Behavior at Pick Up

[tenderhearts]

I have a dcb who is 5. He is for the most part a really good kid. He's very smart, witty and everyone likes him. He has his moments like any of us. However lately the last couple months in particular pick ups are just getting worse. He immediately decides NOT to listen or follow directions. I've had talks with him numerous times well daily basis about how he needs to act when his mom is here, he does ok for a couple days then it's back to the same things. I would do a time out but that means they would have to stay longer and plus I feel mom should be putting he foot down more. She just says listen, you're not following directions with a little sternness in her voice but he ignores it. SO my question is he is 5 he knows better and he knows what consequences are, they can earn a "treat" for the day so would it be wrong to tell him if he doesn't behave when his mom is here he will lose his treat the next day? which I just did that a couple days ago seemed to work because he was good yesterday then here today comes and he wasn't good, not quite as bad but still wasn't really following directions. Anyways so I was thinking that maybe since he watches a movie at quiet time telling him if he doesn't behave then he wont get to watch the movie the next day, he'll just have to rest like everyone else. Do you think that would be ok for a 5 year old??? I know he knows and remembers what he does.

thanks

[Abigail]

What exactly does he do at pick up time? If it's really bad, you should tell him mom you will call her later tonight (whenever you see her again....this way you can claim the time you spent on the phone as working hours, LOL) and then discuss with her why she thinks he acts out at pick-up time. If it is just a recent thing, maybe there is something going on to trigger the attitude.

[bgmeyers]

I have a 3 year old who did this for a while. He loves Elmo and is allowed about 20 minutes of TV in the morning while waiting for his friends. He's the first arrival who isn't an infant. I just told him that there will be no Elmo in the morning if he doesn't behave at pu. Told him I expected him to get his coat, say goodbye and go out the door when his mother arrives. No fussing, no argueing, no back talk.
Two days of tears and he has never acted up at pu again.
I believe that in some cases it works to carry over discipline from day to day, if the child is intellegent enough and can get it. At 5, your dcb can get it.

[tenderhearts]

He just starts getting really really silly, he will run and hide in the closet which he's not suppose to be in the closet, he keeps running back into the daycare room with his shoes on and he knows no shoes on my carpet, he will run out there and do things to the other kids like get in their face when he knows they don't like it, just a bunch of things he knows he isn't suppose to do. I need to get his mom out the door, she comes in and stands there and I try to say ok have a good evening but if she needs to tell me something like what time she'll be picking up the following day we just get interrupted by her son who is misbehaving so it takes longer to get it out and it just gets harder and harder with him and longer. She see's others come in grab the stuff and say how was today as they are getting it and ok have a great evening they are gone. He definetly knows he's not listening.
Mom and i talked about it today because when he wasn't listening I reminded him that he needed to follow directions and she said seems like it's gotten worse since they told him he will be having a baby brother or sister. I have noticed longer than that, but maybe at home he's different.
I think I'll take his movie away tomorrow since he knows I was going to do that if he misbehaved again, something has to change, it was even making my husband mad today and he wasn't even a part of it and he generally likes this boy.

[Lucy]

I have a 3 year old who did this for a while. He loves Elmo and is allowed about 20 minutes of TV in the morning while waiting for his friends. He's the first arrival who isn't an infant. I just told him that there will be no Elmo in the morning if he doesn't behave at pu. Told him I expected him to get his coat, say goodbye and go out the door when his mother arrives. No fussing, no argueing, no back talk.
Two days of tears and he has never acted up at pu again.
I believe that in some cases it works to carry over discipline from day to day, if the child is intellegent enough and can get it. At 5, your dcb can get it.

I agree with this and did something similar myself. I had three who were like 3 1/2 to just turned 5 and when parents were here (whether it was their's or someone else's) they would use that time to yell and run and do everything they know they're not supposed to. They were well-behaved during the day, but knew that I was distracted at this time and would take advantage of it. I told them that if this happens -- even if it was only one of them doing it -- they would all get privileges taken away the next day. Didn't take long and it stopped.

[missnikki]

messed up quote- reposted response below

[missnikki]

"...and she said seems like it's gotten worse since they told him he will be having a baby brother or sister. I have noticed longer than that, but maybe at home he's different."

It may be possible that they didn't tell him but they knew, and have been acting differently. I know I did when I found out I was preggers. That is something he could have picked up on. Sounds like he's acting out for attention if he is doing the things he is clearly NOT supposed to do. He needs to be told what his expectations are, eye-to-eye and as close to pickup as possible.

[tenderhearts]

missnikki, actually she did the test, told her mother n law first because she was there then her husband then her son, kind of all in the same moment, basically she found out told. The last week I talk with him before mom comes and tell him he needs to behave, cooperate and follow directions, no running around ect, I've told him what the consequences would be, he did it I think tuesday at pick up so when he came wed. morning I immediately told him since he didn't follow directions at pick up he wouldn't be able to earn his special treat for that day, I told him if it continued he would not be able to watch the movie at quiet time being that's a priveledge, he was good that day at pickup. So yesterday we were getting ready to go outside about an hour before his mom got here and I told him if we go outside he needs to cooperate when his mom gets here and he said ok. Well obviously that didn't happen. I will have a talk with him to tell him since he didn't behave his movie will be taken away. He's 5 so is that ok to do? I know a couple people said they thought it was for a 5 yr old I just want to be sure. Something needs to be done or it wont ever stop.

[missnikki]

Ah, I see what you mean about the pregnancy thing.

And I agree about the consequences being held over for the next day. He needs to be told at the time he's running around that he is losing his chance to (blank) tomorrow because he is making the choice not to listen right now.

[tenderhearts]

Yup done that, he STILLL doesn't listen, well it stops him in his tracks and he "calms" a bit but still isnt' fully co operative, better but still not listening.