Balancing Family and Daycare

[My3cents]

How does everyone balance family and daycare? I have a hard time with it. I spend all day taking care of 5 or 6 children including my 2 year old. When my two oldest kids come home from school I have 7 or 8. It don't have to tell anyone here how hectic it can get! By the time the last child leaves I am exhausted a frazzled to say the least, and I still have my 3 kids to care for and feed and get into bed. I feel like I have the job that never ends! At the end of the work day I don't leave my job I live in it! I have very little patience for my own kids because I'm just done by then. Its not fair to them and I don't know how to change that

I think because you have kids you have left a part of yourself that you need to find again. Hubby or family member help you out, get out of the house do something for you, have something to look forward to doing. Find yourself and what makes you happy. Let little stuff go. Tone it down a bit and treat yourself the same way a working parent would and concentrate on your kiddo's and your home, turn off daycare and just be Mommy, Wife, yourself. Get out of the house for a bit, take a walk, go shopping, coffee shop whatever floats your boat. I know exercise has given me more energy to not be a coach potato come the end of the day when I am done daycare. Take turns with hubby on who's night it is to do most of the care with the kids. Three kids, take one and do something for some one on one. Just have to find your happiness. It would be not much different if you worked outside of the home, still the same stresses of being needed as a parent.
Best- and a hug for you:hug:

[Annalee]

I think because you have kids you have left a part of yourself that you need to find again. Hubby or family member help you out, get out of the house do something for you, have something to look forward to doing. Find yourself and what makes you happy. Let little stuff go. Tone it down a bit and treat yourself the same way a working parent would and concentrate on your kiddo's and your home, turn off daycare and just be Mommy, Wife, yourself. Get out of the house for a bit, take a walk, go shopping, coffee shop whatever floats your boat. I know exercise has given me more energy to not be a coach potato come the end of the day when I am done daycare. Take turns with hubby on who's night it is to do most of the care with the kids. Three kids, take one and do something for some one on one. Just have to find your happiness. It would be not much different if you worked outside of the home, still the same stresses of being needed as a parent.
Best- and a hug for you:hug:

Letting things go was hard for me. I am an OCD person so going to bed with all clothes/dishes washed and everything in order was the norm for me....WELLL, that has all changed. I now watch hoarders to feel better. :: Seriously, let things go. My sons and I go to jh and high school basketball games, play in the yard, walk in the afternoons, go to movies, have a movie night in pjs at home.....just anything to de-stress a little. My house is lived-in but no longer immaculate and that is OK with me. WE ARE MUCH HAPPIER!

[melilley]

Let little stuff go.

I need to work on this.

[My3cents]

Thank you everyone. It is so hard! I would love more than anything to set up daycare in our basement since it is such a great space! However we need to install an exit first which will be very costly. I think that getting daycare out of our living space would greatly help, then at the end of the day I will actually "leave" work. The pros definitely out weigh the cons. I just have to figure out how to make it work. I need to set aside time specifically for my kids, not always easy with the few hours left to the day. Also I need to be sure parents pick up on time and then leave I currently have a mom with two children in my care and she lingers, cuddling and asking how their day was etc. This goes on for 15 minutes while I'm making hints like getting coats on and saying see you tomorrow to the kids. I realize parents miss their kids but at the end of the day I'm ready to be done and it cuts into my time. I feel bad, but she can cuddle them and ask about their day at home. I'm hoping this forum will if nothing else ease my mind a bit, knowing I'm not the only one!

you need to tell this parent. I had one of these and I just had to be blunt and help her to understand that unless I come to her with a problem the little has had a good day. They are not going to get a blow by blow when they start school. I had to tell this parent, I want my day to end too and as much as I love talking to you I need to make pick ups short so that I can get on with my family time. No your not the only one, but you have ways of fixing a lot of your issues.

Even when your daycare is outside of your home, you still have to go home to another set of duties- kind of can be like double duty. I suggest you ask your significant other to step up and help you out as much as possible so you don't head for burn out. Honestly tomorrow is another day. If you don't get something done the only person you have to explain yourself too is you. Learn to let little stuff go. Using your time wise is also a big help. Have the kids pick up 20 minutes before going home, take out an activity that can be picked up in no time as your saying by to the kids and parents.

This forum is a great help and someone mentioned having a mentor that is also a wonderful thing too-
Best-

[My3cents]

One of the best pieces of advice I ever got when I first ventured into this profession was to make CLEAR boundaries as to what MY job duties were and what the PARENT'S job duties were and then don't let them blur.

lovethislovethis

I always add this too, because it is so so so so so true!

