Help With This Behavior

[Blackcat31]

I'd lay bets it is more anger/jealousy based. I say this from a few experiences with Mothers whose friends were financially able to stay home with their kids when they were not.

They'd take the anger to the Father first almost shaming/blaming him for not earning more... like Mom could not have saved/planned better herself.

When Dear Old Dad tells her that he is not willing to work more hours or give up more parenting time Mom turns her focus on making the childcare provider look incompetent.

If the provider is incompetent all providers must be the same so now Mom must be the martyr and stay home forcing Dads hand.

I have seen this play out more than once or twice.... :::: Anyone else???

".....and BINGO was his name-o!"

[nannyde]

I'd lay bets it is more anger/jealousy based. I say this from a few experiences with Mothers whose friends were financially able to stay home with their kids when they were not.

They'd take the anger to the Father first almost shaming/blaming him for not earning more... like Mom could not have saved/planned better herself.

When Dear Old Dad tells her that he is not willing to work more hours or give up more parenting time Mom turns her focus on making the childcare provider look incompetent.

If the provider is incompetent all providers must be the same so now Mom must be the martyr and stay home forcing Dads hand.

I have seen this play out more than once or twice.... :::: Anyone else??? The big issue is that they are not afraid to take your reputation to fulfill their goal. Be very careful giving ammunition.

Yeah that and....

Believe me there are a TON of people who work because they have to not because they want to. Just because you sprog out a kid doesn't make you like having to work.

She may not want to stay home with little Missy so much as she doesn't want to work. I've seen just as many deals where mom is home... refuses to work AND sends the kid to day care.

I've seen a TON of State paid parents who have a job during the time they apply for day care and then once it is granted for six months quit their job and still send the kid to day care.

It may not have anything more to do than the Mom wanting to stay home all day and not work. Little Missy or no little missy... just no work.

They can't justify it with Daddy to quit the job so the target is the child care experience. Once Daddy says yes you can quit the job for the happiness of the kid then soon enough the Mom wants the kid in preschool or in day care for socialization. In the end... she gets to not work.

I would just agree with her. YES she doesn't like day care. I don't know many who do. YES she fights you to come. Who could blame her? She needs Mom and she needs love... and she needs her Mom's love.

Next?

[daycare]

I have had this parent and child. The apple does not fall far from the tree.

Hope I said that the right way....

[Cat Herder]

It may not have anything more to do than the Mom wanting to stay home all day and not work. Little Missy or no little missy... just no work.

They can't justify it with Daddy to quit the job so the target is the child care experience. Once Daddy says yes you can quit the job for the happiness of the kid then soon enough the Mom wants the kid in preschool or in day care for socialization. In the end... she gets to not work.

I would just agree with her. YES she doesn't like day care. I don't know many who do. YES she fights you to come. Who could blame her? She needs Mom and she needs love... and she needs her Mom's love.

Next?

:: I have no doubts that will come next, being a SAHM only looks like fun until you have to do it. 100% home, child and spouse care tends to come with that gig. :::: I have never worked at a job as hard as I work at home.

My fear is this Mom taking the providers reputation with her when she goes, though.... I'd not kick the hive and let Mom move on to the next issue in the hat.... Kid has Anxiety and needs special mom care. She is already halfway there......

[Unregistered]

I used to give daily updates on all activities and give very detailed daily curriculum updates which I stopped doing because of the summer and that none of my parents were reading them (this mom included, she admitted as much). Now the mom is demanding I give daily updates on the curriculum and all activities bc she wants to make sure I'm still doing the curriculum. I said id be happy to do weekly curriculum updates. But that's not good enough, she said she wants it done daily. I'm just ignoring the demands for now andyold her ill send home another copy of the newsletter for jan/Feb which outlines the curriculum for those 2 months.

How should I handle the demanding?

[Cat Herder]

How should I handle the demanding?

"No. I no longer do daily sheets. I will be more than happy to give you another copy of the curriculum guide for January and February if you have lost your original copy."

Long awkward silence. Let her break it.

If she says that does not work for her, say:

"I am sorry to hear that. Should I take that as your 30 day notice then?"

