Was Going to Term Tonight...

[childcaremom]

the care of a dcg3 that I have had for 4 days.

The main issues:
-parent not providing necessities (changes of clothes) despite repeated reminders and child potty training. I have had to ask each day.
-sending dcg3 in with gum in the morning and not telling me until after. I don't allow outside food (which she knows and already sent stuff home on day 2) PLUS have an infant (never mind that dcg is only 3)
-language (made me blush and it was repeated the entire day despite ignoring, warnings and time outs). Not exaggerating, I heard it over 20 times.

When I told mom about the language, she responded with "I was going to talk to you about that...." so it's not new. Had she "talked to me about that" the dcg would never have started.

They arrived this morning with an armful of clothes, mom stating that they had a talk about proper language, and tuition for the next pay period.

So.... I still want to term as I don't really think this relationship has gotten off to a great start.

Is it enough to just tell her I am no longer able to provide care past Friday? Or should I tell her that I am unhappy with how things are going and feel like we are not a good fit?

I am still well within my contractual trial period so can discontinue care without notice but will offer to watch her until the end of the week.

The mom also signed up saying that she needed care but that she was going to be looking for subsidized care... but may stay. In other words: I need care right now until I can find something cheaper. I don't want to be dangled.

complicating factor: She was recommended by one of my current families

[Cat Herder]

Once Mom leaves (other than language) how is the kids behavior?

[childcaremom]

Once Mom leaves (other than language) how is the kids behavior?

She needs a lot of reminders, talk nicely to our friends, these are the rules, I am the boss, etc. She is sassy to my children ("don't talk to me" "don't touch those" etc). She tried being sassy with me once. She whines, a tattler.

She will not listen to me the first time I tell her to do something. Needs 1 or 2 prompts.

She won't eat for me. Asks for pizza and french fries.

She came from another home daycare but I'm not sure of what the rules or expectations were there.

These are things I could work with her on. I just don't know if this is her 'normal' or just adjusting. I always feel a little concerned with a child who is comfortable and at ease behaving like this in a new environment.

[Blackcat31]

If you really feel they are not the right fit, I'd term immediately.

The first two weeks of any family being here is considered a trial period.

I can term at ANY TIME during the trial period. As can the family.

I would keep it short and simple.

Dear Dcp,

This is written notice of termination of our child care services agreement.

As of xxxx, 2014 I will no longer be available to care for your child.

I've enclosed the number to the local Chidl Care Resource & Referral office to assist you in finding alternate child care arrangements.

Sincerely

Daycare Provider

[childcaremom]

If you really feel they are not the right fit, I'd term immediately.

The first two weeks of any family being here is considered a trial period.

I can term at ANY TIME during the trial period. As can the family.

I would keep it short and simple.

Dear Dcp,

This is written notice of termination of our child care services agreement.

As of xxxx, 2014 I will no longer be available to care for your child.

I've enclosed the number to the local Chidl Care Resource & Referral office to assist you in finding alternate child care arrangements.

Sincerely

Daycare Provider

Thanks. I had planned on a similar letter. Short and sweet.

I'm more worried about what to actually say to her? Do I verbally tell her why? I tend to get overly chatty when I am feeling nervous and awkward.

[MarinaVanessa]

Thanks. I had planned on a similar letter. Short and sweet.

I'm more worried about what to actually say to her? Do I verbally tell her why? I tend to get overly chatty when I am feeling nervous and awkward.

"You know, things havnt gotten off to a good start and I don't feel like this is going to be a good fit. I'm voiding the contract effective today. In this envelope is the official termination letter, your refund for the unused portion of what you paid as well as a receipt for these days that she was here. I'm sorry that it won't work out. Here are her things. Good luck. " then usher to the door.

[Blackcat31]

"You know, things havnt gotten off to a good start and I don't feel like this is going to be a good fit. I'm voiding the contract effective today. In this envelope is the official termination letter, your refund for the unused portion of what you paid as well as a receipt for these days that she was here. I'm sorry that it won't work out. Here are her things. Good luck. " then usher to the door.

