesson in NO and may save her own children from having to support her later.

Give her as many doses on NO as you possibly can, consider it a public service.

[Blackcat31]

I was thinking about this a couple days ago.. Is it possible that all this aide allows people to become used to a lifestyle they cannot afford or need themselves so that when they ARE able to go it alone they feel like they are "poor"? They lose the ability to see the difference in a want and a need, a luxury and a necessity?

I don't consider myself poor by any means but I have always been labled "lower middle". I was over 30 before I added the luxury of cable TV, cell phone and a personal computer to my life. I chose having kids young so those things held little value to me. Good food, books, awesome toys, and a big yard were my goals back then.

Planning ahead and saving for luxuries is all I have known and I am grateful to not have the stress involved with NEEDING an upper class lifestyle. It looks exhausting to me keeping up with the Jones's. I watch some of my friends live that way and they all say things like "you are so lucky" (referring to my family). :confused: It was not luck, it was a choice.

If you have enough food, shelter, medicine, access to education and healthy kids (if you so chose) then, IMHO, you are NOT poor. Take the education, work longer hours, postpone having kids.... whatever it takes. OK, now I m rambling....

But can you see my thought pattern here at least?

I think you are definitely thinking in the right direction.

This topic was discussed in depth in one of my sociology classes.

Those families that spend generations dependent on government aide truly know NO other way to live.

It is a form of conditioning.

What was suppose to be a temporary means of survival offered no tools for learning anything different or alternate methods so they simply became accustomed to living by assistance.

I believe the key to "fixing" our welfare system is to provide tools to help themselves.

I believe families need to be educated about options, alternate methods of supporting one's self and goals to work towards. Right now, there is NO incentive to wean themselves from the cycle of dependence.

Education is always the first step

[mountainside13]

To be totally honest! People like that really frustrate me !!!! My husbands half sister is like that. I have only met her twice, my husband has only seen her maybe 10 times. She keeps having children, admits that she will get more assistance for each child.

For those who need it to get back on their feet it is wonderful! I only have a problem with those taking advantage of the system.

[sharlan]

Sadly we are living in a society of ENTITLED people.

[Unregistered]

They are trying to pass a law where welfare recipients have to do some community service in order to receive benefits, but who knows if that will happen.


Awesome !!!!!!

[Wubby]

Oh my, I have a now ex-dcp that her kids were in care for 7 yrs. The entire time she has been on daycare assistance. Well she just got a promotion, with a raise. She lost food stamps and assistance. I tried to help her out by dropping her payment by $100 (mainly so her 9 yr old isn't home alone for 3 hrs). Nope, she still can't afford it. I gave ideas on how to save and cut corners. Her response " I can't lower my cell, I need internet. I can't shut off my directv, I could never live without my NFL."
Yep, it is all about me, me, me. Your cell, tv, 2013 new car are all more important, you can't find a way to make sure your child is safe, but you want me to feel sorry for you. I don't have a smart phone, drive a 2007, and cut any and all coupons. Oh yeah, and get no assistance at all.

[Oss_cc]

Oh my, I have a now ex-dcp that her kids were in care for 7 yrs. The entire time she has been on daycare assistance. Well she just got a promotion, with a raise. She lost food stamps and assistance. I tried to help her out by dropping her payment by $100 (mainly so her 9 yr old isn't home alone for 3 hrs). Nope, she still can't afford it. I gave ideas on how to save and cut corners. Her response " I can't lower my cell, I need internet. I can't shut off my directv, I could never live without my NFL."
Yep, it is all about me, me, me. Your cell, tv, 2013 new car are all more important, you can't find a way to make sure your child is safe, but you want me to feel sorry for you. I don't have a smart phone, drive a 2007, and cut any and all coupons. Oh yeah, and get no assistance at all.

I agree about the extras, but there is a huge gap for a person/family when they get a raise and then lose out on assistance. So a nominal raise can disqualify them from assistance so that their total income takes a huge drop due to a raise. I think it's called the Welfare Cliff.

I don't think assistance should help families forever, but there should something in place to encourage rather than discourage people to get off of it.

For my family, even with two kids, we made JUST over (by like 1-2k) the EIC limit the past couple years. So essentially, DH getting a raise resulted in a much lower tax refund and in the end we actually made less.