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Arghh!! Had It With DCB!
Had to post to vent and get support. Have two little ones here. One is 16 mos old and the other is 11 mos. 16 mos old is only child and 11 mos old is second child with brother being 7. Thought background info would be important. 16 mos old comes from a background of a baby daycare with 8 other infants and came to me at 12 mos. 11 mos. old was watched by Mom/Grandma until 5 mos old. 16 mos. old has been impossible from the start. Came to me being a screamer about everything! He would wake up the entire household and the baby to boot. Finally got him over that to hit the terrible toddler stage. He now does everything he knows he shouldn't if I leave a room. Go upstairs to make a bottle come down and he has ripped the side bumpers for head protection off my nice table. He will even go up to things and say "no" but yet still touch it. I know he is testing me but let's face it when you can't do much for discipline it really hinders you. Went upstairs the other day came back down and sighed. We have an area of our basement that does have a proper mud and taped corner-hard to explain-but he had ripped the sheetrock off the wall and our professional paint job to boot. He is very destructive! I don't know what to do. NOW, the last few days he has decided to start putting his fingers down his mouth and gagging himself on purpose! What do I do if he throws up or makes that a regular thing? How do you discipline for that. I tell him no, he says "no" and then proceeds to do it over and over again! Really need help here. I am to the point where if he throws up Mom and Dad are called and they have to come pick him up and explain that if he continues to exhibit this behavior I can no longer watch him but not sure if I am just being too extreme or not. I personally cannot handle throw up and so I gag myself if others throw up!
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Sounds like on I have here. He does EVERYTHING he is not supposed to and also scream/cries over everything it drives me nuts! He started at 18 mo. and had to be my shadow for a few months-he was also a biter. He's 2 now and has stopped biting, but still does what he is not supposed, especially if I'm not looking and scream cries. I did have to resort to having him sit in my hallway when he screams or does something. It's all I can do. I think for some kids, that's just how they are and it's their age. None of my other kids are like him though.
I have thought about terming, but just can't.
As for the fingers down the throat, I posted a thread about that a few months ago! My son did it for about 2 months and he was around the same age as your dcb. I don't know why he did it either. He never threw up, which I am surprised. Then one day, he just didn't do it anymore. It's probably just a phase, hopefully!
Good luck! -
First of all sorry you are dealing with this ,kids are tough. I think you might have luck with a seperate play space for him. I bought a playyard on amazon.com. It is pretty big and you can buy extentions to make it bigger.I put a play mat under it ,the foam squares and use it as a "clubhouse" for older kids when they needed space so babies wouldn't wreck their stuff. I use it to put infant seat in to keep toddlers away from infant.Then I use for toddlers if I need to change someone or get a bottle. If you can't get that I would use a pack n play set up for play only. Maybe give special toys only while in that.I would try not to leave that child unattended if possible.He seems to look for trouble. Good luck. As far as the throwing up thing I would clap my hands redirect and hope for the best. Maybe try to catch the first hint he is going with it and give book or toy.Hopefully if he doesn't get a reaction he won;t do it.I wouldnt be totally against cheerios as a deterant,Comment
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my DH was a breath-holder at that age. Apparently, MIL freaked out the first few times, but the doctor told her to ignore it. She did, and he stopped doing it.
I would say the same thing about the gagging. Don't give it any attention.
I'm going to say that you should not leave him in the room alone at all. He needs to be constantly redirected to "play with toys" until he gets it. If you can't be there to do that, take him with you when you leave, or put him in a pnp that is not his bed with a few toys.Comment
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Thanks all of you! So helpful!
I have been using a pack n play with him, however, it is the one he sleeps in. Is that still ok? I tried giving him toys in there but he threw them out the minute I put them in so now nothing goes in. He is also constantly hitting the younger one and I have started putting him in "one minute" time outs for that with no success, of course. I will try the clapping thing when he starts to gag himself-maybe that will scare him! I don't know. I was going to recommend to parents to put something on his fingers that is hot so that he starts to associate the hot taste with doing the gagging and maybe that would stop him. I know he is doing it as another way to get attention.
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Can you set him in a pack and play if you arent right there to supervise? The gagging thing, you can try and put socks on this hands so it will be harder for him to put fingers down his mouth or even to pull things off the wall and such. Long socks that go up to his armpits and then layer something tight fitting over that long a long sleeve tshirt. One of my toddlers was force gagging and I was going to the sock thing but her family termed anyway so problem solved for me.Comment
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Wait, you're the one watching my son? HahaThanks all of you! So helpful! I have been using a pack n play with him, however, it is the one he sleeps in. Is that still ok? I tried giving him toys in there but he threw them out the minute I put them in so now nothing goes in. He is also constantly hitting the younger one and I have started putting him in "one minute" time outs for that with no success, of course. I will try the clapping thing when he starts to gag himself-maybe that will scare him! I don't know. I was going to recommend to parents to put something on his fingers that is hot so that he starts to associate the hot taste with doing the gagging and maybe that would stop him. I know he is doing it as another way to get attention.
My son is 22 months old and I have had this issue since he was 16 months and could climb the play yards and PNPs.
You're right that punishment for discipline is not the right way to go. They cannot connect the two actions at this age.
Do not put something hot on his fingers. Your regs may not allow it and actually the "yucky" nail polish they recommend for nail biters and thumb ****ers are not effective at this age because they will actually grow to like it. Ignore it and if he does it, send him home for vomiting.
1. Separate baby and toddler
2. What toddler activities do you have planned? He is a child that requires a lot of stimulation. Put masking tape or colored electrical tape of the floor for him to pull off. Have parents bring junky clothes so he can have a shaving cream bath or sit in a tub of rice. Pudding paint is awesome. Let him go crazy with a roll of toilet paper. Wrap him up like a mummy and let him try and tear it off. Loud pots and pans. Use throw pillows or old couch cushion for a pillow fight or jumping.
It has become much more manageable.Comment
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If you have to leave him alone (which hopefully you don't have to do often or for long), I'd put him in the PNP for the few minutes it takes you to run upstairs and make a bottle. Even better, make the bottle where you can supervise him. If he throws his toys out of the PNP, you're only gone for 5 minutes tops--right? He can survive that long without toys. But I would not ever advocate putting a toddler in a PNP to play or hang out. They need to move around and explore.
As for him going up to things and saying "no" and then touching them? To me, this is a great sign that he's learning. It's good!!! At 16 months, my son did that (and still touched, too). Now, at 18 months, he says no but doesn't touch. Your little guy is figuring out he shouldn't do something, but he hasn't yet figured out how to stop himself. He doesn't have the self-control yet. Punishment will not give him self control. Patience, redirecting, showing him how to keep his hands to himself... all these will help.
The fingers in the mouth, gagging? I'd ignore it and let it go. I seriously doubt he would make himself throw up. If he does, send him home. But until it happens, there really is no need to worry about what-if. It seems like a passing phase. The hot thing in his fingers and the clapping idea give too much attention to what is really probably not a big problem.
I have to put in my two cents about toddlers and time out. A 16 month old will not understand why you're putting him in time out. I really don't believe it will get you the results that you want. He doesn't yet know what to do, how to behave, because he's 16 months old and he's still learning! Putting him in time out doesn't tell him what you want from him. Showing him is better. Changing the environment so he can do more is good, too. Taking away things that he can get into, cause trouble with... that would help.
Good luck! My youngest kid is 18 months and my oldest kid is almost 3. A few months ago, they were all at this stage, it seems. It's getting better!Comment
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