Copycat Kid

[WImom]

What are your tricks with the kid that does everything everyone else does or says. DCG is 3y old but never in DC before and seems to have started this. She does the copying for talking too. Will ask me the same question over and over. I'm sure it' totally normal especially since she's never been with other kids but how do I lessen or stop it? It's driving me bonkers!

She also gets yes and no mixed up or picks the 2nd choice many times but really meant the first choice. Any tips there would be great. I have been rephrasing how I stay things after to says no which helps some of the time. She seems to be bossy so sometimes I think she really does know the difference and is choosing "No" but sometimes I don't think she understands.

[Angelsj]

Some children with mild Asperger's, as well as some other issues use echolalia as a means to attempt to communicate. You will also find these kids will answer the last choice, because they really don't understand what you are trying to communicate. Copying play can be part of this, or they may just still be in the parallel play area of development.
It takes some extra patience, but you can lessen these behaviors through structure and helping them understand. Sometimes a visual will help.

I answer a question or respond once, then I am done. Try to ignore repeats (this is not always easy.) They will also do ok with, "That's enough, or stop,now, Joey is talking," as well.
As to the not understanding the choices, offer them visually. One bowl pretzels, one goldfish and let the child pick one.

[Starburst]

What are your tricks with the kid that does everything everyone else does or says. DCG is 3y old but never in DC before and seems to have started this. She does the copying for talking too. Will ask me the same question over and over. I'm sure it' totally normal especially since she's never been with other kids but how do I lessen or stop it? It's driving me bonkers!

When she asks you the same questions over and over again is it to do something (EX:'can I go outside'). I haven't gotten a chance to try this yet, but I read an article about getting kids to stop nagging and negotiating. T he method suggested was called "Asked and Answered". EX: a child asks for a cookie you tell them no, 5 minutes later they ask again but this time you say "did you already ask me that?" yes they did; "and what did I say last time?" you said 'no'; you respond "You asked me that question and I answered. My answer is not going to change." if they ask a question more than once again after that your reply is "asked and answered" (forgot if it said a particular age group to use this on). The first step might also help with recall ('Did you ask this already?' 'What did I say?') which over time could help them to understand that 1 no means no (at least for you, if not the parents ); it may also help her to retain more information by forcing her brain to pay more attention because you will not repeat yourself.

There was one girl (about 3) at the daycare I used to work at who was kind of spacey and she would always ask the same questions over and over and at the worst times but I just assumed that maybe she had a processing issue (couldn't retain much information at once). Sometimes if we were helping an injured child she would ask us 5 times "what are you doing?" or "why are they crying?" {one time it was her little brother and it was because she pushed her him, he fell and had a huge bump on his head }. There was one time I pretty much snapped at her because her brother got his foot caught in a toy and I was trying to get it out and she kept asking me the same questions when I'm trying to help him.

She also gets yes and no mixed up or picks the 2nd choice many times but really meant the first choice. Any tips there would be great. I have been rephrasing how I stay things after to says no which helps some of the time. She seems to be bossy so sometimes I think she really does know the difference and is choosing "No" but sometimes I don't think she understands.

Do the parents say no at home? That's what I don't agree with the "never say no" thing, they have to learn it at some point. I personally would want my children (especially a son) to know the meaning of the word "No". And I wouldn't want my child (especially a daughter) to one day be with someone whose never heard the word 'No'. But anyway (off my soap box), it could also be a mild short term memory (recall) disorder or a processing disorder where she can't retain too much information given at once (that might be why she chooses the second choice when she means the first). Processing disorders could also be a sign of a delay or disconnect between hearing information and actually processing/understanding it; I have that issue sometimes it can make learning concepts (mental or verbal information) a bit more difficult; That's why I learn better from reading, seeing, or practicing. Maybe try working on it for a while (a few weeks) and if nothing improves suggest that the parents seek an intervention specialist

My responses in dark blue.

Article about asked and answered method:

http://www.positiveparentingsolutions.com/parenting/end-child-nagging-negotiating-with-just-three-simple-words

[MCC]

I have a similar DCG here, also 3. She only copies. That is her only interaction. She gets here before anyone else, and my DD doesn't come downstairs until around 10. DCG will sit in the middle of the floor until my DD comes down stairs, for 2 hours! She just sits there, still. As soon as DD gets there she will follow every.step. If DD jumps, she jumps, if DD burps, she "burps", if DD is walking around the room and then trips, DCG will pretend to trip. What really maddens me is when DD breaks a rule, I will be addressing DD, and DCG will go break the same rule. It really annoys us! I do not know what to do about it, and I'm not sure it's concerning, but it is certainly obnoxious.

