Tantrums With Parents

[Kabob]

So...I have 2.5 yr old dcg who is super adverse to doing anything herself as she says "mommy does that". Over time she has learned to do many things here that she doesn't do herself at home. She used to throw tantrums ALL THE TIME if I so much as asked her to do anything. Now she rarely has a temper tantrums and if she does they last a couple of minutes if that.

However every time her mom drops her off or picks her up dcg starts whining. Now it has turned into full blown temper tantrums. This never happens with dad as he basically does what I do and calmly tells her she has to take off her hat or put on her boots and she does it. Mom on the other hand feeds into it and immediately tells dcg that she'll leave without dcg or that she won't help dcg but then caves the second tears start. Then dcm starts crying if it gets bad enough.

Yesterday it was the worst. Dcm came to pick up and immediately dcg demanded that dcm pick her up. Dcm said no but offered a hug. Dcg started to cry so dcm picked her up. Then dcm was trying to put baby sister in the car seat while dcg was climbing on dcm crying about wanting to be picked up. Normally, since dcg and baby are my first pick up of the evening, I just carry on getting everyone else ready and clean up while ignoring the drama. But while dcm was trying to wiggle out of dcg's grasp in an attempt to get baby in the car seat, they ended up in the middle of the play room and were now taking 15 minutes to get ready while I was trying to continue my day with the other kids still here. So I just calmly went over to dcg and said "Mommy is putting baby in her seat. You need to wait quietly here and then mommy will take you home." I set dcg next to me and continued my work while dcg screamed and cried. Then dcm started crying. Then baby started crying. I felt like I failed. Then dcm said "bye dcg" and left with just the baby to make dcg think she was being left behind as punishment for crying. That didn't help.

This morning dcm dropped off and dcg was even more clingy to her than usual. When dcm went back to the car for her gear, dcg freaked out saying dcm had left her. When dcm came back in, dcg demanded dcm carry her upstairs to the play room which was a new behavior for her...dcm said no but then picked her up anyway.

So now I'm dreading pick up....I would get dcg ready myself if dcm would arrive at the same time every day...some days she arrives 15-30 minutes early...others she barely is on time.

[Heidi]

1. She needs to text or call you 10 minutes before arrival. Then, you can give dcg a clean up warning, have her clean up, and get ready. If she's not ready, she needs to say "I am taking baby to the car. I will be right back". Go to car, dcg gets ready, then mom gets her (or you can walk her out, if that's an option).

2. Mornings, she needs to hand baby over, kiss dcg bye, and LEAVE. Then, you say "dcg, when you're ready and your things are put away, you can go play Sunny:. I will be in the playroom'.


Ask her to give you a quick call tomorrow while dcg is out of hearing. Tell her you have a couple ideas, because you KNOW this is getting to her, too.

Try those strategies for a few days. If they don't work, it's BYE BYE OUTSIDE, per NanDe.

[daycarediva]

1. She needs to text or call you 10 minutes before arrival. Then, you can give dcg a clean up warning, have her clean up, and get ready. If she's not ready, she needs to say "I am taking baby to the car. I will be right back". Go to car, dcg gets ready, then mom gets her (or you can walk her out, if that's an option).

2. Mornings, she needs to hand baby over, kiss dcg bye, and LEAVE. Then, you say "dcg, when you're ready and your things are put away, you can go play Sunny:. I will be in the playroom'.


Ask her to give you a quick call tomorrow while dcg is out of hearing. Tell her you have a couple ideas, because you KNOW this is getting to her, too.

Try those strategies for a few days. If they don't work, it's BYE BYE OUTSIDE, per NanDe.

Yup.

Awesome parenting on dcm's part. She has totally made that situation worse by saying no and then IMMEDIATELY caving to tears. Now dcg knows if she cries, Mom will cave.

[TwinKristi]

I think it's time for a heart-to-heart with DCM/DCD in private. We all know how this plays out and giving in only makes if worse. DCM needs to have a routine, stick to it and watch the change. Maybe help encourage mom to make drop off as quick as possible and leave her stuff on the porch if the 2nd trip back in is problematic. Give a quick kiss and hug and bye bye promptly. Same at pickup. Maybe you can have her stuff out front for her to grab and then have DCG do something while mom buckles up baby. It will take a few weeks to get this down but mom needs to be 100% on board. Explain the disruption is just getting to be too much and you see she struggles with this as well.

[Kabob]

The only issue is I have a split level with a very small entry way. So dcm likes to bring the car seat in and get baby ready in the main room upstairs and then get dcg ready in the entry way (where all her stuff is kept in the closet). I don't trust dcg there when dcm just leaves like that because a) I can't immediately intervene if she were to bolt out the now unlocked door and b) I can't immediately intervene if she throws herself downstairs during her temper tantrum while mom ditches her. Pick up is way worse than drop off...maybe I could see if dcm can start calling me first...just is frustrating this happens because she feeds into it and then complains about it (as usual).

