3.5 Year Old Who Says It's "Fun" To Poop Pants

[Leigh]

I have a 3.5 year old with Fetal Alcohol Effects and ADHD in my daycare. He says it's fun to poop his pants and he will not tell me when he does it (unfortunately, the entire house stinks when he does it, so it's not too hard to figure it out). Problem is, he likes to sit down and rub it in, too-I don't know if this is a self-soothing behavior or what, but it is downright disgusting to change his diapers. I don't want to shame him or punish him for soiling (I know that it is because of the FAE that he isn't able to be potty trained yet), but I DO believe that he understands that I want him to tell me when he poops his pants, and that he intentionally rubs it in to show me that he doesn't have to tell me. I have tried bribery (treats, special trips/priveleges), but he won't tell me and he laughs like a madman when I "catch" him with dirty pants-he tells me while I change him that he likes being stinky (the other kids freak out and whine about how he smells) and he likes sitting in poop. The kid has had diaper rash for at least 6 months-I don't think he's getting changed enough at home, but I am sure that sitting in poop for any amount of time doesn't help.

Anyone have any suggestions?

[nannyde]

Diapers and backwards footed pajamas.

[Leanna]

Sounds like a sensory issue with the "smooshing" of the poo... (sorry to be so gross). Does he get services? OT?

He may also like the attention. I'd try to get the other kids to stop commenting on it as much as possible and be very matter-of-fact in my reactions to it.

[craftymissbeth]

Maybe check him WAY more often than you usually do? For example, I change diapers every 2 hours no matter what, but as soon as someone poops they get changed immediately. So maybe check him every 15-30 minutes and then get it changed before it's squished? That sounds like a pain, but really I think I would just be on him checking constantly so that he doesn't get to experience the stink... I'm not sure if that will help him forget how much he likes it or not, but at least it won't be such a pain to clean up.

I've never been in this situation before and I'm sure way more experienced providers will chime in. :hug:

ETA: I agree that giving it no emotion whatsoever when he poops, whether it's smooshed or not, is a great idea. No stinky face or "wooooo-ie"

[Angelsj]

I agree it is probably sensory, and getting it changed quickly and matter of factly would probably slow down some of it. He isn't putting his hands in there, so I am not sure how you would be able to meet that need. Maybe a ball he could sit on would feel "squishy" and similar? That is a different one.

[WImom]

It does sound sensory but I wonder if it's for attention as well. If you can check him more often he might also get tired of getting interrupted in playing so much that he will start to tell you.

A sticker chart for the rest of the kids when they don't say anything?? I'm not sure what you would write as a title on those..

[craftymissbeth]

It does sound sensory but I wonder if it's for attention as well. If you can check him more often he might also get tired of getting interrupted in playing so much that he will start to tell you.

A sticker chart for the rest of the kids when they don't say anything?? I'm not sure what you would write as a title on those..

"I didn't sit in my squishy poop for extended periods of time"

But I do think a sticker chart for all of the kids would be good... if you can figure out a title for it... or what to tell the children... or how to answer the question "my daughter says she received a gold star today for not smooshing her poop around in her diaper...???" haha just kidding I really do think it's a good idea.

[Leigh]

I don't give negative attention for it, but I do offer positive rewards if he ever tells me when he goes, and a HUGE reward if he ever tells me BEFORE he goes. Otherwise, I just change his diaper and go on. I change kids on a schedule (1.5-2 hours between changes), but I am always on "poop patrol".

I do think he likes the attention he gets from the other kids (Gross! You stink! Get away from me!).
-
He'll squish it in even as I am opening his diaper to change it-he doesn't need a lot of time in the diaper to get it done.

I am going to try the sticker chart for Mr. Poopy Pants, he is obsessed with stickers, so if I am going to have success, I'll bet that is how it would happen. I've never discussed the squishing it in with him, because I didn't want to give power to the behavior, so I'll just give the sticker for telling me that he goes and maybe that will help prevent the need to squish it.

[melonieb]

I have a 3.7 year old that does that too. Will urinate in the toilet but refuses to do a bowel. Like today left 3 year old with my second hand and he made a bowel amd literally took it out of unders and played with it. Mom thinks it funny and I personally thinks it's gross and he is too old to be doing that.

[crazydaycarelady]

What if he had to help clean it up by wiping himself with wipes (while you supervised of course?) Maybe then it won't be so "fun."

[Leigh]

What if he had to help clean it up by wiping himself with wipes (while you supervised of course?) Maybe then it won't be so "fun."

That's a good idea, too! While I am CERTAIN that I will be cleaning up a mess the first few times, I wouldn't doubt that would help solve the problem! Maybe I am just "too close" to this to see these great ideas myself!

