3 Year Old Doesn't Want To Be Here Anymore

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  • MCC
    Daycare.com Member
    • Mar 2013
    • 501

    3 Year Old Doesn't Want To Be Here Anymore

    I have a just turned 3yo DCG I've had since Aug. There are 2 other 3 yo girls here, and they all get along wonderfully. This little girl is a little over emotional, and we have struggled with meltdowns, but nothing too extreme. I was closed M-W this week.

    Yesterday she got here, all was okay until 9:30 when she lost it. Nothing triggered it, she just started bawling while she was sitting watching my DD dance. I sent her to go lay down, and she fell asleep until 11. I texted DCM about her sleeping, and told her if she woke up in the same mood she went down in, she'd need to be picked up. I offered her lunch, (doesn't ever eat), and then during story time she lost it again. DCD came to get her.

    This morning, she hadn't even gotten in the door, and she was screaming and asking to leave. 30 minutes of DCM trying to calm her (while everyone else was arriving...what a mess). Finally DCM askd DCG if she wanted to go to the back up provider (where she went when I was closed on Wednesday) and DCG said yes. DCM asked if anything had happened here, and I assured her nothing did, so I don't know what to tell her. DCM took her and left.

    So....What are your thoughts? I have a really good relationship with DCM, and my DD and DCG are great friends. I don't want to lose them, but I have a feeling they are going to term, it was mentioned this morning that maybe the other provider is a better fit.

    Any advice or experience with this?
  • daycarediva
    Daycare.com Member
    • Jul 2012
    • 11698

    #2
    My question is what is the difference between the two places?

    I have a dcb who adores his back up. I know her, and she is very passive. Anything goes, he gets to bring chocolate donuts for lbreakfast and lunchables with oreos and juice for lunch. (she doesn't provide meals, only snacks, and doesn't care what they bring). They also watch WAY too much tv.

    Parents disagree about who is a better fit. He DOES like it here, but after a vacation/break he always asks for backup daycare lady.

    Comment

    • rosieteddy
      Daycare.com Member
      • Jan 2014
      • 1272

      #3
      Wow thats a tough one.The child probally liked the "newness" of the back-up care. I always found it hard when children go to a differant provider .I think its hard for the child to go back and forth. The parent shouldn't have offered that for a solution.Does she have to pay both of you today? I think you may want to start looking to fill the spot . I recently had to terminate (in a nice way) a family.The Mom had stopped working and was only bringing the two kids here every other Friday. Though I had cared for the 4 yr old she started haveing melt downs every week. I told the Mom I didn't want her to leave with a bad experiance.I felt like it was negating all the fun she had over the previous 3 yrs +.Mom was not happy but I felt it was the right thing for everyone.

      Comment

      • MCC
        Daycare.com Member
        • Mar 2013
        • 501

        #4
        Originally posted by daycarediva
        My question is what is the difference between the two places?

        I have a dcb who adores his back up. I know her, and she is very passive. Anything goes, he gets to bring chocolate donuts for lbreakfast and lunchables with oreos and juice for lunch. (she doesn't provide meals, only snacks, and doesn't care what they bring). They also watch WAY too much tv.

        Parents disagree about who is a better fit. He DOES like it here, but after a vacation/break he always asks for backup daycare lady.
        Wow, This is a very good thought. I'm sure there was a lot of TV and snacks. This lady advertises as "emergency care" so my assumption is that she just makes sure the kids don't get hurt. Nothing wrong with that, but that's not how things are done here, and we never watch TV. DCG loves TV though

        Comment

        • TwinKristi
          Family Childcare Provider
          • Aug 2013
          • 2390

          #5
          Yeah I have to agree that mom offering to take her to the other provider was probably a bad move and one that may have just broken things. When you allow the 3yr old to decide where they go, you lose the authority. Do you ask the 3yr old if you should get premium or regular gas? Or if they want Applebee's or McDonald's?
          I would contact mom today at work and ask what she thinks about the future of your relationship and how she plans to handle this. Does your contract require notice? And were you paid for today? I would address things ASAP and not let it linger all weekend.

          Eta- when I was younger I LOVED going to my dads on the weekend. I didn't have any chores, any siblings, I got to do whatever I wanted, because I could. So when given the choice of course I wanted less structure and rules and all the fun and play. But if I lived with my dad it wouldn't have been all fun and games ya know? I have a feeling that's what happened here as well.

          Comment

          • MCC
            Daycare.com Member
            • Mar 2013
            • 501

            #6
            DCM just texted that she is going to pick up from the other lady b/c DCG woke up from nap freaking out asking to come here. Now I'm thinking DCG is manipulating mom, and just trying to avoid daycare all together.

            Comment

            • Heidi
              Daycare.com Member
              • Sep 2011
              • 7121

              #7
              Originally posted by MCC
              DCM just texted that she is going to pick up from the other lady b/c DCG woke up from nap freaking out asking to come here. Now I'm thinking DCG is manipulating mom, and just trying to avoid daycare all together.
              ::::::

              There are no words!