[Heidi]

So...you have split level, with a set of stair up, and a set going down?

Does mom leave the carseat? Is baby still rear facing?

[Kabob]

So...you have split level, with a set of stair up, and a set going down?

Does mom leave the carseat? Is baby still rear facing?

Yes.

And sometimes she leaves the car seat. I do believe it is rear facing.

Normally dcg throws her tantrums in the entryway as soon as dcm asks her to do anything but it is much easier to ignore the drama when she does it there.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

1. She needs to text or call you 10 minutes before arrival. Then, you can give dcg a clean up warning, have her clean up, and get ready. If she's not ready, she needs to say "I am taking baby to the car. I will be right back". Go to car, dcg gets ready, then mom gets her (or you can walk her out, if that's an option).

2. Mornings, she needs to hand baby over, kiss dcg bye, and LEAVE. Then, you say "dcg, when you're ready and your things are put away, you can go play Sunny:. I will be in the playroom'.


Ask her to give you a quick call tomorrow while dcg is out of hearing. Tell her you have a couple ideas, because you KNOW this is getting to her, too.

Try those strategies for a few days. If they don't work, it's BYE BYE OUTSIDE, per NanDe.

YES!!! All of this.

I actually said, "Holy nightmare!" while reading your post. What a stressful start and end to your day. :hug:

[Kabob]

Oh and dcg always threw fits at pick up from day one. Usually because she didn't want to leave. Back then it was summer and all she needed was shoes. I also was able to mitigate the issue by telling dcg to start cleaning up because mommy was coming soon and then I got her ready to go. But then dcm started doing random pick up times which was fine because then I randomly get off sooner but then dcg drifted back to tantrums. I feel that dcm just learned to expect me to handle getting her ready and just doesn't want to deal with tears. Dcm cries when dcg cries. She also told me not to help by putting dcg in her winter gear because she doesn't want dcg to be too warm and she "has sticky stuff on the bottoms of her boots" that apparently sticks to my carpet. I think I'm over thinking this now that I'm reading this...

[craftymissbeth]

Oh and dcg always threw fits at pick up from day one. Usually because she didn't want to leave. Back then it was summer and all she needed was shoes. I also was able to mitigate the issue by telling dcg to start cleaning up because mommy was coming soon and then I got her ready to go. But then dcm started doing random pick up times which was fine because then I randomly get off sooner but then dcg drifted back to tantrums. I feel that dcm just learned to expect me to handle getting her ready and just doesn't want to deal with tears. Dcm cries when dcg cries. She also told me not to help by putting dcg in her winter gear because she doesn't want dcg to be too warm and she "has sticky stuff on the bottoms of her boots" that apparently sticks to my carpet. I think I'm over thinking this now that I'm reading this...

Wow. Like every time?

[Kabob]

YES!!! All of this.

I actually said, "Holy nightmare!" while reading your post. What a stressful start and end to your day. :hug:

I'm just so frustrated because dcg melts down if asked to put on or take off her stuff even though she does it all the time for me at play time. If told to wait while mom or dad loads up baby she freaks. I can't sit there with her in the entryway as then the toddlers upstairs are left without me because dcm can't get her act together. This is the mom that complains that dcg isn't in underwear here yet but then still disables dcg by wiping for her and pulling her pants up and down for her because it is "too hard" for her and demands I do the same. I don't.

I can have dcm text or call before arrival though so I'll try that...I just hate my split level set up sometimes. Note to self for future house....never again split level....

[Kabob]

Wow. Like every time?

Yep. She says it just gets to her.

[Kabob]

Well a better pick up today. I got a heads up from dcm that she was coming today and so was able to at least get dcg started on the leaving process. I found out dcm gets here early at random because she uses her paid time off to go home early and "get things done" before she picks up the kids. And yet here she was complaining that she was running out of paid time off...::

[TwinKristi]

If I cried every time my kids cried I wouldn't have any tears left by now! :: Seriously... what is with these crybaby parents??

eta- Glad it went better today though!!

[Kabob]

If I cried every time my kids cried I wouldn't have any tears left by now! :: Seriously... what is with these crybaby parents??

eta- Glad it went better today though!!

Not perfect but better....would be great if dcm would just do what dcd does and just stay calm and use logic.

And yeah...I never thought I'd see both parent and child crying like that. I was interviewing a family and had the mom start crying at the thought of her child crying. Made me feel like a heartless mom...