Help Me With Hitting, Positive Reinforcement System

[spinnymarie]

I'm at my wits end with all the hitting around here. It's not hard hitting, no one is actually hurt, but they seem to have all forgotten how to use words.
They usually get a time out. If you aren't using time outs, what are you doing differently?
I have a positive reinforcement system in place for the whole group - does anyone do positive reinforcement for each individual kid? Maybe that's what I need.

[CraftyMom]

I have zero tolerance for hitting. If you hit you sit. Then I make a big deal over the one who got hit. "I'm sorry dcb hit you, that is not how we treat our friends" or "awwww poor dcg it's no fun to be hit by our friends" with a big hug.

[llpa]

We also have a "hit you sit" rule and while I pile on the praise during times when they could have hit but used words instead, it is all verbal. Everyone is different, I just don't give a physical reward to a child for behaving in a way that is expected on every level in society. It does get harder if you have more than one hitter. Sometimes there are a couple sitting w a toy all alone in various parts of the dc.

[daycarediva]

We also have a "hit you sit" rule and while I pile on the praise during times when they could have hit but used words instead, it is all verbal. Everyone is different, I just don't give a physical reward to a child for behaving in a way that is expected on every level in society. It does get harder if you have more than one hitter. Sometimes there are a couple sitting w a toy all alone in various parts of the dc.

yup. IMHO- there are far too many 'overly praised' children. Sticker charts, BIG rewards for small things or expected behavior, etc. They come to expect rewards, and those their intrinisic motivation for doing what they know is right.

I don't use stickers, at all, ever. Positive reward here is praise and a high five.

[My3cents]

I'm at my wits end with all the hitting around here. It's not hard hitting, no one is actually hurt, but they seem to have all forgotten how to use words.
They usually get a time out. If you aren't using time outs, what are you doing differently?
I have a positive reinforcement system in place for the whole group - does anyone do positive reinforcement for each individual kid? Maybe that's what I need.

hitting to me doesn't include positive reinforcement

Its a plain out NO We don't hit. Teaching kids NO is a good thing, not a bad thing, because life is not full of positives in reality- Some things are NO

What I do is tell the child No, we don't hit. Then I turn my attention on the victim and make sure that child is ok. I say we don't hit our friends that hurts and we don't like to hurt people. I say this as I am hugging the victim or checking out the hit site but is meant for everyone in the room to hear.

Two's love to hit. They can react before the words come out of the mouth. Three's have more understanding, but the two's are capable of understanding also.

This is what works for me.
Good luck-

[My3cents]

I have zero tolerance for hitting. If you hit you sit. Then I make a big deal over the one who got hit. "I'm sorry dcb hit you, that is not how we treat our friends" or "awwww poor dcg it's no fun to be hit by our friends" with a big hug.

lovethis I need to learn to read before I respond.....again::

[My3cents]

yup. IMHO- there are far too many 'overly praised' children. Sticker charts, BIG rewards for small things or expected behavior, etc. They come to expect rewards, and those their intrinisic motivation for doing what they know is right.

I don't use stickers, at all, ever. Positive reward here is praise and a high five.

I do praise too, but I do stickers for potty training and also praise.

[LadyPearl]

I am also reluctant to shower with praise. I don't like the attitudes that it can produce.

[spinnymarie]

Thank you for the replies.

I am also using the 'hit-sit' rule - however, in finding that certain kids are hitting/sitting several times each day I was hoping to improve upon it in some way. Glad to hear that it is continuing to work for others.

Perhaps my questioning was misleading, as my positive reinforcement question wasn't specifically linked to hitting, outside of the fact that I usually find that when misbehavior peaks that I have been slacking on positive reinforcement, so a chart or something is helpful for me to remember to praise each child as well as reflect on our day and think about how we can improve for the next day.

I feel I am well-versed in positive reinforcement and its benefits as well as its short-comings, and I am not out to start a debate on whether to use it and in what ways - I was simply asking if anyone has had success with an individual system in a daycare setting.

Thanks for the feedback

[caregiver]

What do you do when you have a child that is older, say 4, almost 5 yr old and they hit and misbehave and you tell them to sit or go in time out and they say No. As a provider there is nothing we can further do to make the child go sit or go in time out. I have a dcb like this and when I tell him to sit or go sit in time out he will tell me no and turn away. You can't force him physically to sit or go in time out, so I am at a loss as how to handle him when he hits or misbehaves. I have talked with his parents and they know what he does and he also hits his sister at home, but they are the parents so they can discipline more then I can here.
Any suggestions would be appreciated.

