"Bad Guy Touched My Bottom"

[SunshineMama]

Today, 3.5 yr old dcg was playing dolls with my daughter. My daughter was pretending to be the mom, and dcg was playing with the doll. DCG started saying, "Bad guy touched my bottom," over and over. My dd laughed and started repeating it as well. I asked her why she said that, and she told me that she just wanted to make my daughter laugh. I told them that this was a serious topic, and that we could not laugh about it. She asked me if she could pretend that at her house, and I told her I didn't think so, and that she could talk to her mom about it. I also asked her if anyone touched her bottom and she said no. I told the girls that no one is allowed to touch their bottoms, and that they need to tell mommy if that ever happens.

I am going to send mom an email shortly detailing the incident.

What else do I need to do? I was under the impression that dcg was joking around- her family is a nice Christian family and I have never had any suspicion that anything bad could be going on. She also did not touch the doll, she was just saying the words and laughing.

I don't know why a child would laugh about that- maybe because bottoms are silly? I know kids say some strange things. I am disturbed by this whole incident though.

Please share your thoughts on this.

[SunshineMama]

**bumping up**

Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Is it normal play or am I over-reacting? I have never dealt with this before.

[SilverSabre25]

I bet there was a good touch/bad touch discussion at home.

[SunshineMama]

Hopefully that's it!

[Laurel]

Today, 3.5 yr old dcg was playing dolls with my daughter. My daughter was pretending to be the mom, and dcg was playing with the doll. DCG started saying, "Bad guy touched my bottom," over and over. My dd laughed and started repeating it as well. I asked her why she said that, and she told me that she just wanted to make my daughter laugh. I told them that this was a serious topic, and that we could not laugh about it. She asked me if she could pretend that at her house, and I told her I didn't think so, and that she could talk to her mom about it. I also asked her if anyone touched her bottom and she said no. I told the girls that no one is allowed to touch their bottoms, and that they need to tell mommy if that ever happens.

I am going to send mom an email shortly detailing the incident.

What else do I need to do? I was under the impression that dcg was joking around- her family is a nice Christian family and I have never had any suspicion that anything bad could be going on. She also did not touch the doll, she was just saying the words and laughing.

I don't know why a child would laugh about that- maybe because bottoms are silly? I know kids say some strange things. I am disturbed by this whole incident though.

Please share your thoughts on this.

It might be nothing but I'd tell the parents just to be on the safe side.

Laurel

[BrooklynM]

I bet there was a good touch/bad touch discussion at home.

I agree! I think it's nearly impossible to explain to a child the severity of it, but the most important thing is that they would never feel ashamed or uncomfortable to come forward and tell a grown up. My mother was sexually abused by her grandfather and she counseled other women on this and talked a lot about the importance of making a child feel comfortable talking about it. Most of the time when a small child is abused it will be by a close friend or family member.

I'm not concerned by this at all. It's great to know she's comfortable with knowing about bad touching. If we approach topics such as this and body parts as taboo, then it can bring a lot of shame and secretiveness. I've always used real body part words, been completely open and candid about things and as a result I have a teenager that was so open and honest with me, and a 12 year old boy that doesn't get embarrassed by going to the store with me to get her sister maxi pads. He knows all about how periods work and I know if a girl at his school ever starts her period, my son will know that's just nature, she can't help it, it's not gross, etc.


Sorry, I'm rambling! 2 cups of coffee today! Lol

[daycare]

my rule.......the first time I hear something like this I just say lets use nice words and pay no attention to it. However, I have my ears wide open

If I hear it again, I will jump in pull the child aside and ask some questions...

depending on how the questions are asked and if I see other signs I will mention it other wise kids are just beingt silly

[Josiegirl]

Yeh, I wouldn't jump to conclusions. My first thought was they'd heard all the 'be careful' warnings. It's talked about a lot now, which is definitely a good thing. But then you get a play remark like this and let's face it, anything to do with private parts or bottoms or the like, can be a funny topic for kidplay. I do agree with mentioning it to dcm though.

[daycarediva]

I would mention it to the parents, but I am assuming there was a 'bad touch' convo at home as well.

[CraftyMom]

I would mention it to the parents, but I am assuming there was a 'bad touch' convo at home as well.

I'm thinking the same thing, but mention to mom anyway.

Parents might have told her to tell an adult "bad guy touched my bottom" if it ever happened.

And yes, at this age bottoms are hilarious to them! I don't know why but they crack up!

[Play Care]

I agree with the idea that there was probably the bad touch convo. In my experience kids find their "bottoms" hilarious. Poop, gas, booty shaking, etc are all cause for giggles so mom and dad may have had the discussion but she is either too young or too immature to grasp the fact that a bad guy touching your bottom would not be something to laugh/ giggle about. And honestly, I have 8 dck's and 2 of my own and they all would probably have giggled about that initially

ETA: I want to be clear that I am in no way implying that the parents shouldn't have had the convo with the child - it's wonderful that they did and it should continue to be discussed. I reread my responses and felt it sounded as though I meant she was too young/ immature for the convo and that's not what I meant just that because she is young/ immature it may cause some giggling.

[Cat Herder]

I agree with PP's

Sounds like a "good touch, bad touch" conversation that is viewed as funny to the kids.

It was even a huge laugh at a recent kids film...

[BabyLuver21]

When I explained good v bad touch, my kids knew it was serious. However, they are still kids, and still very immature.

My 6yo slaps her butt and screams "Shake it shake it" and then laughs about her privates. She thinks that it's "gross" and funny, and no amount of telling her it's just her body makes her think that anywhere pee pee and poo poo comes out of ISN'T gross. She thinks farting, armpit noises, talking about butts, pointing out things is hilarious. But, she DOES listen to us. As immature as she is, we sometimes periodically get serious with her and have the talk since telling kids something once never gets heard, we know it's stuff they need to talk about more than once or twice; and she really DOES know. Her and the boys are incredibly immature. Not that I think that'll change much, but I hope that this immaturity and openness shows that they could talk to me no matter what. It's a good thing the DCK seems comfortable enough to be shouting it out and not get quiet or weird when you asked why she was saying those things.

I would probably talk with mom about the incident, and then she may even tell you that they had the talk.

Keep in mind, though, it's always wise to have your eyes and ears open either way.

[melilley]

One of my 3 yo's poked my husband in his private area and laughed and said "potty poke"!

I freaked out and called mom right away.

Turns out that over the weekend her and her brother were wrestling around and she accidentally hit him in that area and he made a huge deal out of it. Mom said she would talk to her and I never saw or heard her do that again.

Sometimes they just pick up on things or something like what I described happens and and it sticks in their heads. If the parents acted weird or stammered around about it, I would have been suspicious.

[Starburst]

What else do I need to do? I was under the impression that dcg was joking around- her family is a nice Christian family and I have never had any suspicion that anything bad could be going on.

At the risk of sparking a huge debate (which is not my intention at all), being "a nice religious family" (not picking on any one religion) doesn't necessarily mean that they are what they appear to be. Abuser are never obvious and often are the people you least suspect; after all, no one in their right mind would admit if they do something that is frowned upon by society. In fact, contrary to popular belief, many psychopaths are not "outcasts" or "loners" but actually fit in very well in society and sometimes even have very good reputations as being charming and outgoing to manipulate their victim and others around them. http://chericola57.tripod.com/infinite.html.

I'm not at all saying that your family is like this, just that you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover; every library has secrets (good or bad).