I Need Biting And Possible Termination Advice

[mrsp'slilpeeps]

I have 2 families that signed on with me in September, both have toddler girls.

In September the older of the 2 bit the same girl 3 times. I told the family that they need to find a way to make her stop this behavior.

Yesterday she bit the same girl again.

Now the family wants to pull their child because she is obviously not safe, the dad is really angry about this and wants to talk to the family.

The family of the biter doesn't really seem phased by their daughter biting and feel its just a phase.

I don't have a biting policy, my contract says it will not be tolerated.

WWYD?

[Play Care]

I think at this point you really have no other option but to term effective immediately and *hope* the other family doesn't pull also. While it probably *is* just a phase, you have no way of knowing how long it's going to last and who else will be bitten before it's over.

[Cat Herder]

In your shoes:

I'd give the "I can no longer meet your child's needs..... last day of care to be on.... Thank you for choosing me....... Wishing you much success in your future....." blah, blah termination since telling them their kid is acting out violently and a risk to your livelihood does not go as smoothly as one would expect....

Then I'd tell DCD Thank you for being patient and trusting my judgment while I attempted to work with child a's needs, but after much effort I have made the decision to let them go for the benefit of the group.

[Michael]

More threads on terminating biters: https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.p...minate+-+biter

[Heidi]

Toddlers sometimes bite. It's ugly and should be dealt with, and I KNOW there are those here that don't agree, but biting and hitting are common behaviors. Undesirable, but it happens.

I personally would not terminate a toddler for biting, although I would terminate an older child for it. I learned after the last time I had rough/violent kids that I was way to willing to try to figure it out, to no avail.

That said, I would sit down with the victim's family first. You are in the process of making a decision, but will they stay if you do? Can you afford, or are you willing, to loose BOTH children? The "biter" may move on to another child if her favorite teething toy is gone, but she may also never bite again. Sometimes, the "victim" provokes, sometimes no.

My 25 month old here bit several times over 3 months. He only bit one child...a boy almost a year older and considerably stronger/bigger. The boy bitten was a body-checker. Push, push, BITE. At 20 months, biter was only trying to defend himself, more or less. Obviously, not a good choice, but we worked through it, and he stopped. He hasn't bitten anyone in months (knock on wood...I said it out loud now).

[Blackcat31]

Toddlers sometimes bite. It's ugly and should be dealt with, and I KNOW there are those here that don't agree, but biting and hitting are common behaviors. Undesirable, but it happens.

I personally would not terminate a toddler for biting, although I would terminate an older child for it. I learned after the last time I had rough/violent kids that I was way to willing to try to figure it out, to no avail.

That said, I would sit down with the victim's family first. You are in the process of making a decision, but will they stay if you do? Can you afford, or are you willing, to loose BOTH children? The "biter" may move on to another child if her favorite teething toy is gone, but she may also never bite again. Sometimes, the "victim" provokes, sometimes no.

My 25 month old here bit several times over 3 months. He only bit one child...a boy almost a year older and considerably stronger/bigger. The boy bitten was a body-checker. Push, push, BITE. At 20 months, biter was only trying to defend himself, more or less. Obviously, not a good choice, but we worked through it, and he stopped. He hasn't bitten anyone in months (knock on wood...I said it out loud now).

I DO agree that biting is sometimes a common behavior (albeit undesireable) but common in some kids nonetheless.

However, I view biting just like any other behavior that isn't conducive to GROUP care.
In other words, if ONE child's behavior proves to be a risk or danger to others, THAT child needs to go.

I can NOT risk other kids being hurt/bit and I certainly can't risk MY financial stability simply because ONE family has the unfortunate issue of having a biter.

THEY need to figure out how to manage that. Either via a nanny, new care arrangements or whatever.

Just like a kid who hits others
or spits
or swears
or pushes
or kicks
or screams all day

Kids with those types of unwanted behaviors get ONE chance to work through it and if it isn't solved, they gotta go.

