10 yr old DCG Spy

[laceylmm]

So last night my neighbor comes over to invite me to her child's birthday after just inviting the other neighbors. She tells me that the other neighbor (I care for her two kids) told her that her daughter TELLS HER EVERYTHING and that she says that my husband and I fight all the time and worse than what her previously relationship was. This is coming from a woman who had ridiculous screaming fights in her lawn, called the cops on several occasions and whose children would run to the other neighbors house when this was happening.

At best all we ever do is bicker...somewhat playfully or at best annoyingly with eacgother. My husband sleeps all day as he works night and the girl is only part time before or after school. So even the time we are supposedly doing all this fighting would have to be very limited.

The way they follow me around the house asking me what I'm doing has made me wonder in the past if she doesn't pump them for my every move. And I'm guessing saying this is just a way for her to feel better about her life because why would you continue to send your child if you thought this was true?

So now I feel really uncomfortable having a spy in my home...not a very good one but nonetheless. Would you term? My husband says we should just be over the top lovey dovey and 'take the high road'.

[VTMom]

I have a 9 year old daughter and exaggerations and drama are part of my daily life now! When I hear a shocking story from her, I have to do some digging to extract what really happened out of what her interpretation of it was.

With this in mind, I think I'd (try to) shrug it off at this point. I'd also have a conversation about how words can hurt and how telling stories about people that aren't true can hurt as well. I often have to tell myself that these girls are in a tough spot: trying to be mature while still a kid.

I totally understand why you feel like she's spying and be uncomfortable with it. The girl drama I hear about through my daughter is way worse than it was when I was a kid. Good luck!

[SilverSabre25]

"You only believe 50% of what you hear about daycare, and I'll only believe 50% of what I hear about home, deal?" and give her a Look, that's very "knowing" and make her wonder just what, exactly, you have been told...

[Great Beginnings]

I think at 10 she knows what she is doing wrong. I would let her know you don't appreciate her lies and how that has hurt your feelings and made you look bad. I would even let her know that you don't tolerate stories that hurt people and she wont be allowed to come to your home anymore if it continues.

[Play Care]

"You only believe 50% of what you hear about daycare, and I'll only believe 50% of what I hear about home, deal?" and give her a Look, that's very "knowing" and make her wonder just what, exactly, you have been told...

My concern is that the older the child the more believable the lies. I would want to set up a meeting to clear the air and let the family know in no uncertain terms that any more "stories" and they would be out care.
I had a similar situation with a sneaky SA DCG and the parents never came to me just took her word for it. A few years later and I'm still bitter.

[SilverSabre25]

My concern is that the older the child the more believable to lies. I would want to set up a meeting to clear the air and let the family know in no uncertain terms that any more "stories" and they would be out care.

My feeling though is that this is "spying/lying" brought on by mom's behavior more than anything else. Like, during a discussion about their time at daycare, mom asked, "Do they ever fight?" or maybe girl once casually mentioned that OP and her DH were "fighting" and mom got really concerned and asked for more information, and the girl felt put on the spot, and probably as a reaction to what she has grown up with, just answered with what she thought her mom wanted to hear. Also, good chance mom asked leading questions, and questions that encouraged the lies.

[laceylmm]

It would be one thing if the mom had just kept this to herself but she felt the need to gossip about it. So how many more people will he tell just to give her something to talk about? Which is exactly the type of person she is.

[Cat Herder]

It would be one thing if the mom had just kept this to herself but she felt the need to gossip about it.

If you can afford to term the Mom it may be worth it. I live in a small town, I know how quickly that can turn... The fact that she is your neighbor would have prevented me from enrolling to begin with. (I will add working with neighbors/family/friends tag).

IMHO, the girl has just learned how to please her mom by giving her fodder for her "supply" of attention by gossip. Check out a Daughter of Narcissistic Mothers forum.... it is almost classic behavior.

[DaisyMamma]

"You only believe 50% of what you hear about daycare, and I'll only believe 50% of what I hear about home, deal?" and give her a Look, that's very "knowing" and make her wonder just what, exactly, you have been told...

So perfect.

[Unregistered]

I dont take care or neighbors kids or sa , this is one more reason not to do it, children that lie are a danger to this delicate business of child care.

[JLH]

I would probably contact my licensor to let her know, so that if anything turns bad you already have your behind covered.