I Need Tons Of Advice On Terminating!

[CraftyMom]

This may be long, but it is involved, sorry!

I'm having trouble with a family, 2 dck's 5months and 2 years, and I want to term but don't want to do it the wrong way, I hate this part! The trouble isn't so much the kids, but the mom.

I took on an infant in Nov, at the time 3 months old, breastfed. Mom wasn't honest from the start. I was told she took the bottle great. 3 days before start date, mom emails and says "I hope she has a good first day, she certainly isn't used to the bottle!" This made me nervous. At drop off the first day mom says "we tried a bottle on Saturday and she refused it. I'll come on my lunch to feed her". This is the first time I encountered this type of thing, not sure what I should have done but I can't have a baby who won't eat. The baby weighed 10 lbs, at 3 months, a peanut. She barely ate for me for 2 whole months! Mom never came by to feed her. I keep a log of her feedings, there are days where I spent my whole day trying to feed her, she only ate half ounce to an ounce at a time, for a total of 4-6 ounces for the whole day. One day I had 14 entries in an 8 hour day! And I had 4 other 2 year olds to care for! I contacted my licensor after a couple weeks when mom started suggesting it was my fault baby didn't eat and was under weight. (doctor form shows that baby was underweight before starting here and on vitamins). Licensor said I should not have taken the baby with no way to eat and relying on mom to come feed her doesn't work bc mom may get busy at work not able to leave, etc. It also took mom a whole month to give me dr forms and only brought them when I said baby couldn't return without them. Aside from that baby is not a good sleeper, 10-20 min at a time, also apparently my fault. Things were good for a while aside from mom's "suggestions" all the time about how I should do things and stating at least 6 times in 2 months that she used to be a nanny and her sister used to run a daycare. Lots of "suggestions" always with a plastered on patronizing smile, from how to give her a nap, to how to feed her, etc. I have 3 children, 11 nieces and nephews and run a daycare, this isn't my first time at bat! Baby now is 5 months and eats very well after A LOT of patience on my part, mom takes the credit for it, whatever. (she nurses at home, no bottle)

Baby has a 2 year old brother at another daycare, they don't take infants so they kept him there and baby came here. In Jan boy started coming here, too much traveling in am to two places. My gut said don't take him but I didn't listen, needed to fill a spot, foolish! My gut was right! Mom went on and on about he's so smart for his age, wonderful at sharing, gets along with everyone, blah blah blah. All false. It's been 3 weeks and I can't deal with mom anymore. She's now making "suggestions" all the time about dcb, wanting me to make exceptions for him such as letting him sleep in a bedroom upstairs (no dck's are allowed in our bedrooms), giving him extra snack, ummmm no. Mom also suggests that his not sharing is my fault, his not pooping is my fault (potty trained but only poops in a diaper and only at home) Also his whining, defiance and saying no all the time is also the other dck's fault and he learned from them according to her. I explained that not only did he do those things when he started here, it is also normal 2 year old behavior and also he JUST switched daycares! (Mom was complaining after 4 days). She's always making suggestions and asks a million questions. I'm sure she means well, looking out for her kids, wants the best for them. But it doesn't come across very well. It comes across as if she doesn't trust me. I don't feel comfortable taking care of children if I'm not trusted. I don't want her to feel like she can't ask questions or that I won't take her suggestions into consideration, it's just the way she does it. Parents have the right to ask about their child's day I would too, but she gets TOO detailed about EVERYTHING. She is constantly judging. Also, it's been 3 weeks (5 counting the 2 weeks given to his previous daycare) and still no dr forms! Again! I just went through this with her a month ago with the baby. Now I'm wondering if there's something she's not telling me about him.

Also, mom compares me to dcb's previous daycare a lot, but there is no comparison, it is not equal. There he was the youngest and there was an assistant and no babies. Here he now has 3 other 2 year olds to compete with. I also have the baby and no helper. It is a totally different environment here.

My issue is that I can't deal with this everyday, I have been having horrible headaches since he started, not coincidence I'm sure. Dcb is aggressive and all day long tells me "No, I not listen" and will stare at me and do exactly what I nicely asked him not to do as if in a challenging way. Yes, 2 year old behavior, but my other 2 year olds do not behave the way he does and THEY are starting to mimic HIS behavior, mom makes it look the other way around. The mom's constant judging and questioning with now 2 of her children in my care is just too much. I do not have these issues with any other family. I can handle the 2 year old behavior, I can not handle the mom's behavior. She has made so many comments and I just bite my tongue bc I don't want to say the wrong thing.

Also, my own 2 year old son wants to spend much of the day in his room , he clashes with dcb. I can not have my own child so uncomfortable in his home that he hides all day.

My contract gives a 3 week trial period. Yesterday marked dcb's 3 weeks. I'd like to say something like "At the end of dcb's 3 week trial I see that it may not be a good fit". Not sure how to word it all since I will be losing 2 kids and don't want to say anything wrong.

Just stinks bc I have 4 dck's so this is half of my income and I have no one else lined up.

What do I do???

