What is Fair?

[childcaremom]

I've done daycare at two different points in my life. One, when my oldest was young and 'in' my daycare. He did daycare activities and played with daycare toys. His toys stayed in his room. He followed daycare rules and didn't get 'special'. So, using the example mentioned about bikes, bikes weren't a part of my daycare and so he couldn't ride his bike while the dcks were here. He had access to daycare toys and that was that.

Now my kids are all in school. My life is easier in some respects and not so much in others. The biggest struggle right now is attention. I have scheduled our rest time, though, so dcks are resting when my kids come home from school. That gives me a chance to reconnect with my own kids before the little ones wake up. My kids are all older and so can do different things than the dcks in the sense that they can go and play at the park by themselves while I stay with the dcks here. And so on. As pp stated, when my kids are here and around the dcks, same rules apply. They are expected to be good role models (and mostly are) and are fantastic entertainment. When my kids are here on vacation and summer, etc, I will plan special stuff for rest times so that they don't feel like their whole lives are run by daycare and little people.

I still get dinner organized and will feed my own kids if there are dcks here. We have a busy evening schedule. I just tell the dcks that their moms and dads will be here soon and they will be going home to eat then.

I had my kids in after school care 2 years ago when I was finishing my degree and they hated it. They know that is the 'other' option and like being able to come home

[spud912]

I don't promise that I will love these kids like my own nor do I promise that all the kids will be treated the exact same way. I do strive to be fair, but the kids here are not equal. My kids ARE special to me because they are mine. And I am not going to act like they are just like the daycare kids during daycare hours because they are still special to me no matter what time of day it is. They may get a little special treatment here and there but I do my best for it to be done in a way that is not obvious or hurtful to the daycare families. I keep that mantra "Fair does not mean everything is equal" even with my own four kids. They won't all get the exact same bike, the exact same treat, the exact same meal all the time. I personally have issue with parents and providers that try to make things equal. This sets up a scenario that can never be replicated in the real world.

Yes I agree with this 100%! I try to be fair and consistent; HOWEVER, there are things that will be different because we are family! I say "I love you" to my children frequently throughout the day and I don't really say that to the dck's . I complement the dck's all the time but the truth is that I don't truly LOVE some of them (that sounds so bad, but I can't make up emotions!!). I probably cuddle with my kids more and I probably rough house with them more during daycare hours. It's true that everything is not fair even between my own children. One of my daughters needs more cuddling..... one of them needs more discipline (haha still on same child) ..... they often get talked to differently depending on what works best with their personality, etc.

[Kimskiddos]

I don't let my preschoolers into my daughter's bedroom or to play with her toys.

She's allowed to go play anywhere in the house with whatever she would like, but she may not bring her stuff into preschool (even when she says she wants to share, it never goes well, so we don't even go there). Also, she's allowed to get a snack whenever she wants, but I have her eat it away from the other kids. She'll sometimes watch a tv show upstairs during preschool (the kids have no idea and she knows to keep quiet about it! ).

But, if she's in the preschool room, she must behave as the preschoolers, participate in our activities, eat our snacks, etc. She is not allowed to ride her bike or even show them that she gets 'special' treatment, like extra snacks, etc. The kids just know that sometimes she's off in another room, "taking a break".

I wouldn't allow her to do these things in front of the other kids. Not because it's not fair (it's not fair but that doesn't bother me), but because I think it's unkind.

Both my kiddos are grown and out of the house. They grew up in my daycare and for the most part it was a positive experience for them both. Although I'm not sure I'll ever become a grandma! They are 30 & 26 and both still unmarried. Maybe one day...

[Play Care]

When my kids were in my day care they needed to follow the same rules as the dc kids - to a point. When my husband was home he took our kids and after that they were "off" the clock. My job was to keep the dck's entertained and busy.
If my kids needed to eat earlier due to evening plans, my husband fed them while I worked. If they wanted to ride their bikes while they were under my husbands supervision, they did. I just made sure we were not in the same area. I would never allow my kids to gloat or be unkind. At the same time, this is their home and obviously they have their own toys, etc here. One of the reasons I sent my kids to preschool was because I felt certain dcp's viewed my kids as here for their own child's amusement/entertainment. Some were shocked on days when my husband was off work that he took our kids out for the day, leaving their child the only one here. I thought that was kind of odd.

