DCM Possible Miscarriage. What Can I Do?

[ihop]

Dcm is 2.5 months pregnant. Her and her husband have spent much of their marriage separated, they are early twenties. They are getting ready to separate for a little while again and unenroll dcg. He is not really "there" for her from what I see.
Dcm texts me this morning to ask if she can bring her early and that she needs to go to urgent care. I say yes and when she gets there she tells me she thinks she lost the baby and her and husband are heading to the hospital to confirm.

I feel really bad for them. I told her to let me know if they needed to keep her here longer tonight and that I would keep her if they needed.

Is there anything else I can do if she did indeed lose the baby? You guys are always over flowing with good ideas.

Thanks

[Msdunny]

Dcm is 2.5 months pregnant. Her and her husband have spent much of their marriage separated, they are early twenties. They are getting ready to separate for a little while again and unenroll dcg. He is not really "there" for her from what I see.
Dcm texts me this morning to ask if she can bring her early and that she needs to go to urgent care. I say yes and when she gets there she tells me she thinks she lost the baby and her and husband are heading to the hospital to confirm.

I feel really bad for them. I told her to let me know if they needed to keep her here longer tonight and that I would keep her if they needed.

Is there anything else I can do if she did indeed lose the baby? You guys are always over flowing with good ideas.

Thanks

This breaks my heart for this mom, and I am so thankful they have someone like you. Could you possibly provide a meal for them? Just so they don't have to think about that, too. Even if it is just having a pizza delivered. Gosh, poor thing.

[TaylorTots]

Just happened to one of my DCM. I offered her free babysitting on a Friday night for her and her hubby to just spend time together/date/sleep - whatever she needs. It isn't much but it's a gesture to show that I care and am thinking about them lovethis

[melilley]

I had a miscarriage at 13 weeks and I really feel for your dcm.
After that, one of my dcm's that I loved, (at the center I worked at) had a miscarriage. I felt so bad that I gave her a hug and cried. I was so embarrassed, but couldn't help it.

I like msdunnys idea of dinner! I think it's so nice of you to offer to keep dcg later. That will really help to!

[Memc2001]

I miscarried in July and not one person cared to say anything to me. The best thing you can do is express your condolences to her and let her know you are there for her. A dinner would be extra special but a nice thing to do.

She'll be okay-it just takes time.

[sahm1225]

One of my dcm was pregnant when I was (we were 3 weeks apart). She miscarried at 13 weeks. I asked her what I could do and she didn't say anything, I gave her a hug and she cried. I held her and just kept saying I'm so sorry you are going through this and she cried and cried. I watched dcb late the day of the procedure. Even had him ready to spend the night, but they picked up. I knew it was hard for her to see me pregnant, so I didn't discuss my pregnancy with her. I kept offering to watch him so she could rest.

She wrote me the sweetest letter afterwards telling me the hug and letting her cry was what she needed. 2 years later (she has since had another baby & dcb outgrew my daycare) she still will send me a Xmas card saying thank you for everything and thanking me for the hug.

Sorry, I went off on another story.

I would definitely say a meal or offer to watch dck to help them.

[Christina72684]

Just letting her know you are there for her I think is a great gesture. I only told a couple of my DC families that I was pregnant so when I miscarried not all of them knew. The ones that knew didn't say anything, but I think that's because they felt awkward. It wasn't the right time for me anyway (we were in the middle of building a house) and just wasn't meant to be. Sounds like the case for her too. It's still hard, but it does make it a little easier for me when thinking about it. Sometimes just a hug or a card can go a long way.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

A hug and a meal/flowers are very, very sweet things. When people gifted those things (a hug/meal/flowers) after my miscarriages it meant a lot to me. I had 3 in a row so people were very on edge, and I'm sure many people had a hug on standby, during my 4th pregnancy.

[ihop]

I just got an update. They told her she has a borderline ectopic pregnancy. I don't know anything about that but she said no more working or lifting.

[Scout]

I just got an update. They told her she has a borderline ectopic pregnancy. I don't know anything about that but she said no more working or lifting.

I thought these were so very dangerous and almost always had to have a dnc performed if your body didn't take care of it itself? :confused:I hope she and baby will be ok.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I thought these were so very dangerous and almost always had to have a dnc performed if your body didn't take care of it itself? :confused:I hope she and baby will be ok.

I thought so, too. I do not really understand borderline. It is or it isn't, I thought?

[ihop]

I did some digging and I think what she has is a cornual ectopic pregnancy. It is right between the tubes and uterus. Most people terminate but there is a chance it can move down into the uterus and be okay.

I hope and pray for her health and safety it moves.

[grateday]

Pain Pain Pain

I like the others ideas very much and they are helpful. Another thing to do is mow the lawn for them, drop off some treats for there family. Don't be afraid to call her and talk.


This is so very painful. The best thing to do is be there and listen. If you are close to her husband try and tell her to surround herself with loving and caring people that will listen to her. Go on walks with her and talk with her. Whatever her decision support it. Gestures are great but physically being in a person's presence during this is really important. Of all the people I have known that have had miscarraiges is a high number, but only one was ectopic. The one thing I heard is that it is incredibly painful.

Help her honor the memory of the lost with a ritual. Rituals help us release grief. Let her know you can call and talk anytime. Take a visit to the animal shelter with her if you are close and know she loves animals or encourage her family to go there.

Tell her it is ok to feel what she is feeling in that moment that she is with you.

If you want a don't list. I can send it to you.