This ^^^^^^

YOU take control of the situations and steer it in the direction you need it to go, which is out the door.

Do NOT feel the need to fill the empty and awkward silences.....that only breeds trouble and opens up the doors for negotiation.

If you don't want to continue working with this family, make a clean break now before it gets complicated.

It IS hard but you CAN do it!! happyface

[Play Care]

"You know, things havnt gotten off to a good start and I don't feel like this is going to be a good fit. I'm voiding the contract effective today. In this envelope is the official termination letter, your refund for the unused portion of what you paid as well as a receipt for these days that she was here. I'm sorry that it won't work out. Here are her things. Good luck. " then usher to the door.

It will sound corny, but I would practice this over and over in front of the mirror. I do this because I also tend to get very chatty when I get nervous. I go from "your termed!" To "I'll keep your kids forever and get him a puppy for day care!":: so I started practicing in order to avoid it. I also do "broken record" and just repeat the same phrase over and over - i might change a word or two but essentially it's just the same. This helps me from promising the moon (see above:: ) but yeah, the first few weeks kids are usually on their best behavior. She is already waaaay to comfy...

[My3cents]

the more I stand up for myself and speak the better I get at it. Its not easy.

I always remember when I am nervous if I don't have an answer for something to just respond with I will think that over and get back to you...... this way it doesn't put me on the spot for caving for something I know I don't want.

It's hard hurting someone's feelings, but it is worse putting up with the crummy feelings you have because you caved day after day.

I really liked what MV said but I wouldn't explain much in front of the child. I would just give the parent the letter and a bag with belongings. Some situations you might not have a choice but to be more verbal.

I have a hard time with who is in charge when the parent picks up. Seems to be that the child can be great with me all day and then the minute the parent shows the child has morphed. What I do is let the parent take over, but if the parent fails to step in and the child continues to do stuff they know I would not let them do then I step in. I find this area to be a place where its hard for me to say something but I continue to work on it

[MarinaVanessa]

It will sound corny, but I would practice this over and over in front of the mirror. I do this because I also tend to get very chatty when I get nervous. I go from "your termed!" To "I'll keep your kids forever and get him a puppy for day care!":: so I started practicing in order to avoid it. I also do "broken record" and just repeat the same phrase over and over - i might change a word or two but essentially it's just the same. This helps me from promising the moon (see above:: ) but yeah, the first few weeks kids are usually on their best behavior. She is already waaaay to comfy...

NOT corny at all. I constantly practiced to myself. I'd probly even forget the envelope and have the termination letter, refund check and payment receipt in my hand next to the child's bag of stuff just so I wouldn't forget what to say. In my head I'd literally be:

Say things got to a bad start
Won't work out
Term letter
Refund check
Receipt
Sorry won't work out
Goodbye

Over and over in my head

[childcaremom]

Thanks for the support, ladies!

[Lucy]

Thanks. I had planned on a similar letter. Short and sweet.

I'm more worried about what to actually say to her? Do I verbally tell her why? I tend to get overly chatty when I am feeling nervous and awkward.

I do too!! I would just say, "Well, I don't think this is going to work out for us." with a face kinda like this ... sympathetic. Then if you feel compelled to keep talking, turn the face to and say, "Good thing we have that trial period, right?!"

If she seems shocked and asks why, you could say, "Sometimes it's just not a good fit." That's generic enough. It's not about HER, it's in general terms.

If she persists, just do the again and sympathetically say, "Sorry..."

Definitely offer her the phone number of Resource & Referral, as well as names of newspapers or online sources where she can find care. That's always a good fill-in when you need something to say!!

[childcaremom]

Did it. Had dcg all ready to go, said my thing, handed the envelope, and they left.

Then, big sigh of relief.

Thanks again!

[Blackcat31]

Did it. Had dcg all ready to go, said my thing, handed the envelope, and they left.

Then, big sigh of relief.

Thanks again!

:hug: It IS hard.

Glad you made it!

[melilley]

Did it. Had dcg all ready to go, said my thing, handed the envelope, and they left.

Then, big sigh of relief.

Thanks again!

Whooh! I bet that's a BIG sigh of relief!