Should I Tell My Parents?!

[mountainside13]

My daughter came to me this weekend and told me some disturbing news that an adult at her school was touching her inappropriately. I completely believe her and took her into her therapist and the therapist agrees that something is going on. We are making a report to DHS. The therapist said that I might want to inform my parents because this could get ugly. A Childcare provider/therapists making allegations (true or untrue) about an adult at school can get ugly. The media could get wind of it. Should I inform parents? It is such a sensitive subject and really personal. I can also see what she means by being proactive about it. So heart broken!

We pulled her out of school already and the school has been informed.

[daycare]

My daughter came to me this weekend and told me some disturbing news that an adult at her school was touching her inappropriately. I completely believe her and took her into her therapist and the therapist agrees that something is going on. We are making a report to DHS. The therapist said that I might want to inform my parents because this could get ugly. A Childcare provider/therapists making allegations (true or untrue) about an adult at school can get ugly. The media could get wind of it. Should I inform parents? It is such a sensitive subject and really personal. I can also see what she means by being proactive about it. So heart broken!

We pulled her out of school already and the school has been informed.

I am so so sorry to hear about this. Idon't know if I would tell the DCP just yet, it's really not any of their business and it may make your child feel uncomfortable to hear people talking about it in your home. I would not say anything unless asked. Will you have an attorney? You might want to ask them if you should discuss this so openly or not.

I understand being proactive, but I think I would not say anything unless asked. We went through something huge with my daughter on the internet last year that could have been very horrible for her to have to deal with. Kids at her school got arrested for what they did to her. I have parents that have kids at her school too, but I did not tell them about it, no one even asked.

It's up to you how you want to handle it but if it were me I would not be open to discuss this with families

[melilley]

I am so so sorry to hear about this. Idon't know if I would tell the DCP just yet, it's really not any of their business and it may make your child feel uncomfortable to hear people talking about it in your home. I would not say anything unless asked. Will you have an attorney? You might want to ask them if you should discuss this so openly or not.

I understand being proactive, but I think I would not say anything unless asked. We went through something huge with my daughter on the internet last year that could have been very horrible for her to have to deal with. Kids at her school got arrested for what they did to her. I have parents that have kids at her school too, but I did not tell them about it, no one even asked.

It's up to you how you want to handle it but if it were me I would not be open to discuss this with families

[preschoolteacher]

I wouldn't. It's heart wrenching for your daughter and not something I'd share unless you really need to. I would wait and see. Plus, if she's a minor, her identity should be protected and it would be a very long time before a court case in which you would get in the news. You'll probably have new parents by then.

[melilley]

So sorry your dd and you have to go through this! :hug:

I agree with pp though. I wouldn't tell parents either, especially since right now in the eyes of the law it's alleged and things could turn ugly if the accused person found out you were telling people. When/if it gets to the point of media attention, then maybe then I would mention it to parents.

I really hope that the authorities seriously look into this. I hope you called the police as well as dhs.

[mountainside13]

I am so so sorry to hear about this. Idon't know if I would tell the DCP just yet, it's really not any of their business and it may make your child feel uncomfortable to hear people talking about it in your home. I would not say anything unless asked. Will you have an attorney? You might want to ask them if you should discuss this so openly or not.

I understand being proactive, but I think I would not say anything unless asked. We went through something huge with my daughter on the internet last year that could have been very horrible for her to have to deal with. Kids at her school got arrested for what they did to her. I have parents that have kids at her school too, but I did not tell them about it, no one even asked.

It's up to you how you want to handle it but if it were me I would not be open to discuss this with families

I honestly have no clue if we will need an attorney! I have never had to do this before so I don't know yet. I keep going back and forth on to say something or not. Thank you for the support! We are feeling pretty alone right now!

So sorry your daughter went through that!!!!

[Michael]

Sorry for you and your daughter. You may wish to keep it private.

If you wanted to tell your parents you could simply tell them that an issue with your daughter at school occurred and you informed DHS. Its a private matter that may become public and you wanted them to be aware of it in case it does.

I know it will spike their curiosity but tell them that is all you can say on the matter until its resolved. I think they will relate and understand.

[NeedaVaca]

You should be reporting this to the police asap

[mountainside13]

I wouldn't. It's heart wrenching for your daughter and not something I'd share unless you really need to. I would wait and see. Plus, if she's a minor, her identity should be protected and it would be a very long time before a court case in which you would get in the news. You'll probably have new parents by then.