[Babyluver21]

Dear (DCM),

As you know, we have a three week trial with your son that we have just completed as of (x date). Because he has not adjusted very well here, I feel it is best that you find alternate arrangements for him. Additionally, I will be unable to continue with (dcbaby) anymore as well. Things are simply not working out well within the group. I have enjoyed having (dck's) here and wish you all the best. If you need a couple extra days of child care this week while you seek alternate arrangements, I will charge you by the day and payment can be due each morning. Otherwise, care is officially terminated effective (date). Extended daily care will end on (date). Thank you for your understanding,


Tired and frustrated but awesome provider


I wouldn't elaborate that you don't feel trusted, or that you think she's not being forthcoming. Short/simple/sweet and done. I know you don't have anyone else right now, but if you let this continue, and if your hunch is right (and she doesn't trust you) she could already be ready to make trouble for you. Make sure you call licensing before you hand her the letter so that they are aware of the situation in case she tries to cause drama. The woman has blamed you for ALL her children's problems so far...It isn't going to get better OR easier, til you cut her and her kids loose. ((((HUG))))

[Josiegirl]

If you can possibly cut back to save money while you fill their spots, I'd term. It sounds like you're never going to have anywhere near a good provider-parent relationship and it will be problems the whole way through. IF you do term just write her a short letter telling her you're not able to fill the family's needs. You don't have to elaborate. And honestly, terming will give you such a sense of peace and contentment, worth more than any amount of money.

[Evansmom]

Honestly I wouldn't explain too much. Need to be short and sweet because you know nothing you say will make DCM feel ok with the term. She may be mad but you can not go on like this. I would avoid saying anything negative about her children or her but just write something like this:

DCM,

I am no longer able to provide daycare for your family. The last day of care will be (insert date here).

Thank you,
You

If she asks questions just say that your program isn't a good fit and leave it at that. Then notify your licensor in case DCM decides to get rude about it.

It's going to be ok! And you're going to feel so much better when you get some kids that fit your program.

[providerandmomof4]

Honestly I wouldn't explain too much. Need to be short and sweet because you know nothing you say will make DCM feel ok with the term. She may be mad but you can not go on like this. I would avoid saying anything negative about her children or her but just write something like this:

DCM,

I am no longer able to provide daycare for your family. The last day of care will be (insert date here).

Thank you,
You

If she asks questions just say that your program isn't a good fit and leave it at that. Then notify your licensor in case DCM decides to get rude about it.

It's going to be ok! And you're going to feel so much better when you get some kids that fit your program.

I agree. Also, I know how time consuming a baby that young can be...even if they eat well...I can't imagine your frustration, and exhaustion. And that poor baby...sad. Mom needs to figure something else out.

[Michael]

Some termination letter threads: https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.p...ination+letter

[renodeb]

I agree with the others, I like babyluver21 's letter. Don't over explain. Use your trial period and term them. Theres a saying in child care "not all money is good money" and I think it fits here. I have had to term some kids along the way and each time it left a bad taste in my mouth but I was so glad that I did it. I felt more like this: happyface after they left!

[CraftyMom]

Thank you everyone, I will keep it short and to the point Ugh I hate this part!

I've only termed once before and it was for purposely harming others, destructive behavior, telling me he wants to shoot me with a gun so I'll die and purposely peeing on my living room rug, yes you read that right! And all these things on the same day, during the first week, so it was a no-brainer to term!

[Kabob]

Thank you everyone, I will keep it short and to the point Ugh I hate this part!

I've only termed once before and it was for purposely harming others, destructive behavior, telling me he wants to shoot me with a gun so I'll die and purposely peeing on my living room rug, yes you read that right! And all these things on the same day, during the first week, so it was a no-brainer to term!

If it makes you feel any better, I just went through the same thing (baby with issues, baby's older sibling with issues and mom was blaming me instead of following my policies). I termed and instantly the stress was relieved. I didn't realize how much it was affecting not just me but also my family. It is not fun but it's worth trimming the stress for the sake of everyone.

[babyluver 21]

I had a kid whose stepmom was.pregnant. she sd she hated the baby and was gonna smother.the.baby w a blanket and kill it. That kid's mother had issues. She.had tried.to underpay and then told her kid to tell my kid that her mom was ugly and stupid....yeah that says a lot abt that parent as a person and explained why her kid was such a brat

[JLH]

Definitely make sure to call your licensor before terminating to give her a head's up. Other than that, I would just say that the kids aren't adjusting well and are requiring more attention than you're able to give and still meet the needs of the other children in care.
I recently lost a family where the mom didn't trust us and the kid's last day here was such a sigh of relief. There is little worse than a daycare mom that doesn't trust you. The kid was very naughty too. He was very much an only child. In the end, I was spending half my day documenting his behavior for his mom. Every time he got in trouble for ANYTHING I had to document because of the mom. Otherwise, he'd tell her he was in trouble at daycare and I'd get a text at night asking everything that happened. It was beyond ridiculous! He also stubbed his toe once while throwing a tantrum and blamed it on my hubby. It made it so my hubby (my assistant) is now afraid to do anything to help with the daycare kids that involves touching them, which really increases my work load. I'd say that with the trial period just ending and the paperwork being incomplete, now is probably the best opportunity you will get to term without looking like it may be your fault that it didn't work out.
As for the openings, advertise, advertise, advertise! Craigslist, Facebook groups, offer discounts to current clients if they bring in new customers ($100 off tuition for any new client referrals, discount applied once the enrollment process is complete), hang signs around town, ask coffee shops and businesses if they will rent out their billboard to you, etc. Good luck!!!