Friend Is Not Being Very Realistic About Daycare!

[Mom of 4]

My friend just quit her job to become a DCP.

In our area, there is not much of a need for daycare (since we constantly compete with unreg/unlic care) except for some military families.


She has one child in her care but is moving 30 minutes away so will not have that child anymore once she moves.

She idealizes everything, does not have a contract, and thinks that this will pay her more than her $22 hr job that she just left.

I have briefly mentioned that she should NOT expect this kind of payout, even when she DOES get her license, but she is bound and determined. In our city, unless you're a center, you're lucky to get $100-$150 per week and there is a cap of 6 kids, including your own She has her child and step child in her home, so realistically she can ONLY take FOUR kids total.

I just think she made a really bad move if her sole reason is to "make more money" . She says she loves doing the daycare (it's day 3) but I don't think she's going to "love" the pay once she sees that it ISN'T what she's expecting.

I would like to hope for the best for her, but her "perfect" life is about to be turned upside down and she doesn't get it. She LEFT her job before moving, so now she'll be qualified on "self-employment" income which is very difficult and with her paycut, she is going to qualify for a lot less. She thinks it's so simple and isn't really getting the advice she's been given.

Somone on her fb told her to get contracts and she was dismissive, somewhat snotty about it.

I just feel like she's being ridiculously nonchalant and I'd hate to see her fail, but if she's unwilling to take advice, I kind of feel like she's asking for trouble. Should anyone even bother to say anything?

WWYD if this was your friend? Just let her fall on her face and learn the hard way or offer a sit-down?

[nannyde]

Let her have THIS experience. She needs it. It's part of the process and will be the only time she is enchanted with the money.

It's like dreaming about winning lottery. It's FUN!

[Moppetland]

Well, if I was a TRUE friend, I would support her. If she says that she is enjoying doing day care in her home, then it must be more to it for her than the money.

True, she won't make $22 per hour doing day care in her home. But just like every poster on this site, we all had to learn for ourselves. Some took advice, and some may not have taken it.

Maybe you can leave her some books or other literature on how to operate a home day care and just tell her that you were thinking about her and her business and just wanted to leave it for her to read at her convenience.

I have learned a long time ago, that despite your intentions to help someone, they will still do what they think is best for themselves.

People learn from their own mistakes and stubbornness. But I think you should just let her do this and let her see for herself that this isn't a very easy business. Eventually, she will either be successful at it, or she will not. Sometime or another, she will take the PROFESSIONAL advice of others in running her business. The state will definitely whip her in place if she is considering being registered/licensed.

In the meantime, just support her as a friend. IMO.

[Margarete]

22 an hour isn't as much when you factor in having to pay for childcare for her 2 kids, commute costs, other costs
She will most likely not get paid as much even after these are taken into account, she will also have childcare business costs, but she will also get to write off a lot of what she is already paying, so she will pay less taxes, may get money to also feed her own kids in the food program... and of course the benefit of being there for your children..
Most people who go into any self-employed business 'idealize' the pay, and don't factor in the additional costs, and realistic may not have a full client list at all times. Those that take too long to factor in the 'business' side of it don't last long.

If I talked to her about it, I would do it from a supportive standpoint. If she loves it it's worth it. If staying home with her kids is a priority and this is how she can make it work, it may be worth the discrepancy in pay. If your able to, let her know you can help her with some of the business aspect of childcare when/ if she wants to talk to you about it, and point her too some of the resources available

[Laurel]

Also, if you do talk to her, let her know that she won't always be full. She is probably multiplying her tuition per child times 52 weeks but families leave and you can't always replace them right away.

Laurel

[Starburst]

If she's not willing to listen to reason, then she might just be the type of person who learns better from mistakes. If she's not doing a contract or policies, she will learn fast how clients can take advantage of child care providers. She might not listen to others because they aren't in the FCC business and assumes that they don't know anything about daycare (but doesn't understand that doesn't mean they don't understand business). Like the others say, just try to be supportive but let her make her own mistakes; tough love.

I would also suggest this website to her and maybe she would understand that this is a serious business and reconsider contracts and policies.

[Mom to 4]

If she's not willing to listen to reason, then she might just be the type of person who learns better from mistakes. If she's not doing a contract or policies, she will learn fast how clients can take advantage of child care providers. She might not listen to others because they aren't in the FCC business and assumes that they don't know anything about daycare (but doesn't understand that doesn't mean they don't understand business). Like the others say, just try to be supportive but let her make her own mistakes; tough love.

I would also suggest this website to her and maybe she would understand that this is a serious business and reconsider contracts and policies.

See, the thing is, a couple ladies that she's really just blowing off ARE in FCC or were in FCC. I am a former FCC provider, myself, and quit because this area just didn't have the demand anymore and people would really take advantage or low-ball ya.

I don't think she understands that most of us have btdt and already learned from these things. She seriously doesn't seem to want to hear it because she will ONLY respond to the people who are saying "you'll do great" and "congrats" She's ignoring EVERYONE else who has offered solutions (She did say she was nervous about it and wanted to hear "everyone's" experiences, but apparently only those who want to congratulate her. )

To get an understanding of her, she's my "friend" but not a "great friend" because her life is perfect, and she needs no one, ever and has no problems ever, and never fails and nothing ever happens to her (so she says). It's hard to be friends with people who NEVER Have a single problem and know everything. So this is why I'm like should I bother wasting my time? Should anyone? Or should we let her be and let what happens, happen?