Long awkward silence.

Proceed from her answer... do not justify, argue, defend or explain your decisions (JADE ), simply state and restate them until she runs out of "but's".

She will leave or stay on your terms....

[Heidi]

"Well, now that dcg is old enough to tell you about her day, I'm sure it'll make very nice dinner-table discussion."

How about a bulletin board near the entrance where you just write it once? Not make copies for each parent to line the bottom of their cars with. ::

[Heidi]

"No. I no longer do daily sheets. I will be more than happy to give you another copy of the curriculum guide for January and February if you have lost your original copy."

Long awkward silence. Let her break it.

If she says that does not work for her, say:

"I am sorry to hear that. Should I take that as your 30 day notice then?"

Long awkward silence.

Proceed from her answer... do not justify, argue, defend or explain your decisions (JADE ), simply state and restate them until she runs out of "but's".

She will leave or stay on your terms....

[nannyde]

I used to give daily updates on all activities and give very detailed daily curriculum updates which I stopped doing because of the summer and that none of my parents were reading them (this mom included, she admitted as much). Now the mom is demanding I give daily updates on the curriculum and all activities bc she wants to make sure I'm still doing the curriculum. I said id be happy to do weekly curriculum updates. But that's not good enough, she said she wants it done daily. I'm just ignoring the demands for now andyold her ill send home another copy of the newsletter for jan/Feb which outlines the curriculum for those 2 months.

How should I handle the demanding?

Just charge a five dollar fee for daily curriculum updates, 3 for weekly, and free bi-monthly newsletter update. Make sure they understand that is for both verbal and written updates.

Put up a sign up sheet and collect fees on Friday for the upcoming week.

Your problem is that you are doing it for free. If she values it she will pay for it.

[Unregistered]

"Well, now that dcg is old enough to tell you about her day, I'm sure it'll make very nice dinner-table discussion."

How about a bulletin board near the entrance where you just write it once? Not make copies for each parent to line the bottom of their cars with. ::

I will use the first line about dinner time conversation. As for a bulletin board, I never actuallysee mom, she never drops off or picks up.

[Unregistered]

I want to confront the mom about all the hostility. Or should I just keep playing nice and allow her to speak with me any way she wants?

[Unregistered]

Wow, mom just threw a complete tantrum through text to get her way. She kept asking multiple times to get daily updates I kept repeating that I'm wiling to compromise by giving bimonthly newsletters and weekly written curriculum updates then she got nasty and started threatening to pull her child. I just spent the last 2 hours responding to her nasty texts.

Unfortunately, I need the income and had to give in. Even after giving her her way she continued to beat a dead horse about me not meeting their needs and I'm too strict and I shoot down their requests for special treatment and to not have to follow my policies. Then her last text was basically "see, that conversation didn't have to be so bad if you'd just met my request". Like, "if you gave me what I want I wouldn't have had to get nasty".

Ugh! I feel sick that I just let this mom back me into a corner. I have a new child starting in a few weeks and then I will be giving this family their walking papers due to the moms hostility. I'll be very sad to see them go as I absolutely adore the child and the rest of the family but I will not tolerate this mother's demanding attitude, rudeness, and entitlement.

Also, she said one thing that bothered me...she said every other daycare gives daily detailed curriculum updates (the updates I used to give listed every single activity and toy the child did that day). I don't believe this to be true, is it?

[Blackcat31]

Wow, mom just threw a complete tantrum through text to get her way. She kept asking multiple times to get daily updates I kept repeating that I'm wiling to compromise by giving bimonthly newsletters and weekly written curriculum updates then she got nasty and started threatening to pull her child. I just spent the last 2 hours responding to her nasty texts.

Unfortunately, I need the income and had to give in. Even after giving her her way she continued to beat a dead horse about me not meeting their needs and I'm too strict and I shoot down their requests for special treatment and to not have to follow my policies. Then her last text was basically "see, that conversation didn't have to be so bad if you'd just met my request". Like, "if you gave me what I want I wouldn't have had to get nasty".