It's sad and not at all the outcome I prefer but I HAVE to do what's best for the group as I am a GROUP care provider not a nanny.

[Heidi]

I DO agree that biting is sometimes a common behavior (albeit undesireable) but common in some kids nonetheless.

However, I view biting just like any other behavior that isn't conducive to GROUP care.
In other words, if ONE child's behavior proves to be a risk or danger to others, THAT child needs to go.

I can NOT risk other kids being hurt/bit and I certainly can't risk MY financial stability simply because ONE family has the unfortunate issue of having a biter.

THEY need to figure out how to manage that. Either via a nanny, new care arrangements or whatever.

Just like a kid who hits others
or spits
or swears
or pushes
or kicks
or screams all day

Kids with those types of unwanted behaviors get ONE chance to work through it and if it isn't solved, they gotta go.

It's sad and not at all the outcome I prefer but I HAVE to do what's best for the group as I am a GROUP care provider not a nanny.

I totally get that. For me, it doesn't; always work in practice (hence the fact that screamer baby is still here).

[Play Care]

I DO agree that biting is sometimes a common behavior (albeit undesireable) but common in some kids nonetheless.

However, I view biting just like any other behavior that isn't conducive to GROUP care.
In other words, if ONE child's behavior proves to be a risk or danger to others, THAT child needs to go.

I can NOT risk other kids being hurt/bit and I certainly can't risk MY financial stability simply because ONE family has the unfortunate issue of having a biter.

THEY need to figure out how to manage that. Either via a nanny, new care arrangements or whatever.

Just like a kid who hits others
or spits
or swears
or pushes
or kicks
or screams all day

Kids with those types of unwanted behaviors get ONE chance to work through it and if it isn't solved, they gotta go.

It's sad and not at all the outcome I prefer but I HAVE to do what's best for the group as I am a GROUP care provider not a nanny.

[Heidi]

Not trying to change anyone's mind, but I just found this resource in my favorites.

http://www.zerotothree.org/child-development/challenging-behavior/chew-on-this-resources-on-biting.html

[Cat Herder]

Not trying to change anyone's mind, but I just found this resource in my favorites.

http://www.zerotothree.org/child-dev...on-biting.html

I think most of us fully understand these things and it is great information for new parents to have handy so they don't take it personally when they are asked to leave a child care setting.

As business owners, however, we have a duty to protect the others in care.

The biter typically has a parent or two who have the ultimate responsibility to parent their own child. Placing a "parenting" level responsibility on a "care provider/early educator" simply is not a feasible expectation.

[Leigh]

I will tolerate a LITTLE bit of biting, when it is age appropriate. A biting 4-year old goes out the door. A biting 16 month old will get some chances.

As a provider, part of my job is to PREVENT bites. It's tough. I can't ALWAYS do it. But, once I know I have a biter, I keep them VERY close for several weeks after a bite occurs. I discuss with both parents, let them know that I have a plan, give suggestions to the biter's parents on dealing with it, and let them know that I can not allow it to continue.

The biter WILL stop biting (someday). If it is down to a parent being willing to pull over it, then it is probably time for you to make a decision about which family you would rather keep. If the biter is targeting the same child each time, the situation could be resolved by EITHER child leaving.

I would weigh which family I want to keep based on their merits, and proceed from there. If the biter's family is a better fit, you can try to convince the other family to give it time (don't be surprised if they don't, and don't be surprised if they bad mouth you after you let them walk away, either). If the other family is the one you want to keep, simply tell the biter's parents that you can no longer keep their little barracuda because the biting is endangering another child.

Sometimes, you can work it out by discussing your plan with BOTH parents, and keeping the kids separated as much as possible, as well as working with modeling good behaviors. Here's a book from a series that I LOVE: http://www.amazon.com/Teeth-Biting-B...not+for+biting that really seems to hit home with the little ones and help turn behaviors around.