How Far Do You Go With Babies And Sleep Regarding Parent Training

[MCC]

I'm posting yet again about these cousin babies. I have had problems with them over so many things, I can't believe I still have them here.

They are 4 months and 7 months. Mom's are sisters.

7 month old is a "cat napper" and a "snacker" She drinks about 2oz of BM, and will sleep for about 30 minutes, after crying to sleep for about 45. I have been trying to sleep train her since she turn 5 months, it has been a horribly long uphill battle, and mom and dad are swearing she is sleeping fine at home, with a little butt patting, and a blanket I have informed them I will not be using a blanket here, but I'm okay with patting her butt for a few minutes. The second I stop patting, she starts screaming, so I stopped the patting, it was pointless. I have been very open about what's going on here, and what I'm trying, and DCPs seem frustrated with me when I have a bad report for them, they also seem like they are not budging from my care though. I said to her the other day that some babies just want to be home if they are not adjusting to group care, so maybe a nanny is a good idea, and she got pretty offended, and told me that when she speaks, she chooses her words carefully...I'm not sure what she is implying there.

4 month old- DCP keep switching how many oz he should get (he will take 12oz if they let him, but spits up all day). They come in every day with different instructions for his bottles. When he finishes drinking (6oz is the current) he SCREAMS for over an hour. His scream is so intense, another parent said they wanted to bring ear buds for their kid. It's awful, I know that's not his fault, but it is so unpleasant, and I don't know why he is screaming for that long. He will fall asleep pretty well on his own, but only sleeps 30-45 minutes as well.

With both families, I am spending time with them at the end of the day coming up with solutions, I am trying so hard to work something out, but they are sticking with "they are fine at home" I'm assuming they are fine at home b/c they are being held all day, and rocked to sleep- which is whatever, but I CANT NOT and WILL NOT do that here, so their kids are just not adjusting. I went over this at length in the interview about sleep. I just don't think they are taking me seriously.

How much would you try to work with the parent before cutting ties? Am I doing too much here, too little? I am open to all suggestions.
Thanks so much.

[cheerfuldom]

I think you have done enough. You have talked to the parents are getting blame from them or excuses or inconsistent plans of actions. You cannot and will not replicate what they are doing at home. They already know you are unhappy with the situation, their children are also unhappy. The OTHER daycare kids are surely stressed as you scramble after demanding babies all day and the other kids here crying almost all day, correct? and the other daycare parents are noticing and commenting.....not good. you are in a bad position here of losing both these crying babies and other daycare kids when the other parents see or hear that you are stretching yourself too far. I think it is time to let both babies go. Individually, neither baby is thriving and likely, one sister is not going to stay with out the other. I would term. Take older kids if you can or interview and add only one new baby at a time. Trust your gut and give it a trial period and let them go if the baby is not manageable. You have done enough in this situation. It is not your job to raise these kids and solve every problem. You are providing DAY care only and if the babies are not adjusting well, it is up to the adults to find another solution for the babies.

[MCC]

I think you have done enough. You have talked to the parents are getting blame from them or excuses or inconsistent plans of actions. You cannot and will not replicate what they are doing at home. They already know you are unhappy with the situation, their children are also unhappy. The OTHER daycare kids are surely stressed as you scramble after demanding babies all day and the other kids here crying almost all day, correct? and the other daycare parents are noticing and commenting.....not good. you are in a bad position here of losing both these crying babies and other daycare kids when the other parents see or hear that you are stretching yourself too far. I think it is time to let both babies go. Individually, neither baby is thriving and likely, one sister is not going to stay with out the other. I would term. Take older kids if you can or interview and add only one new baby at a time. Trust your gut and give it a trial period and let them go if the baby is not manageable. You have done enough in this situation. It is not your job to raise these kids and solve every problem. You are providing DAY care only and if the babies are not adjusting well, it is up to the adults to find another solution for the babies.

Thank you for that reassurance. I do have an assistant here as well, so I don't really feel stretched too far, but it is making for a very unpleasant day for everyone. My assistant did home daycare for 8 years before starting with me, and she also feels that these are very high needs babies.

I have had many successful babies here, so I'm just not sure why this isn't working.

[MCC]

I just am not sure, maybe I should just let these babies scream for nap time and just not tell mom and dad, I don't know...this is stressing me out.

[NeedaVaca]

I wouldn't deal with it any longer but that's just me. I had a different situation where a parent kept telling me DCG doesn't do "xyz" at home and it was only here, I finally used that as my "out" and termed saying since she is only doing "xyz" at my house she is obviously not thriving here and I am not willing to continue this. It's not fair to DCG to be at a place where she is not thriving. DCM really couldn't say anything at that point and I heard a few weeks later that she finally got the DCG the help she needed. DCM had been lying to me all along (which I knew).

[MCC]

I wouldn't deal with it any longer but that's just me. I had a different situation where a parent kept telling me DCG doesn't do "xyz" at home and it was only here, I finally used that as my "out" and termed saying since she is only doing "xyz" at my house she is obviously not thriving here and I am not willing to continue this. It's not fair to DCG to be at a place where she is not thriving. DCM really couldn't say anything at that point and I heard a few weeks later that she finally got the DCG the help she needed. DCM had been lying to me all along (which I knew).

That's a really good way to put it for them....I hadn't thought about phrasing it that way. Thank you