[Margarete]

I had a family child care class that the teacher had gotten an award for inclusive child care (for dealing with special needs children), and what she wrote when she accepted the award was really good.... talking about how all children have special needs, and shared examples. Everyone gets 'special' according to their needs (not all of their wants) which include feeling cared about by me. I adjust my program, and our schedules based on interests of all of the children.
They do know who's mom I am.. I remember when my daughter really realized I'm "her mom", and not also the dck. She would repeat it over and over, in front of them, and I would say yes, and I'm their (insert whatever title you use here). They also get snuggles, and attention... but I'm her mom. They have their own parents, and my job is to support that relationship, not step on, or replace. I do, but if I didn't 'love' my dck's, and I was saying I love you to my kids in front of them, I would make sure they know that their mom/ dad loves them.

[TwinKristi]

Are you on the food program? Have you considered offering these kids dinner at 5pm with your DS? Personally I enjoy serving dinner to 2 extra kids because that means I get to claim all my kids too! I have 4 kids who still qualify for the FP (under 13) and as long as I have a DC kid here I can claim them in my meals. My FP rep told me to do this, so I'm not cheating the system. She said that even if they go home for dinner, this could be a big snack and instead of a $0.71 snack you get a $2.27 meal or whatever it is per child. I was doing it more in Nov-Dec but I would serve dinner early to all my kids when I had DC kids here! It's great!

[Crazy8]

for my own children this has always been their HOME not their DAYCARE and its always been treated as such. Once they were old enough they were free to leave the daycare playroom any time they wanted. They could play on their own in our family room or their bedrooms or go to the kitchen for something, etc. But we always had the rule that if they brought something into the playroom it was for sharing. So they learned to keep toys they didn't want to share out of there but more often than not they wanted to play with their own toys with their friends so they'd bring them in.

Due to our after daycare activities I often had to feed them dinner during dc hours - they eat at the kitchen table, the dc kids are in the daycare room. One has nothing to do with the other for me.

[daycare]

some things I let go and others I don't it depends on what it is.

My child did not ask me to do childcare, they were born into it. I give my kid treats all the time, but he has to eat them in the kitchen out of site of everyone. I don't even think that the dcks know about it. I tell my DCKS when you are your home you can do whatever your parents say you can. He is already home and he is sharing it with you, so when you go home ask your parents if you can______________________________

I have never had any issues.....

[blandino]

I am the daughter or a daycare provider, and now currently a daycare provider.

My mom always made sure that our bedrooms were off limits, and the toys inside them were too. There were "the daycare toys" and "our toys", and if we brought our own toys out of our bedrooms during daycare hours - then it was the same as any other toy brought from home by any other child (it had to be shared). But we were allowed that separation.

I will say, though, looking back. My mom used to make different lunches for my brother. At the time she thought nothing of it, and now she realizes that it wasn't fair to the DCK. I think parents *think* they are being fair between their DCK and their own children, but I think it is tremendously difficult for parents to see their own children and their actions toward them in a completely unbiased light. Just like the story in NannyDE has about hiring an assistant who was nursing and wouldn't get up to help a child who had fallen, because her son was nursing. To anyone else, it makes no sense to not get up and help a hurt child. But in that mom's eyes, it was perfectly logical. Just like in my mom's eyes, it was perfectly logical to make her own child his own lunch.

I totally understand the dichotomy of the lunch scenario for my mom (or any provider) is it fair that your child has to eat what the other DCK eat, if they don't like it, when in their own house - no (not always at least). Other kids with SAHMs, probably get to choose their own lunches sometimes, and a mom would want that for their child. But it also isn't fair to the other DCK for one child to get special treatment.

I think it is a VERY hard line to walk... because by nature of being parents, you are going to see your own child in a different light.

[Starburst]

Well, the lady I used to work for had two children (a boy and a girl) and did daycare for over 30 years before her children were even born and both her children had totally opposite reactions. Her son doesn't want anything to do with the daycare (except when him and his ex wife were planning on having a baby and she offered to give them a discount) but her daughter was always apart of the daycare and is now her assistant with her own daughter who she brings to work with her (about 2 y/o) and she is planning on taking over her mom's business when she is ready to retire.

The son mostly liked to stay at the dads house (divorced) and the daughter liked staying with the mom and her room was often used as the "big kids room" which she had no problem with because she loved the after school kids (this was when she was a teen). She never had a problem sharing her toys with the daycare kids, if she had a special toy she didn't want anyone else to use she would just make sure that it was hidden during daycare so no one would play with it.