As far as the "no" thing, is it possible she just doesn't fully understand? I have a DCG 2.5 who is very verbal, but seems to not understand as much as she can talk. I will often say "DCG was that a good choice?" And she will say "yes" even though it was clearly a bad choice.

[TaylorTots]

All of those things together hint to aspbergers to me.

[Angelsj]

I have a similar DCG here, also 3. She only copies. That is her only interaction. She gets here before anyone else, and my DD doesn't come downstairs until around 10. DCG will sit in the middle of the floor until my DD comes down stairs, for 2 hours! She just sits there, still. As soon as DD gets there she will follow every.step. If DD jumps, she jumps, if DD burps, she "burps", if DD is walking around the room and then trips, DCG will pretend to trip. What really maddens me is when DD breaks a rule, I will be addressing DD, and DCG will go break the same rule. It really annoys us! I do not know what to do about it, and I'm not sure it's concerning, but it is certainly obnoxious.

As far as the "no" thing, is it possible she just doesn't fully understand? I have a DCG 2.5 who is very verbal, but seems to not understand as much as she can talk. I will often say "DCG was that a good choice?" And she will say "yes" even though it was clearly a bad choice.

She is learning how to interact with the world through your dd. She doesn't understand how to act, so she is trying to copy someone who seems successful. As to the sitting alone thing, she might do well with something she can place in a row/line, or something that spins, either that she can spin, or that will spin her (like a sit n spin.)

[WImom]

I have a similar DCG here, also 3. She only copies. That is her only interaction. She gets here before anyone else, and my DD doesn't come downstairs until around 10. DCG will sit in the middle of the floor until my DD comes down stairs, for 2 hours! She just sits there, still. As soon as DD gets there she will follow every.step. If DD jumps, she jumps, if DD burps, she "burps", if DD is walking around the room and then trips, DCG will pretend to trip. What really maddens me is when DD breaks a rule, I will be addressing DD, and DCG will go break the same rule. It really annoys us! I do not know what to do about it, and I'm not sure it's concerning, but it is certainly obnoxious.

As far as the "no" thing, is it possible she just doesn't fully understand? I have a DCG 2.5 who is very verbal, but seems to not understand as much as she can talk. I will often say "DCG was that a good choice?" And she will say "yes" even though it was clearly a bad choice.

Does this same copy thing here as you have but with any other child here. She is also the first here and will play but constantly calls me to see something. She is always talking to me when by herself. I am working on that with her because she is an only child and new to daycare I think she is used to one on one all day attention.

[WImom]

Thanks for the info Starburst. I'm going to try all of that.

An example of asking over and over: When I'm making lunch she will ask what is for lunch. I will tell her. As soon as I'm done telling her she will ask again. This week I've been telling her that I already told her and ignore then.

She will say no for many things before even thinking. Today I asked her to move her milk up so she didn't knock it over. She quickly said no. Then I explained it again that so and so has their milk above their plate so it doesn't spill and I moved hers to show her. Then she was okay with it. Sometimes explaining again and showing works and sometimes she will scream and throw a tantrum. I do know mom has admitted DCG will listen to dad but not her. DCG used to laugh at me when I'd disciple her but that has now stopped. I think she is realizing I mean business.

[Starburst]

She will say no for many things before even thinking. Today I asked her to move her milk up so she didn't knock it over. She quickly said no. Then I explained it again that so and so has their milk above their plate so it doesn't spill and I moved hers to show her. Then she was okay with it. Sometimes explaining again and showing works and sometimes she will scream and throw a tantrum. I do know mom has admitted DCG will listen to dad but not her. DCG used to laugh at me when I'd disciple her but that has now stopped. I think she is realizing I mean business.

I've experienced something like that. This last semester I was volunteering/student teaching for a kindergarten class and the teacher had me test some of the children's reading skills in a table in the back of the room. She had me test two of the strongest readers in the class at the same time and they were reading the same book. So, to make sure that they weren't just repeating each other I had one read one page and the other read the next page (did this with all the other kids and no problems). One of the boys was fine with it, but the other boy got upset no matter how many times I told him "He already read that part, were now reading this page." He threw a huge tantrum and had to get his "walking buddy" (another child in the classroom) to take him on a little walk to calm down. Later that day one of the moms who was volunteering (and frequently volunteers) told me that he has a break down almost everyday over little things (super sensitive).

The helper mom actually told me she didn't like that the teacher used a 'buddy walk' to calm him down (the buddy was her son) because then her son is missing out on the lesson to calm the other child down and the other kid does it so often that it might just be an excuse to get out of doing work. He was also smallest kid in class, so he might have been the youngest and not as emotionally mature as the rest of the kids. Probably one of the downsides of the 5 by September birthday cut off for kinder (it was beginning of the school year).