I didn't think about it that way ! Great point!!! A lot of my kids are older so they will go to school fall 2015.

So sorry your dd and you have to go through this! :hug:

I agree with pp though. I wouldn't tell parents either, especially since right now in the eyes of the law it's alleged and things could turn ugly if the accused person found out you were telling people. When/if it gets to the point of media attention, then maybe then I would mention it to parents.

I really hope that the authorities seriously look into this. I hope you called the police as well as dhs.

Thank you!! We also notified police. I really hope they take it seriously! From the reading I have done and talking to the therapist most cases nothing happens

[Crazy8]

no I would not tell DCP's at this time and I would be calling the police immediately. You need more than just a therapist to fight this. I have a friend who went thru something like this and it was much harder to fight than you would expect.

my thoughts are with you and your daughter as you deal with this.

[Play Care]

Rather than tell dcp's I would call your licensor to let them know. I don't even know how much detail you need to give but a general overview (your own child was the victim of a crime at SCHOOL (stress it was at school not the day home) DHS and police are involved, etc.) and it was suggested you give licensing a heads up in case the alleged criminal makes counter allegations.

I am so sorry you are dealing with this!!

[Starburst]

Personally, unless in the cases where the DCPs have children in that school and have classes or is in regular contact with that adult (and you suspect their child has been hurt by this person), it's not really their business. Plus, later on this can cause issues if the school or accused can claim that you spread lies (slander) about them.

This is a personal matter between your family and the school, and an especially personal issue for your daughter; I doubt she would want all your daycare parents to know she was touched inappropriately (many children in this situation are embarrassed enough to tell their own parent- it's a miracle she even said anything); telling everyone about her personal business may scar her and make her feel like people are talking about her and the situation behind her back. Not to mention, either way rumors are going to spread but you still have a chance of protecting your daughter's identity if you don't tell the daycare parents (who may tell friends, who tell more friends until the whole town knows). But if you strongly believe your DCPs should know, I would first ask your daughter before telling others about something that personal.

Remember a therapist is NOT a lawyer (they actually shouldn't even be giving you legal advice). As someone who has depression/anxiety issues, I'm actually really surprised a therapist would even suggest this considering how sensitive of a subject this is. I suggest maybe looking into a different therapist/councilor.

[daycare]

Personally, unless in the cases where the DCPs have children in that school and have classes or is in regular contact with that adult (and you suspect their child has been hurt by this person), I say it's not really their business.

This is a personal matter between your family and the school, and an especially personal issue for your daughter; I doubt she would want all your daycare parents to know she was touched inappropriately (many children in this situation are embarrassed enough to tell their own parent); doing so may scar her and make her feel like people are talking about it behind her back. Not to mention, either way rumors are going to spread but you still have a chance of protecting your daughter's identity if you don't tell the daycare parents (who may tell friends, who tell more friends). But if you strongly believe your DCPs should know, I would first ask your daughter before telling others about something that personal.

I would not do this.....the school will be be required to announce the matter. At that time they will ask all parents to talk to their children and for those to come forward that need to. I would not try to handle this. take care of your daughter and get her all the help that you can. My daughter has been in counseling for over a year now and I support her in it. I let the school take care of everything else.

[Starburst]

Personally, unless in the cases where the DCPs have children in that school and have classes or is in regular contact with that adult (and you suspect their child has been hurt by this person), it's not really their business.

This is a personal matter between your family and the school, and an especially personal issue for your daughter; I doubt she would want all your daycare parents to know she was touched inappropriately (many children in this situation are embarrassed enough to tell their own parent- it's a miracle she even said anything); telling everyone about her personal business may scar her and make her feel like people are talking about her and the situation behind her back. Not to mention, either way rumors are going to spread but you still have a chance of protecting your daughter's identity if you don't tell the daycare parents (who may tell friends, who tell more friends until the whole town knows). But if you strongly believe your DCPs should know, I would first ask your daughter before telling others about something that personal.

I would not do this..... the school will be be required to announce the matter. At that time they will ask all parents to talk to their children and for those to come forward that need to. I would not try to handle this. take care of your daughter and get her all the help that you can. My daughter has been in counseling for over a year now and I support her in it. I let the school take care of everything else.

I'm confused... are you disagreeing with me? Because I basically just said what you are saying...?

[daycare]

I'm confused... are you disagreeing with me? Because I basically just said what you are saying...?

what I was disagreeing with is even saying anything to the parents that have children in that school. the school will make sure that everyone is kept safe and will remove that person.