The provider also had her children go to different preschools (another family child care provider she was friends with) a few hours every day so that her kids wouldn't get too clingy and would have an easier time going to kindergarten; also partly so they wouldn't get jealous about "sharing mommy".

Personally, I think that yes this is their home but they will need to learn that when any company is over (daycare kids or not) some sacrifices are going to have to be made. There is a time and a place for everything, they always have the weekend and after dc hours to play with their own personal toys.

[Angelsj]

Since each child was small, we have had one room (kid's bedroom/s, basement room, somewhere) that MY kids were allowed to have their toys, and daycare kids could not go unless invited. My kids could go into their rooms and play with their toys without being bothered.
However, they could NOT bring the toys into daycare space and not share. If you bring it out, you share it.
I have always made sure every child had age appropriate outdoor toys, such as bicycles, and no one rode anyone's without permission, so this is not an issue. At daycare, Tommy has his own bike, Sue has her own, etc. If I get a new child or a child ages up, we talk about changing of the bikes and new ones get assigned.
We eat at 9 am, 11:30- 12:30 depending on the day of the week (we have a late start every week here on one day) and at 5:30 pm. If a kid is here, they eat too. All my parents are aware of this. I also do not give a treat to one child without giving one to all.
Though, in fairness, sometimes my older teens will slip down, grab a quick snack and disappear into their rooms to eat it without being seen. If they get caught, they have to share. ::

[KidGrind]

I think part of our job is to be professional. I think children in the same age group as your DCKs should follow the same rules. When my own children were 8 and under I treated them like the DCK kids in my care.

Mom can I have a popsicle?

No.

Mom can I go outside and play?

No.

Mom can I ride my bike?

No.


I think it’s bad business practice to give your children within the daycare area special treatment during program hours. I think DCKs can be made to feel less than, disliked and unwanted.

My kids knew they rolled how the daycare kids rolled when I was working. They got it and acted accordingly. As they got older, it’s easier. They are often in the non daycare area before and after school.

I made a choice to enter into this home business. Most home business require some sacrifice and/or inconvenience as far a space & family. They got the evil eye if they even mentioned chips or ice creams.

[jenn]

I think it depends on the age of your child and the space you dedicate to daycare.

My daughter is school age (but homeschooled so home all day) and we have a dedicated daycare area.

When she chooses to be in the daycare area, she must follow the daycare rules. All daycare toys are shared and she has no special privileges with them.

However, when she is in her play room, that is her personal space. Her playroom toys do not leave that room. Some have little parts and would not be appropriate for daycare. None of my daycare kids have ever even see this room, so they don't really even know what is in there. Her playroom is upstairs right above the daycare room. I can check on her without losing visual on my daycare kids.

Her classroom is also her space, and again no daycare child has ever even seen it.

Outside, we do daycare toys. Everything is shared. Her personal bike and toys are in a separate area that only get played with when daycare is closed.

She has meals and snacks with the kids. She gets the same things they get. Sometimes she gets a larger portion as she is older so serving size is larger, but they are always welcome to have seconds, so it balances out.

If she was at a friends house, I would not expect her to have free reign of their home. If she was at another daycare, I would expect them to treat her really well, but would not expect them to treat her like their own child. Due to her being older than any of the others here, and that the "special" is not really visible to them, I have never had it create a problem.

[Starburst]

I think part of our job is to be professional. I think children in the same age group as your DCKs should follow the same rules. When my own children were 8 and under I treated them like the DCK kids in my care.

Mom can I have a popsicle?

No.

Mom can I go outside and play?

No.

Mom can I ride my bike?

No.


I think it’s bad business practice to give your children within the daycare area special treatment during program hours. I think DCKs can be made to feel less than, disliked and unwanted.

My kids knew they rolled how the daycare kids rolled when I was working. They got it and acted accordingly. As they got older, it’s easier. They are often in the non daycare area before and after school.

I made a choice to enter into this home business. Most home business require some sacrifice and/or inconvenience as far a space & family. They got the evil eye if they even mentioned chips or ice creams.

[spinnymarie]

Everyone follows the same rules while DCK are here at my house. If my kids have toys that they don't want to share, the toys must be in their room before the DCK get here. We all eat the same things at the same times, do the same things at the same times, and stay in the same areas. I may change my mind about being in the same rooms as my own kids get older, but at dc age right now, this is the only way it works. TBH, I've never thought about doing it differently, either. I'm doing home daycare so I can be home with my kids, but if I wanted to act like a SAHM and treat my kids as if I were one, I'd be doing that instead.