CPS Tried Shutting Me Down - TEXAS

[Sugar Magnolia]

Yes, that is what I thought...most people spank WHILE upset. I thought OP said she calmed down AFTER and then talked about it, which would make sense...

Child ran out into street, mom freaked...spanked him and now we are here.....

Hmmm, I re-read post #6 and read that as spanking after she calmed down and discussed. I don't think she would spank in front of all her church companions anyways, they might have reported it. Honestly, I don't think the op will be back anyways. Its quite sad, imo.

[TaylorTots]

I can only think of one bruise I have ever left on a child - my child fell off of a stepstool in the bathroom. I reached out and grabbed her to keep her from falling and getting hurt. She had a small dime size bruise from my hand on her arm. However, she didn't smash her head into the toliet, so I would do it again in a heartbeat.

So, I can't justify that bruising is never ok - but spanking sure as heck isn't.

I hope this is a troll and not an actual daycare provider. I would never send my children to someone who strikes children. There is never, never, never an ok reason to strike a child in any reason for discipline. You can call it a business cost since you need it to remain open, but honestly - consider a change of profession.

[MotherNature]

I don't see it. She did exactly what the bible suggested she do...spare the rod spoil the child. Religion ain't so pretty, therefore I don't attend and I don't spank my children.

This sentiment gets misinterpreted so often to advocate corporal punishment. Jesus is referred to like a shepherd..the rod is a shepherd's crook. Shepherds guide their sheep with it; they don't hit them. It's sad how many people use this verse as anything other than that..an urge to gently guide your children in life.

[Evansmom]

Actually I have read parenting books that advocate spanking and they do instruct parents never to spank out of anger but to do it as a punishment after the discussion. So if the OP subscribes to that belief then she would have in fact first had the discussion and then spanked as the punishment.

Disclaimer:I don't and have never spanked mine or any children. I'm not advocating it but I did research in college on it.

[Unregistered]

Nice post! I agree that posting our opinions/judgments is not helping anyone.

The poster is asking for help.

If we have any help or advice to give....I'm sure it would benefit not only her(OP) but her child as well.

.....on a side note, I read the time line as this: "The spanking was done thirty minutes after the incident, after I calmed down and we had our discussion"

My interpretation was "The spanking was done thirty minutes after the incident. PERIOD. After, I calmed down and we had our discussion."

So I viewed it as she spanked, THEN calmed down and THEN had the discussion.

Maybe OP will return so she can clarify.

The incident was the child running into a car - I calmed down for thirty minutes, and THEN spanked and had discussion. Not sure why them emphasis was on the fact that we were in a church parking lot? I would have done the same thing had it been walmart or ChuckECheese?

[Unregistered]

This is our families way of thinking.

I am not a troll, have been caring for children for 5+ years in a home daycare setting. I am on this board weekly, and have been very turned off by rude comments by people I had assumed might have some advice for us. I have many many pages of glowing recommendations from parents current and past and obviously would never spank a child who wasn't mine - or mine out of anger.

[Blackcat31]

The incident was the child running into a car - I calmed down for thirty minutes, and THEN spanked and had discussion. Not sure why them emphasis was on the fact that we were in a church parking lot? I would have done the same thing had it been walmart or ChuckECheese?

Thank you for the clarification.

I wasn't sure as to when the spanking occurred.

Your writing was filled with emotion and of course, all sorts of stuff running through your head I am sure.

Anyways, I wish I had advice for you but I have no idea how things work in Texas and I haven't ever been through something like this either so I can't comment on the licensing and/or appeals process either.

I do hope that you are finding the help you need through your attorney and please keep us posted as to what the outcome is. Even if the board this thread doesn't end up being helpful to you, it could be to a future reader.

Again, I am sorry you are going through this.

[Rockgirl]

This sentiment gets misinterpreted so often to advocate corporal punishment. Jesus is referred to like a shepherd..the rod is a shepherd's crook. Shepherds guide their sheep with it; they don't hit them. It's sad how many people use this verse as anything other than that..an urge to gently guide your children in life.

Yes--thank you for pointing this out!

[mom of 4]

I have planned spankings befor with older kids. They know it's coming and why. I am always calm when they're planned. My kids know I won't go nuts. It's 2 seats on the bottom and problem over. It is effective on them. They understand the difference between punishment and violence for the sake of violence. Too many kids now receive no real discipline and to their and others own detriment as u can see by the number of people who don't respect life or people and act severely entitled. The bible teaches spare the rod spoil the child for a reason. If parents raise their children w these values...religious our not...we might see a difference in behaviors in the long term that r positive. Executing spankings ir djscipline should be done w fully being in control of yourself the entire time. This is why we wait in noon-emergent situations. My kids r healthy well adjusted people, not spoiled and though we spank we also use positive reinforcements. It is combination pafenti.g techniques. We dont have to bruise.the kiddos ever. It will be something people may not agree with but it doesn't matter. What op got in trouble for was leaving a physical indication of the child's having been disciplined even after claiming she was calm when he was punished. She either wasn't as calm as she thought our didnt realize her own strength, the epitome of not being fully in control. Additionally,if ur a spanker dangerous situations are usually an immediate reaction to stake the child and get them to safety. Running in front of a car would be grounds for a then and there spanking, removal from that situation and an immediate talk. Danger is a no-wait situation. So idk ...the op made a big mistake. Had she spanked right away and told dhs it was due to danger...she probably wouldn't have been in so much hot water.the fact she admitted to waiting was probably a red flag more than the bruise itself. Most workers would excuse a bruise in a life or death situation as in this example,a bruised bottom is better than a child being run over. There was obviously more to the story