              Comment

              • MCC
                Daycare.com Member
                • Mar 2013
                • 501

                #8
                I was paid for today, and DCM paid me today for the next two weeks. I made it very clear to her that if they decide to go elsewhere, they need to give me two weeks written notice.

                Comment

                • TwinKristi
                  Family Childcare Provider
                  • Aug 2013
                  • 2390

                  #9
                  Oh good! I'm glad this turned around. I was really afraid they'd pull just because a 3yr old probably liked watching TV and eating junk food! LOL

                  Comment

                  • Hunni Bee
                    False Sense Of Authority
                    • Feb 2011
                    • 2397

                    #10
                    I don't feel like it turned around. DCG just learned that she gets to come and go as she pleases. I see this getting way worse if it continues this way.

                    If mom isn't just trying to placate dcg and really is trying to find out what's wrong, I'd get her in on this. I wouldn't call her anymore for meltdowns. DCG needs to hear firmly from both of you that she doesn't get to pick which daycare she goes to, where she goes first she stays, and she will not be picked up for screaming. Any screaming will result in lying down and resting, and nothing more. And never allow her into your care if she goes to the backup daycare and has to be picked up.

                    In the meantime, I'd star a calendar for March 1st and advertise for her spot. If she's still screaming daily, buh-bye.

                    Just my take.

                    Comment

                    • Maria2013
                      Daycare.com Member
                      • Aug 2013
                      • 1026

                      #11
                      Originally posted by Hunni Bee
                      I don't feel like it turned around. DCG just learned that she gets to come and go as she pleases. I see this getting way worse if it continues this way.

                      If mom isn't just trying to placate dcg and really is trying to find out what's wrong, I'd get her in on this. I wouldn't call her anymore for meltdowns. DCG needs to hear firmly from both of you that she doesn't get to pick which daycare she goes to, where she goes first she stays, and she will not be picked up for screaming. Any screaming will result in lying down and resting, and nothing more. And never allow her into your care if she goes to the backup daycare and has to be picked up.

                      In the meantime, I'd star a calendar for March 1st and advertise for her spot. If she's still screaming daily, buh-bye.

                      Just my take.

                      Comment

                      • MCC
                        Daycare.com Member
                        • Mar 2013
                        • 501

                        #12
                        Originally posted by Hunni Bee
                        I don't feel like it turned around. DCG just learned that she gets to come and go as she pleases. I see this getting way worse if it continues this way.

                        If mom isn't just trying to placate dcg and really is trying to find out what's wrong, I'd get her in on this. I wouldn't call her anymore for meltdowns. DCG needs to hear firmly from both of you that she doesn't get to pick which daycare she goes to, where she goes first she stays, and she will not be picked up for screaming. Any screaming will result in lying down and resting, and nothing more. And never allow her into your care if she goes to the backup daycare and has to be picked up.

                        In the meantime, I'd star a calendar for March 1st and advertise for her spot. If she's still screaming daily, buh-bye.

                        Just my take.

                        This sounds like an excellent plan. That is how I have been dealing with the meltdowns, she cries, she goes to her mat. However, the past 2 days were full blown screaming, gagging on her saliva, gasping for air, meltdowns... it was awful.

                        I agree, it just needs to be dealt with. Deep.Breaths. for me and my staff. Luckily, I have several people on a wait list that need spots in Feb/March, so the timing is nice here.

                        Comment

                        • Moppetland
                          Enjoy life
                          • Dec 2012
                          • 134

                          #13
                          If the other provider was just "emergency care", would that had lasted anyway?

                          What if you would have already terminated her? Once she left that morning and said she's taking her to her back up provider, I would have taken that as a verbal termination.

                          Parents need to stop letting their children be the parent. When she came to you, she saw that you were a good fit for her. She almost ruined for herself.

                          Comment

                          • TwinKristi
                            Family Childcare Provider
                            • Aug 2013
                            • 2390

                            #14
                            Originally posted by Moppetland
                            If the other provider was just "emergency care", would that had lasted anyway?

                            What if you would have already terminated her? Once she left that morning and said she's taking her to her back up provider, I would have taken that as a verbal termination.

                            Parents need to stop letting their children be the parent. When she came to you, she saw that you were a good fit for her. She almost ruined for herself.
                            I was curious about this too. Would she really have switched if DCG wanted to? That speaks volumes to me.

                            I think she was probably on the fence there but realized when DCG wanted to come back that it was where she should be. I mean, if she's going to freak out every day like you describe than I would start looking at that wait list come Feb-March! I personally like to address these issues with parents. Ask her if she was prepared to terminate and if that's the case to please be honest with you so you can fill her spot ASAP since this IS a business which I'm glad you did!

                            Comment

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