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dcg2 has hit the "i dont have to listen, im in charge, give me what i want, cant keep my hands to myself, tattletail, baby the other dcks stage". ive never had this problem out of her until now and im not handling it well. shes driving me crazy. as soon as the other kids walk in the door shes all over them. taking off their coats poking and touching. i hate to fuss while parents are standing there so i keep saying "dcg go find the baby doll" or "dcg let him have some space". then if she wants something its "give me" or "i want" i call her out and she crosses her arms and stares at me. my quiet chair is getting quite the workout with her. if the infant is with us she constantly forcing the paci in her mouth or trying to hold her. ive tried to get her to just do that with dolls but im goin crazy. she also developed a spitting stage over christmas and is spitting alot. if the 6mnth old starts she does the whole "shes spitting routine". any advice for the obstinate little thing. shes always been a sweetheart here but this is to much .
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I have a 2 yr old dcb here who also was the sweetest, best listener, ever. This past week, he has been horrible! He has been hitting, pushing and yelling at the other kids if they are doing something he doesn't like! It's so out of the norm for him! I have to keep telling him that I am the only one to tell the other kids what to do and if they are bothering him, to tell me and I will move them.
It hasn't worked yet. It must be the Christmas break. -
my only advise is to be proactive about it instead of constantly reacting. Catch her doing good and make sure you are really affirming the food things she does.
It will take some work on your part, but if you are able to spend a day observing her, you will learn where you need to be proactive moving forward.
Is it possible for you to put a gate so that she does not have access to your entry way?Comment
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were in an open room no way to block off entry way.Comment
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knowing that she has issues with wanting to be on top of all of the other kids, is there somewhere she can be that won't allow her access to the front door.
If not, what about tape on the ground. I think I recall NannyDe did something like this. I can't recall who it was.
Basically, you will place some tape on the ground and that is the line that they may not cross. You can train them to stay behind it unless you instruct otherwise.
Before I created a barrier for my front door with cubby shelves, I did the tape. My DCKs are not allowed to be in the foyer area of my house for any reason other than to line up to go outside or to get blankets for nap time.
Can you do something like this?Comment
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i can definitely try itComment
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I use tape on the floor as well (yes, I did read it somewhere on this board) to keep everyone from rushing the front door when someone comes. It is like a magical invisible kryptonite wall. They come right up to it, but they will not cross it. They even understand that they may only cross it if it is their parent on the other side of the tape. Incredible.Comment
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My tone comes across as bossy, it's not meant to be...it's meant to be friendly advice:
At least 5 times a day, I ask a kid "who is in charge here?". Keep reminding them that YOU are. Don't reinforce tattling by listening to it (ignore it, and tell tattletale to mind her own business).
Don't hesitate to "fuss" while other parents are there. If discipline is needed, then use it. A parent would rather see you in control than wonder what happens when they are gone when you don't control the situation when they are there. If she goes after another child when they come in, pick her up and put her in an appropriate spot and tell her to stay there.
Let her cross her arms and stare when she doesn't get her way-don't give her the attention she is seeking with that behavior. Turn away from it.
With the infant: Keep her away. I will put an older child straight into time-out for touching an infant. Kids need to hear constantly: Don't touch baby. Don't touch baby's stuff.
With the spitting, I firmly tell a child that it is not allowed, and they get a damp cloth and have to clean the entire floor of the room they spit on (I don't care that the floor is already clean, they go through the motion of cleaning it, anyway). I think that is a very reasonable consequence for spreading germs and making a disgusting mess on purpose.Comment
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While I agree with natural consequence, I have been taught that it is better to be proactive than reactive. If you are constantly reacting negativity you will create a negative environment for all. If you are able to stop the unwanted behavior before it occurs, your end result will be much more desirable for all. Of course, some children do need tough love, but I always say to kill them with kindness....and to each their own.Comment
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I agree with you 100%, and I use a lot of "time-in", rather than "time-out" to stop a behavior and give a kid a chance to make a good decision before getting in trouble. To me, it sounds like this child is at the "tough love" stage. And I don't think that it has to be done with only negative actions. However, a child needs to have immediate consequences that are predictable AFTER a behavior occurs. When I deal with behaviors as I mentioned earlier, I also try to find an age appropriate way to discuss the situation with the child. A child who misbehaves when other adults are present will get a pep-talk before a situation to discuss expecations: What are we going to do when xxx's Mommy gets here? What are we supposed to do? Try to get the child to make the decision on their own to behave appropriately. When the child does NOT do so, though, a consequence is in order.
I may be tougher than other providers because a majority of my kids are active foster kids with ADHD, ODD, and FAE. Firm and clear rules are the only things that work around here. My discipline plan was developed with the help of a therapist that knows each one of my kids and was tailored to my own specific childcare environment.Comment
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Just a funny side note! I had a gate that denied access to the entry area of my center. It was a gate with a door that opened and closed, you know, the kind you mount right to the doorway and is kinda permanent. Well....it broke one day in the middle of our day, so we had to improvise with a fun "invisible gate" game. The little toddlers would just automatically stop where the gate used to be! Many kids still raised their foot to step over the frame!:
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I never bought a new gate. The invisible gate still works great. ::::::
We do have to give reminders occasionally like "wait for your friend to come in behind the invisible gate." And occasionally new kids are baffled by this strange invisible gate. But they get it once they are shown where the invisible gate is located. ::
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I can understand this completely. I do believe that there is not a one size fits all form of discipline.
I have had kids that no matter how proactive I was they never grew in a positive direction. I had one kid that I had to resort to one and done for the day. It took a good solid 3 months for the kid to get it and he is now one of the better behaved kids here.
I don't know how you do it working with foster kids. My heart is too weak for that it takes a strong person. Kudos to you for that.Comment
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