Why Do I Feel Bad

[daycare]

I have a dcf, single mom. Kid is 4 FT. DCM is nice, a little bit of a basket case some times but drops off and picks up on time, keeps kid home sick etc. Well last year before x-mas mom got demoted at work, not sure why. This meant a drop in pay.

I have one spot (I call it my pay it forward spot) that I reserve for single moms that are struggling. The spot is discounted $100.00 a month.

Well when the DCM got demoted she talked to me and asked me if she could pay late one week, then it was the next week and so on. she was getting help from her family and a little more help from dad. Her paying late without late fee became a habit. I told her in Jan that i was giving her until the 14th of this month to get back on track. I would not take anymore late payments.

Well the kid is out of town on vacation with the grandma, so I told her she could come by today by 1 to pay. My house is by her work. She did not come. So at 3pm I drew up a term letter,emailed it, copied it and sent a certified copy to her address.

Of course 10 min after the email goes through I get a phone call begging me for another chance. I told her that I did all that I could and that I could not afford to keep doing that. She owed me $600.00, $200.00 of it for services already provided. I told her to pay me the $200.00 and that I would call it a day.

The mom is devastated......... I just can't let her financial issues become mine. She did come by and paid the $200.00 in cash like I asked and picked up her things. Her eyes were swollen red and she was crying. She said how sorry she was and she felt horrible that she was going to have to tell her child he can't come back because mommy messed up. UGH, don't try to guilt me.

Please tell me that I should feel bad and that I did the right thing.............

[Cradle2crayons]

I have a dcf, single mom. Kid is 4 FT. DCM is nice, a little bit of a basket case some times but drops off and picks up on time, keeps kid home sick etc. Well last year before x-mas mom got demoted at work, not sure why. This meant a drop in pay.

I have one spot (I call it my pay it forward spot) that I reserve for single moms that are struggling. The spot is discounted $100.00 a month.

Well when the DCM got demoted she talked to me and asked me if she could pay late one week, then it was the next week and so on. she was getting help from her family and a little more help from dad. Her paying late without late fee became a habit. I told her in Jan that i was giving her until the 14th of this month to get back on track. I would not take anymore late payments.

Well the kid is out of town on vacation with the grandma, so I told her she could come by today by 1 to pay. My house is by her work. She did not come. So at 3pm I drew up a term letter,emailed it, copied it and sent a certified copy to her address.

Of course 10 min after the email goes through I get a phone call begging me for another chance. I told her that I did all that I could and that I could not afford to keep doing that. She owed me $600.00, $200.00 of it for services already provided. I told her to pay me the $200.00 and that I would call it a day.

The mom is devastated......... I just can't let her financial issues become mine. She did come by and paid the $200.00 in cash like I asked and picked up her things. Her eyes were swollen red and she was crying. She said how sorry she was and she felt horrible that she was going to have to tell her child he can't come back because mommy messed up. UGH, don't try to guilt me.

Please tell me that I should feel bad and that I did the right thing.............

Here ya go..... Read my lips....

Don't feel bad... And you did the right thing..... :hug:

If mom was so worried and upset, maybe she should have taken her responsibilities a little more seriously...

End of story... You can't let her problems become yours....

Feel better now?

[CraftyMom]

You did the right thing! She is sorry for now, but if she cant afford it she would be right back in this situation in no time

[Blackcat31]

Sympathy is a feeling NOT an action. It's okay to feel bad. I would too. :hug:

You did this mom a huge favor. Most people would probably cave and continue to give her second chances. That doesn't make for very responsible adults so technically you taught her that there are consequences to her actions and that only SHE can change her behaviors.

Yes, it is a sad thing that she has to tell her child that he can't return because mom messed up. Especially because it's the truth. Hopfully, she never has to do it again.

It's a good lesson in personal responsibility for her,

[daycare]

good point. it is a feeling not an action...........

I have learned the hard way too many times being a push over, but I just can't keep doing it.

Thanks for making me feel better. I am really really going to miss the dck................

BUT it was becoming a habit I was no longer willing to support...

[daycare]

too funny....you are so right....thanks for the feed back

[Josiegirl]

So why do we all start daycare to begin with? Most likely a list of reasons would include:
we love kids
we want to stay home with our own kids
we need an income

That last one is just as important as anything else. Yes, I'd feel terrible BUT she either needs to find state help, get another job, somehow increase her income, etc. It's terrible that she had a decrease in pay at work. BUT did her employer think about her or his business? You need to do the same. And in this job, it's very difficult to separate business from the family. Comes with the territory.

[coolconfidentme]

I had a DCM cry her story to me several times & I gave her too many second changes. Some required me to file paperwork & wait for my pay from the state. She was on the voucher program & forgot to scan her card. I had enough of it & termed her for failing to scan again. The only call I got was from her now boyfriend demanding the last state payment I received from her not scanning. (smh) You can here here in the background telling him what to say. No tears. Just in your face, tell her this & tell her that. This lady owes me money, . Maybe shes a tad upset we have court date next month, right?

ps..., most single peeps get a huge tax check & can pay the back fees in full.

[CraftyMama]

Feeling bad or having sympathy for DCM is ok. It's human nature. Don't let her actions and words bring your down. You went above and beyond to "help" her in a financial situation. What you were doing, and I'm sure at some point we have all fell into this; is enabling her situation. You did do her a favor by terming her. She now has to become more responsible. :hug:

[daycarediva]

No excuses. I have a single Mom who works two jobs, never pays me late, I give her discounted care and she used her tax refund to pay me for the difference. Being a single Mom is NOT an excuse and it's being played way too much!

I would feel bad, I can empathize without it compromising me though.


I had to immediately term a family for constant late pick ups this week. Today when dck didn't come and I told the other kids he wasn't coming back, I actually teared up and had to leave the room for a minute. I will miss him terribly. Still did the right thing, though.

[Sugar Magnolia]

:hug::hug::hug: you did the right thing.

I'm going through this too! Despite a big discount, a client is still trying to pay late. I feel bad about it too, and really needed to read your post.

:hug::hug::hug:

[melilley]

No excuses. I have a single Mom who works two jobs, never pays me late, I give her discounted care and she used her tax refund to pay me for the difference. Being a single Mom is NOT an excuse and it's being played way too much!

I would feel bad, I can empathize without it compromising me though.

I was a single mom for a while. My dd's bio dad chose alcohol over us so I left and never have gotten child support. I did what I had to do. My dd had to go to dc and I had to figure out how to pay. Embarrassingly , I did get a little help, but since I was working full time, it wasn't much. I would feel horrible even asking a provider to discount their rate for me! And the thing about the tax return is true. Ever since I have been married (5 yrs.) my tax returns have never been as big as when I was single...not even close.