SO Wants Me to Term Family

[logged out for privacy]

I have a 3 day/week fam. One is SA. One is toddler. One is baby. I adddore the baby. She is SO sweet and easy. The toddler is, I think, swearing. He has a speech impediment but it is the only thing that makes sense... He just screams at me, smacks me all the time, and is in time out repeatedly.

the SA is difficult as well. She is worse than the toddler with snotty attitude. She will try to make my own 3yo DD cry when I put her in time out for anything (like, say she is throwing a ball in the house and knows she isn't allowed - I used to give her warnings but now she goes in time out - in response she will tell my DD "I don't like you, I am not your friend anymore, don't talk to me," etc and it is seriously only because no one else cares when she throws her fits - I think she is used to the "awe sweetie, it's okay!" thing).

Well, I deal with it. They are my most stressful family but I understand that there are difficult kids and I just deal. SO was here today and almost lost it. He couldn't believe how much they totally disrespect me, how much they are mean, whiney, just... well, he called them brats. He has spent time with every other daycare kid - including two that I think are totally unruly and are the most challenging. But he sees this family as the "worst" because of the attitudes, the way they treat DD and myself, their unruliness.

I know this sounds like I don't like them, but I genuinely do. The mom is just the SWEETEST mom I have, honestly. She reinforces my rules, is kind, pays her copays, etc.

However, SO has said that, basically, he wants them out of his home in three weeks (one week to try to "fix" things or figure out how to terminate) and two weeks notice. My family is more important. This is (obviously) a significant chunk of my income but sanity and harmony within our family is my top priority.

I guess I am posting because I just don't know what to do.

[Maria2013]

as you said yourself sanity and harmony in the family is top priority so if you see no chance of improvement you need to let them go

good luck:hug:

[racemom]

I would sit down with mom and dad if in the picture and tell them exactly what you said here. Give her the opportunity to help solve the problems and give her heads up on possible termination if not solved. They kids need to learn to respect you,your home, and your family and mom/dad need to help with this.

[Lucy]

I would fight for what YOU want, not what your boyfriend wants. Examine your true feelings. If you want to keep them, tell him. And do it. If thoughts of being rid of them makes you happy, then term them. It's YOUR business, not his.

That being said, every relationship is run differently. In the end, you have to do what seems right for your relationship. My advice comes from MY perspective, which is that I have to do what's right for ME. And my husband respects that. He would never demand me to make certain business decisions.

I do wish you the best. Keep us posted! lovethis

[cheerfuldom]

Okay wait....who is this other person? Is this a person living in the house and having to deal with these kids on a regular basis? How serious is this relationship? I do think that other people living in the house have a right to voice their concerns, like your children or spouse. but if this is a boyfriend that doesn't live there and comes in and makes ultimatums about your business.....ummm, that is not cool. I would definitely continuing addressing the concerns with this family because obviously there is a lot going on but this is YOUR business. You make the final decision.

[Unregistered]

Op here

He is my fiancé. We live together.

It has been an ongoing conversation w mom about all of this. The dads of kids are not involved on my end (baby's dad does back up care). The mom actually said about the 2 year old hitti "he hits me too. He only listens to men." The way she went on I was like... Where does he learn that? How is this ok?

[MotherNature]

Op here

He is my fiancé. We live together.

It has been an ongoing conversation w mom about all of this. The dads of kids are not involved on my end (baby's dad does back up care). The mom actually said about the 2 year old hitti "he hits me too. He only listens to men." The way she went on I was like... Where does he learn that? How is this ok?

??? That is so sad. I wonder what's going on in their home that the kid only listens to men? I wouldn't put up with that though. If the kid can't respect you, bye bye..I'd want to talk to DCD to find out what they're reinforcing. Every one needs to be on the same page. Hopefully they're not encouraging misogyny.

[Cat Herder]

SO has said that, basically, he wants them out of his home

Unless it is actually his home 100% and every penny you earn goes to your internet shoe store addiction, this is the part I'd have issue with.

The rest is just background noise, IMHO.

Sorry you are going through this. Best to work it out before the big day, though.... Being alone is pretty awesome compared to being alone in a marriage. :hug:

[crazydaycarelady]

If you were to keep those kids then I would give them a time out EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. they hit or disrespect, and it needs to be a TO in another room away from the action. Then I would make that SA apologize to your 3yo. I think you could get those kids under control.

What they do at home is irrelevant. I have had kids be completely normal and nice at my house and go home to Monsterville!