[Unregistered]

A four or five year old can most certainly be placed in time out. No way would I let a five year old tell me no when I told him to go to time out. I'm not sure how long you've had him in care but by 5 he would either get the rules or get out.I have zero tolerance for disrespecrful children. Children learning rules and boundaries,sure,disrespect,NO!
I would physically pick him up and place him in time out and put him back every time.
This should have started much earlier than five so he will put up a fight.
He thinks there is nothing you can do when he tells you no,show him that no is not acceptable.

[Blackcat31]

A four or five year old can most certainly be placed in time out. No way would I let a five year old tell me no when I told him to go to time out. I'm not sure how long you've had him in care but by 5 he would either get the rules or get out.I have zero tolerance for disrespecrful children. Children learning rules and boundaries,sure,disrespect,NO!
I would physically pick him up and place him in time out and put him back every time.
This should have started much earlier than five so he will put up a fight.
He thinks there is nothing you can do when he tells you no,show him that no is not acceptable.

Then what??

Physically force him to stay put??

NO WAY would I get into a physical struggle with a 4 or 5 yr old child about going or staying in time out.

I would be cited for that in a heart beat as NO discipline can be physical and certainly not a physical struggle.

If a child refused to listen to my directions, I would be calling the parent and having them come pick the child up immediately. They created an unwilling child, they can fix it.

[Unregistered]

I would not be cited for physically picking up a child and placing them in time out.Technically we are allowed in my state to "restrain if needed by placing the children in our lap and wrapping our arms around them. I've never had to do that but yes,I have and will pickup a child to place them in time out.I'm never forceful,I pick them up,put them in time out and walk away.I will do it 100 times if I have to. This starts early so it may be too late for a five year old. If I ever have to call a parent because I cant control a child that would be their last day here.
They can act however they want with them but here they follow rules and respect me and my home.

[Blackcat31]

I would not be cited for physically picking up a child and placing them in time out.Technically we are allowed in my state to "restrain if needed by placing the children in our lap and wrapping our arms around them. I've never had to do that but yes,I have and will pickup a child to place them in time out.I'm never forceful,I pick them up,put them in time out and walk away.I will do it 100 times if I have to. This starts early so it may be too late for a five year old. If I ever have to call a parent because I cant control a child that would be their last day here.
They can act however they want with them but here they follow rules and respect me and my home.

I guess as long as the parent understands that is how your discipline strategies work, great. Like I said, NOT something I would ever engage in.

I just do not believe that repeatedly putting a 4 or 5 yr old child back on to the time out spot over and over again is a healthy method of disciplining and or guiding a child.

At that age, he knows how to listen. Not staying in the time out chair is pure defiance and that type of defiance isn't "fixed" simply by repeatedly placing him back on the chair every time he gets off and runs.

That sounds like a pretty fun game for a 4 or 5 year old....and ALOT of wasted time on the providers part.

I think that if a child repeatedly gets up after being told not to, then time out isn't an effective method of guidance for that child. Other strategies should be researched and tried.

Applying and/or having to endure a time out shouldn't be an aerobic activity and it should never take more than a few minutes from the time a child has to sit to the discussion afterwards.

[caregiver]

Then what??

Physically force him to stay put??

NO WAY would I get into a physical struggle with a 4 or 5 yr old child about going or staying in time out.

I would be cited for that in a heart beat as NO discipline can be physical and certainly not a physical struggle.

If a child refused to listen to my directions, I would be calling the parent and having them come pick the child up immediately. They created an unwilling child, they can fix it.

That is my issue. That I can not physically pick him up knowing I would be cited for doing that. As a provider these days we have to be SO careful on what we do and so that is my issue. I have thought about calling the parents, but have not had the guts to do yet as I try to handle the situation myself. I feel as tho I should not call parents just for their child not listening to me about sitting in time out as they will think that I can not handle their child and that I must not be a good daycare provider if I call them every time their child misbehaves and won't do a time out. Also parents can't get off of work to come get their child. I run a small daycare and only have 3 kids, so I am not in a center setting and I try to make my daycare feel like home for the kids and more of a personal type place, so that is part of my issue also.

My own kids were taught to behave and we didn't allow them to act like that when they were growing up and never ever acted like the dck's I have now. My husband & I believe in discipline and our boys never had any issues of any kind growing up, but today's kids are so different as it seems their is no discipline at home and they think that they can just get away with things and their parents won't do anything. And as providers it is hard for us to do much as we are told that we can not do much disciplining of any kind or we get in trouble, so we are stuck between a rock and a hard place, so to speak. So I just do the best I can with dealing with issues here and that is about all I can do. I just keep talking to the parents about him and hope that something works soon.