[My3cents]

I too decided to take 5 kids instead of 6, part of my "de-stressing plan". It definitely helps! That one extra kid is sometimes enough to send me over the edge some days, regardless of who it is! Then when my kids get home from school the stress level intensifies. One less kid eases some of this

and sometimes it is not the extra kid but the kid itself and the personality. Knowing this helps- I had one that I hung onto, and my program is so much better now that I don't have that one kiddo. Not overly bad enough to term but just a button pusher and depleted my energy everyday. I had nothing left come the end of the day.

Best-

[Jack Sprat]

I know this sounds crazy, but I balance things out with my ex-husband and his wife. They have 2 kids together and he and I have 2 kids together. I watch their 2 babies full time and we all help each other out. For example, my sons step mom is taking him to the doctor right now, she was able to take off a couple of hours to take him.

I'm so thankful for what we have. My ex-husband is not a bad guy and we had a cordial divorce with 50/50 custody and we live about a mile and a half apart. He chose an amazing woman as his new wife and she has an amazing family that also helps out.

My life isn't perfect, but I feel blessed everyday by how much support I have and how much love my kids get. I'm not saying that you should get divorced, but it takes a village so feel free to ask for help from your kids friends' parents, etc.

happyface This made me smile!

I had/have a hard time with this as well. As far as cleaning goes. I love to clean and find it a huge stress relief so that doesn't bother me. I do feel sometimes that I have so little to give my own DD's. I am very fortunate and thankful to have a husband that see's all the pro's and con's of having an in-home daycare. He is VERY supportive of me needing just 5 minutes at lunch and at the end of the day to have a mental break. He is often telling me to go do things on my own. Our dd's have admitted they feel like they come last sometimes when daycare is open. Yet, they both said that I am happier then when I was teaching full time, and they love having me home. I think balance comes with time and you will find what works best for you. I also go to bed by 8:30. Not always sleeping, but we use this time to cuddle with the dd's, I read, or watch Downton Abbey on my Kindle. When it's nice out I will sit on the deck with the kids till their bedtime etc.

I'm pretty much over parents getting upset about my dd's illness, dr. apt etc. If they don't like it then obviously my program won't be able to meet their needs. One more thing, I have 4 full time and 3 part time. Smaller numbers works best for me.

[DaisyMamma]

I was like you last year. Totally exhausted. Never wanted to do anything on the weekend's because the week was so hard. My kids missed me terribly. We were all miserable.
In the end I realized I had too many kids. I worked too much. I switched to part time hours. I'm only open 3 days a week and now I have only two dcks.
This won't work for everyone, but perhaps just consider cutting out a difficult child, or closing a little earlier. Hire a helper, or a housecleaner. Or get take out a couple of times a week and try to relax and make family time special time.

[CraftyMom]

Yet, they both said that I am happier then when I was teaching full time, and they love having me home.

I'm pretty much over parents getting upset about my dd's illness, dr. apt etc. If they don't like it then obviously my program won't be able to meet their needs.

My kids also say that they love having me home and I am "nicer" I used to work 3 nights a week, leaving at 4pm and saturdays. I wouldn't see the kids all day on these days since they were in school (besides my now 2 year old). It was a stress in itself. Daycare is a different kind of stress.

I am working on not letting parents getting upset when I close early or take a day off get to me. After all, I have 3 kids who need to see the doctor and dentist as well as myself, and this needs to be done during normal daycare hours unfortunately. In the past I have cancelled or rescheduled many appointments to accommodate someone who "couldn't take time off", even with plenty of notice. Now I just tell them I am a mom first and my families needs come before daycare

[CraftyMom]

Even when your daycare is outside of your home, you still have to go home to another set of duties- kind of can be like double duty.

Yes, very true. I think what I mostly mean by getting daycare out of my home is that we can't really be free to live the way we want to live in a sense. The kids get into everything and I feel like I am constantly childproofing everyday. My family doesn't really get the fact that they can't just do what they want when they want and they leave stuff laying around, which I'm working on, but they get upset and say "but we live here!" So I think if daycare was in the basement that would help. Also that I feel like I live in a daycare and don't "go home" at the end of the day. So I think it would help in that area also. Thank you for the great advice!

[cheerfuldom]

I don't have any suggestions besides what others have said. You can lessen the stress by cutting down the number of kids and hours you are working to the bare minimum.

other than that, I currently have four kids and four daycare kids and a full time school schedule. It is hard. but I have to find a way out of daycare. I cannot do this forever and I may return to work in as little as a year depending on finances. I can't wait! It helps for me to work towards a goal because otherwise, I would seriously be depressed changing diapers and dealing with parent drama day after day.