The above bolded part is what is wrong with this relationship.

You are being held financially hostage by this family but ONLY because YOU are allowing it.

I would skip a ton of things in my life to save the missing money from this family before I continued to put up with such blatant disrespect.

NO AMOUNT OF MONEY IS WORTH CLIENTS WHO TREAT YOU LIKE CRAP.

I'd stand in line at the soup kitchen before keeping this family.

Ugh! I feel sick that I just let this mom back me into a corner. I have a new child starting in a few weeks and then I will be giving this family their walking papers due to the moms hostility. I'll be very sad to see them go as I absolutely adore the child and the rest of the family but I will not tolerate this mother's demanding attitude, rudeness, and entitlement.

Also, she said one thing that bothered me...she said every other daycare gives daily detailed curriculum updates (the updates I used to give listed every single activity and toy the child did that day). I don't believe this to be true, is it?

If every other daycare gives curriculum updates, then why isn't she attending one of them?

I'm sorry you are having to deal with such a crappy situation but in all honesty, it is 50% your fault too because you are allowing it.

Even if you don't want to, you are and THAT is what is what is giving this mom the impression that she is in charge.

I wish I had better advice for you but I don't. I could just never allow someone to be so rude to me in regards to my business.

[Heidi]

The above bolded part is what is wrong with this relationship.

You are being held financially hostage by this family but ONLY because YOU are allowing it.

I would skip a ton of things in my life to save the missing money from this family before I continued to put up with such blatant disrespect.

NO AMOUNT OF MONEY IS WORTH CLIENTS WHO TREAT YOU LIKE CRAP.

I'd stand in line at the soup kitchen before keeping this family.



If every other daycare gives curriculum updates, then why isn't she attending one of them?

I'm sorry you are having to deal with such a crappy situation but in all honesty, it is 50% your fault too because you are allowing it.

Even if you don't want to, you are and THAT is what is what is giving this mom the impression that she is in charge.

I wish I had better advice for you but I don't. I could just never allow someone to be so rude to me in regards to my business.

Yeah, holy crap!

OP...this will be smooth for a few days or a couple weeks, and then she will find the next thing to complain about. In your shoes at this point, I would have a term letter ready. The next time this happens, term on the spot. NO ONE should treat you like this! :hug:

[nannyde]

Wow, mom just threw a complete tantrum through text to get her way. She kept asking multiple times to get daily updates I kept repeating that I'm wiling to compromise by giving bimonthly newsletters and weekly written curriculum updates then she got nasty and started threatening to pull her child. I just spent the last 2 hours responding to her nasty texts.

Unfortunately, I need the income and had to give in. Even after giving her her way she continued to beat a dead horse about me not meeting their needs and I'm too strict and I shoot down their requests for special treatment and to not have to follow my policies. Then her last text was basically "see, that conversation didn't have to be so bad if you'd just met my request". Like, "if you gave me what I want I wouldn't have had to get nasty".

Ugh! I feel sick that I just let this mom back me into a corner. I have a new child starting in a few weeks and then I will be giving this family their walking papers due to the moms hostility. I'll be very sad to see them go as I absolutely adore the child and the rest of the family but I will not tolerate this mother's demanding attitude, rudeness, and entitlement.

Also, she said one thing that bothered me...she said every other daycare gives daily detailed curriculum updates (the updates I used to give listed every single activity and toy the child did that day). I don't believe this to be true, is it?

The lesson here is to know your bottom line before you go to war. If you want the money then you do as you are told. If you are willing to loose the money then go to war. A lot of providers believe that they can talk parents into doing the right thing by using words with logic. They are upset when their technique doesn't work.

Best thing is to know when you are doing what you are doing JUST because you want money. When you write out the curriculum and do the adnauseam parent conferencing that comes along with it... just run a reel to reel in your head that says... I do this because I want money... I do this because I want money... I do this because I want money.

When she has you cornered to do this... then the next demand will come. Then you have to decide the bottom line before you go to that war. Rinse and repeat.

When you have gone to war too many times then you will say no more. When you say no more you say to yourself: I don't want the money.

It's really that simple