What age....

[WImom]

I am sending home a note for a DCB's mom to call me tonight. I am really concerned with her child's self helps skills. He is 42 months old (3.5y) and has been with me since beginning of Sept. (6 months now)

He is still not able to wash his hands on his own. He will just stand there confused or will get his hands wet and put soap on but will just keep washing them. If I peak in and tell him - rinse your hands and come out. He will just stand there or put more soap on. I waited one day and he was in the bathroom for 15 minutes before I just couldn't stand it anymore. The kids go two at time so he always has someone to watch if I'm not in there)

He will also do this with getting his winter clothing on (He can not get regular clothing on either even with me starting it). I will get him started with his snow pants and then he just wanders around, stands there, or takes them off and wanders around with them on his head. He also can not get the items off (I unzip his jacket, help him with boots).

I can't tell if he really doesn't know or he is just waiting for me to do it. He is the youngest and his siblings are 5y older than him. He is hard to understand when talking but has been doing more and more talking and communicating with me lately so I think he is just late with that or they did all the talking for him. He is also just this week starting to play with the other kids a little and has been bringing me pretend food to eat. He still plays mostly by himself. I sent home a checklist in December for 3y olds (mainly regarding speech) but parents didn't communicate anything back to me and he isn't in therapy that I am aware of.

He also does not care if he is missing out. I've tried that too. "Everyone is outside, lets get your jacket it on so you can go out too". "Rinse your soap off, you are missing _____". He does not care!

I help him and explain to him daily and I will ask him what comes next to get him thinking. I also have him try after I show him. He can get his jacket on (we do the flip thing) but today he acted like he had never seen a jacket before! He does get excited when he accomplishes things at my house but is so unmotivated most of the time.

How should I go about talking to mom about this? Am I asking to much for him to be able to do these things? I have other kids (27m olds)that actually need some help doing these things and he is continuing to take my attention for this or disrupting our transitions.

Tips? Suggestions?
I just have a feeling he does nothing for himself at home.

[Blackcat31]

Is his mom a helicopter parent?

I have one like that and the mom is such an extreme helicopter parent that I truly feel the child has no sense of HOW to help themselves...kwim?

They don't take social cues from the others and will stand in one spot for a lengthy time looking like they have zero clue as to what comes next.

It took me a while, but I figured out that it was because mom was so quick to immediately jump in that she completely squashed any motivating cells to figure it out on their own.

It's sad, but parents that are that over bearing actually do MORE harm than the ones who don't pay any attention to their kids at all. Atleast those types kids HAVE to figure things out on their own and usually pretty independent at a young age.

[WImom]

She is a full time student and works, dad works full time and he has older sibling's. I think they are so busy that they just do everything for him to go "quick" instead of giving him time to try himself.

Wasn't sure if I was asking too much. He should be able to do atleast his hands on his own right? That is a early 2y old skill atleast I thought it was.

[TwinKristi]

Do you have a free early intervention program in your area? Maybe call them and see about a consultation. I did this for a boy in my care, 21mos at the time after going to a class about their program at our resource & referral office. I'm so glad I did this because he was assessed at a 13-15 month old level, now at almost 2.5 he's probably in the 15-18 month range and probably lower in some areas. He's receiving PT & ST weekly but I'm not seeing a huge improvement like I would have hoped. He will repeat words but doesn't speak as a means of communication. He will walk around making noise and whining or crying as opposed to asking, using sign, pointing... Anything. It's quite frustrating. A lot of the things you mentioned are very much like him. He's not able to put on or remove clothing alone. He acts as if he has NO IDEA what I'm saying at times. He has a hard time following certain instructions. He has a LOT of issues and at times it's hard to deal with. I feel bad for him because he's an only child and his mom and Nana kinda meet his needs without him communicating. I try and sign every time we eats, drink water, ask for more, etc. The other DCKs and my own DS picked up on simple signs immediately but he can only sign more and uses it for everything. And I think mom is happy to see that so she rewards it instead of saying "no, this is cracker" <signs cracker> "Would you like more crackers?" <signs more & cracker> but she just goes "oh yay! Ok!"

I would definitely do an assessment on your own of milestones (like you did at 3) and explain he's not meeting his milestones (even find younger papers he may not be meeting) and explain he may need some intervention. Once he's 3, at least here, he can receive help through the school district.

[Kcole1075]

I have a child like this but he is four. His mother is definitely a helicopter parent but I also believe there is something else at play.

Mom used to specialize in autism but now worjs from home. She tokd me at times she wonders if he has is but says her doctor wont test because he is "so young". I don't believe her. I think he needs to be tested . Mom also has excuses for acting the way he does he got that from his sister, "oh his eczema is acting up so he isnt following directions".