[mom of 4]

I have planned spankings befor with older kids. They know it's coming and why. I am always calm when they're planned. My kids know I won't go nuts. It's 2 seats on the bottom and problem over. It is effective on them. They understand the difference between punishment and violence for the sake of violence. Too many kids now receive no real discipline and to their and others own detriment as u can see by the number of people who don't respect life or people and act severely entitled. The bible teaches spare the rod spoil the child for a reason. If parents raise their children w these values...religious our not...we might see a difference in behaviors in the long term that r positive. Executing spankings ir djscipline should be done w fully being in control of yourself the entire time. This is why we wait in non emergent situations. My kids r healthy well adjusted people, not spoiled and though we spank we also use positive reinforcements. It is combination pafenti.g techniques. We dont have to bruise.the kiddos ever. It will be something people may not agree with but it doesn't matter. What op got in trouble for was leaving a physical indication of the child's having been disciplined even after claiming she was calm when he was punished. She either wasn't as calm as she thought our didnt realize her own strength, the epitome of not being fully in control. Additionally,if ur a spanker dangerous situations are usually an immediate reaction to startle the child and get them to safety. Running in front of a car would be grounds for a then and there spanking, removal from that situation and an immediate talk. Danger is a no-wait situation. So idk ...the op made a big mistake. Had she spanked right away and told dhs it was due to danger...she probably wouldn't have been in so much hot water.the fact she admitted to waiting was probably a red flag more than the bruise itself. Most workers would excuse a bruise in a life or death situation as in this example,a bruised bottom is better than a child being run over. There was obviously more to the story

sorry about the typis. Startle not stake a child... and non emergent not noon...

[mpb12]

"Normal" parental discipline does not include bruising your child! If my ex husband spanked one of our kids so hard it left a bruise, I would do the same thing!

Your anger and frustration should never be taken out on an innocent child. I'm sure this is just someone trying to start a spanking debate which I'm not going to get into,but bruises are not ok!

I agree with you...Oh my! If she lost her patience with her own child how can she take care someone elses child. She should find a different job this is not a job for her. I feel sorry for the poor child. Just because Texas Law says it`s ok to spank it does not mean you should do it. My husband punched my son and When I found out I went berserk and now we are divorcing.. No adult should bruise a child.

[maggieL]

I'm a former CPS worker and I'm not sure what the current rules and regs are but your name stays with the system until your child is 18 or so. I don't know how it works for Texas CPS but in NYC a mark on a child would result in an indicated finding and you would have to take some type of class at the very least. I'm not going to comment on the bruise, I wasn't there and you know what happened but now you have to live with the results of your actions. I am not sure how to provide advice since state to state there may be different rules/regs but with so many children dying and seriously injured there is a zero tolerance policy. It is something I would not wish for any parent to go through that did't deserve it. Once ACS is in your life it is very hard to get rid of them bc subsequent cases can be called in and this case will always be reviewed. Since you work with children this could effect your job.

[Heidi]

I'm a former CPS worker and I'm not sure what the current rules and regs are but your name stays with the system until your child is 18 or so. I don't know how it works for Texas CPS but in NYC a mark on a child would result in an indicated finding and you would have to take some type of class at the very least. I'm not going to comment on the bruise, I wasn't there and you know what happened but now you have to live with the results of your actions. I am not sure how to provide advice since state to state there may be different rules/regs but with so many children dying and seriously injured there is a zero tolerance policy. It is something I would not wish for any parent to go through that did't deserve it. Once ACS is in your life it is very hard to get rid of them bc subsequent cases can be called in and this case will always be reviewed. Since you work with children this could effect your job.

I understand this, too. Because almost every single time a child is seriously injured or killed by a parent, the media finds out that there were "numerous reports" to CPS that went unanswered, and all sort of "red flags" that were ignored.

I am NOT suggesting that OP is an abusive parent, or that she would seriously harm or hurt her child. I'm only saying that once you are on the CPS radar, they almost have to keep you there, and licensing has to assume that CPS is doing their job and act accordingly. Squeeky wheel and all.

[Heidi]

I agree with you...Oh my! If she lost her patience with her own child how can she take care someone elses child. She should find a different job this is not a job for her. I feel sorry for the poor child. Just because Texas Law says it`s ok to spank it does not mean you should do it. My husband punched my son and When I found out I went berserk and now we are divorcing.. No adult should bruise a child.

Ok...I am not a huge fan of spanking (although I've admittedly done it occasionally), and as I said earlier, am rather creeped out by planned spanking. Still, there is a HUGE difference between a spanking on the rear and PUNCHING a child! I'm also guessing that there was more to your divorce than one incident of him punching your little one.