[Unregistered]

I don't change children over the age of 3.Never have and never will! I've probably potty trained 100 plus kids in the past 20 years so I will give you my tips.
I've had children close to three who thought it was fun to poop in their pants. I let them clean it up by themselves,they think it's the most disgusting thing ever and never again have they pooped in their pants.Once I know they can use the toilet I expect them to.
I lay out two large black trash bags on the floor that they stand on,give them wipes, two grocery bags- one for used wipes and one for their poopy clothes. I supervise them the whole time but I have them clean themselves the best they can. When they are done I wash them head to toe in soap and water and have them dress themselves. I then have to sanitize the bathroom and I give them a bucket of water and rag and have them help me. I have an assistant because it usually will take them an hour to get all cleaned up,changed and bathroom cleaned.
I've used this with every BOY I've ever potty trained because for whatever reason boys just don't seem to care if they poop in their pants. They do not like to clean(go figure).
I know most people wait for parents to start with potty training but I let my parents know that I start working with children between 2 - 2 1/2 and most kids are fully potty trained here by 2 1/2.
Unless there is a medical reason I think children not fully trained by 3 is just a sign of laziness on the parent and kids fault.Just my opinion!

[Leigh]

I don't change children over the age of 3.Never have and never will! I've probably potty trained 100 plus kids in the past 20 years so I will give you my tips.
I've had children close to three who thought it was fun to poop in their pants. I let them clean it up by themselves,they think it's the most disgusting thing ever and never again have they pooped in their pants.Once I know they can use the toilet I expect them to.
I lay out two large black trash bags on the floor that they stand on,give them wipes, two grocery bags- one for used wipes and one for their poopy clothes. I supervise them the whole time but I have them clean themselves the best they can. When they are done I wash them head to toe in soap and water and have them dress themselves. I then have to sanitize the bathroom and I give them a bucket of water and rag and have them help me. I have an assistant because it usually will take them an hour to get all cleaned up,changed and bathroom cleaned.
I've used this with every BOY I've ever potty trained because for whatever reason boys just don't seem to care if they poop in their pants. They do not like to clean(go figure).
I know most people wait for parents to start with potty training but I let my parents know that I start working with children between 2 - 2 1/2 and most kids are fully potty trained here by 2 1/2.
Unless there is a medical reason I think children not fully trained by 3 is just a sign of laziness on the parent and kids fault.Just my opinion!

This child is developmentally delayed (Fetal exposure to drugs and alcohol), and was abused and neglected as an infant. His caregiver has been trying for over a year to potty train, and the child absolutely refuses to participate. His therapist tells us that this behavior is common with FAE, but it's still disgusting.

I have tried very hard with potty training, as well, but the harder we try to potty train, the more he resists it. I have tried going underwear free with this child in the summertime when we were spending much of the day outdoors-he NEVER went in his pants when he was diaper free, but as soon as he would go back into diapers, he would go. He refuses to use the potty chair or toilet, but as soon as he gets a diaper, he lets loose. We've tried terry-lined underwear and vinyl covers, but the kid uses them like a diaper and makes a bigger mess.

I currently have all boys in my daycare. I have one just under 2 and one just over 2 and both are working on potty training. When this boy sees the others use the toilet, he poops his pants. When he gets angry or doesn't get his way, he poops his pants. It truly ****s to change diapers for a kid this age, but this kid is far from a "normal" kid...he has significant cognitive delays and is basically unable to associate behavior with consequences. He CAN poop when he wants to. He WANTS to go in his pants.

Starting today, he will be cleaning himself up...I hope that helps him WANT to start using the toilet, but I'd be satisfied with him just telling me AFTER the fact that he has went.

[Leigh]

Thanks, ladies, for the advice. The little pooper did NOT like cleaning himself up-it is already NOT funny to him to smear poop all over his diaper. He was angry with me about having to do it, but I reminded him that I told him when he got here that he would be cleaning it up himself from now on, and that I gave him the option of going on the potty and having ME clean it up (If he goes in the diaper-he cleans, if he goes in the potty I clean). I think this is going to help.

[WImom]

Thanks, ladies, for the advice. The little pooper did NOT like cleaning himself up-it is already NOT funny to him to smear poop all over his diaper. He was angry with me about having to do it, but I reminded him that I told him when he got here that he would be cleaning it up himself from now on, and that I gave him the option of going on the potty and having ME clean it up (If he goes in the diaper-he cleans, if he goes in the potty I clean). I think this is going to help.

That's good to hear. Keep us posted. I'm curious to see how long it takes.