"Papaw Bites....Down There"

[Unregistered]

This is what one of our 2 year olds has been telling us lately. Well it started with Dad bites, which he does. The boy used to bite everyone all the time, so Dad bit him a few times and left a bruise. But he started saying this during diaper changes, so we questioned where he was being bit. Now he's saying "Papaw's bad" and he just started playing with himself, which he's never done before. Today he said "Papaw bites" and when we asked where he pointed to his diaper.


We called our licensing consultant and she told us to call CPS. We asked if we should tell mom (we're not sure if it's her dad or the dad's dad) and she told us it's up to us what we want to do.

What would you do?

[KidGrind]

Report it to CPS and do my job.

[MotherNature]

definitely report to cps. Dad shouldn't be biting the kid back in the first place, especially not to leave a bruise! And then of course with what sounds like sexual abuse, yes call. As for telling mom, I would tell her what kid said & see how she reacts.

[NoMoreJuice!]

Call, and tell

Call CPS first, then let mom know what you observed and that you called. It is always better to be totally transparent with your families. They will know it was you that reported anyway, so it makes you look more mature to address the situation face to face.

[sahm1225]

I would definitely report to cps. i would ask cps whether or not you should tell the mom.

[SilverSabre25]

Slippery slope...but I would tell mom. In absolute private, of course.

curious what you did and how this worked out. I can see it going two ways: either mom knows/suspects and isn't sure how to handle (such as having been abused herself by this man), or she has no clue and will immediately move to protect her son.

[originalkat]

Call CPS first, then let mom know what you observed and that you called. It is always better to be totally transparent with your families. They will know it was you that reported anyway, so it makes you look more mature to address the situation face to face.

Yep, as hard as this situation is this is what I would do.

[MarinaVanessa]

I wouldnt tell mom. That's the first thing that CPS tells us not to do. Do not alert the parents that you know something or have called CPS. The CPS investigations may take a bit and if they turn it over to the police their investigations may take even more. If you alert one parent you never know how the parent will react. They may confront the other parent and the other parent, if guilty, may run. That's whats been going on where I live in a way.

Family living in a home. Brother of dad is allowed to move in. Dad watching TV with brother, mom in shower. Brother gets up and goes into daughters room, sexually abuses her, doesn't take long and goes back to watching TV like nothing. Mom gets out of shower and hears her daughter crying and asks what's wrong, daughter tells mom. Mom walks out of house as if nothing happened and takes daughter to police station. They take a report and take daughter to get an exam. They find semen and signs of sexual assault. Police send a car to house to get brother. Mom calls dad on cell phone hysterical, dad gets into a confrontation with his brother, brother takes off before police get there. The brother is still missing and they have been looking for him for almost 6 months. If mom would have waited they would have had her husband's brother

It's because of this reason CPS and Police (in my county) say don't alert the parents or anyone else. If you say something to mom and dad is guilty he may pack up the whole family and move or may run by himself. It's a possibility.

[Unregistered]

Usually advised not to tell. As mentioned it gives time for possibly guilty to flee, or for stories to cover tracks to be formulated. They may try to prep or scare the child into not talking.

[daycarediva]

Dad should NEVER be biting back, and hard enough to leave a bruise? what?

I would call and not say a word to the family. Too much risk of messing up the investigation.

[CraftyMom]

This is tough. I would NOT want to tell mom for reasons mentioned above. At the same time the abuse is possibly continuing and no one is aware to stop it. How long would it take CPS to do something?

[craftymissbeth]

I would NOT tell the family. I actually just looked up the number for who I would need to report to if I ever needed to (thank goodness I haven't needed to so far) and on the website it says that they cannot legally tell who it was that reported it. I would just report and let them do their investigation.

[Babyluver21]

I had to report abuse (although NOT like that). Kid had a bruise that looked like a freaking HANDPRINT! The outline was so distinguished, there was NOTHING I could make up in my mind that it could be BUT a handprint, indicating the dad (who I knew spanked AND am ok with spanking, as well) had taken it TOO far.

I simply called CPS and that was that. I did not talk to mom or grandma or anyone else. CPS was at my door within 2 hours, and then they interviewed the dad. He said that the bruise was caused by "sitting his child in a carrier on his back that had a metal thing in it" Yeah, right. They didn't TELL him it was me, but he knew. So did mom. He came into my daycare while I was in an interview, SCREAMING at me, calling me names, saying he'd get me shut down. Unfortunately, for him, he was an officer in the US Army. So, after making that threat, I promptly contacted his commanding officer and they handled everything from there.

CPS did take pictures of the child's bruises and of him and used that in their investigation. Needless to say, I obviously do not know the outcome of that case.

HOWEVER, the fact they were there very quickly because I had evidence of physical abuse, shows that they will take it seriously when coming from a DC provider. I had NO other problems with the family, with the exception of a late payment or two, over 1 year. It didn't matter I had the child so long, the fact was, I saw what I believed was to be abuse, and thus I had to report, even if I DIDN'T tell mom first. (Which in hindsight, I am VERY glad I did not do that)