[cheerfuldom]

I would let her do her thing and she will find out the hard way. Why does it even matter so much to you? It is not that big of a deal. Sure it sounds like an uninformed decision on her part, but so what? Just leave it be.

I have had two people try to do daycare off of me.....one was an assistant I fired that made it on her own for about 6 months and quit and the other was a former daycare parent that ended up being overwhelmed with one child plus her own too and never expanded past that. She is now moving and quitting.

I knew both of these people were not cut out for daycare but they didn't listen to me and they found out the hard way. Doesnt bother me that they did it that way.

[JoseyJo]

To get an understanding of her, she's my "friend" but not a "great friend" because her life is perfect, and she needs no one, ever and has no problems ever, and never fails and nothing ever happens to her (so she says). It's hard to be friends with people who NEVER Have a single problem and know everything. So this is why I'm like should I bother wasting my time? Should anyone? Or should we let her be and let what happens, happen?

I think ask yourself these questions honestly: Will you be happy if she succeeds? Will you be happy if she fails?

If you are her friend, you will be happy if she succeeds. It sounds like you have already tried to give her the advice you think she needs, so back off and let her take it or not. She may surprise you and succeed in running her business in a way that wouldn't work for you.

If you are her frienemy, you will be happy when she fails (because it PROVES that her life isn't better than yours, and she doesn't know more than you). In this case you aren't giving her the advice for her well being so you should back off and let her be.

[Mom to 4]

I think ask yourself these questions honestly: Will you be happy if she succeeds? Will you be happy if she fails?

If you are her friend, you will be happy if she succeeds. It sounds like you have already tried to give her the advice you think she needs, so back off and let her take it or not. She may surprise you and succeed in running her business in a way that wouldn't work for you.

If you are her frienemy, you will be happy when she fails (because it PROVES that her life isn't better than yours, and she doesn't know more than you). In this case you aren't giving her the advice for her well being so you should back off and let her be.

I so hope she DOES make it, like a lot of other providers aren't. But if she doesn't, the next post will be WOE IS ME, and I don't want to have to see that. Plus, even though we're friends, I get tired of people who fish for advice, don't take it, and then they go through "woe is me" and it makes me feel like she doesn't value ANY opinion but her own, so it's like a waste of time to give advice. I hope she DOES make the right decisions, gets contracts in order, gets the right license (she can only take one family's kids right now, and only 4 kids when licensed)., and does this business legally and how she should, but realizes it IS harder than the other job. We'll just see what happens.

Thanks for the responses! At this point, I will sit tight and let her do what she wants to do and let her take on the good or bad that comes with this job. One can only hope for the best. (((SIGH)))

[cheerfuldom]

I would block her feed from Facebook and just create a little distance in real life if you can. I have several "friends" that are incredibly annoying LOL so while I do love them and spend time with them here and there, I can no longer tolerate the Facebook whining and attention seeking behavior.

[MyAngels]

There are providers out there who work without an extensive contract (or any at all) and it works out just fine.

Unless it affects you directly somehow I wouldn't worry about it one bit.

Life is too short to make other people's problems your own.

[Blackcat31]

You can learn that a stove is hot if your friend tells you it is. (knowledge)

You KNOW a stove is hot when you touch it. (experience)



The best lessons in life are learned by experience.

[nannyde]

I so hope she DOES make it, like a lot of other providers aren't. But if she doesn't, the next post will be WOE IS ME, and I don't want to have to see that. Plus, even though we're friends, I get tired of people who fish for advice, don't take it, and then they go throughneighboroe is me" and it makes me feel like she doesn't value ANY opinion but her own, so it's like a waste of time to give advice. I hope she DOES make the right decisions, gets contracts in order, gets the right license (she can only take one family's kids right now, and only 4 kids when licensed)., and does this business legally and how she should, but realizes it IS harder than the other job. We'll just see what happens.

Thanks for the responses! At this point, I will sit tight and let her do what she wants to do and let her take on the good or bad that comes with this job. One can only hope for the best. (((SIGH)))

She had parents who insisted she was “tired" or "teething" when she acted up at daycare. She had parents who bought her presents when it was her siblings birthday. She had parents who thought the teachers just didn't like her. She had parents who said she was "spirited" when she told the neighbors mom to get the ball she threw over the fence after the neighbors asked her to get it. She had parents who insisted she was an athlete when.she scaled the fridge to get the Suzie Q's off the top.

She has learned that words mean everything as long as they mean you get to do special and be special. She wants those words for her forray into daycare. She will believe them as she believed her parents words. They are all the same to her.

[mountainside13]

You can learn that a stove is hot if your friend tells you it is. (knowledge)

You KNOW a stove is hot when you touch it. (experience)



The best lessons in life are learned by experience.

I wouldn't worry about it. It sounds like no matter how hard you try, she won't listen. So don't waste your time