Lack of Eye Contact?

[daycarediva]

New dcb, started Monday.

Here is what I am seeing. Is this normal? Any advice or experience would be helpful.

3yo, does not make eye contact at all, ever, even if you ask that he look at you, he moves his head in your direction but his eyes will NOT focus on yours.

Not at all social, does not attempt (much) to play with the other kids. When he does, he tries to get them involved in his play because he needs a 'stand in' for his game. Tries to get them to say a specific phrase.

Responds OK to pretty much everything, even if it's a question. Doesn't seem to actually comprehend the question or request, though. eg. Go wash your hands, please. He says "Ok." and wanders into the play room.

Doesn't understand hugs, high fives, or anything like that. Stands there awkwardly with arms half out when another child hugs him. Have yet to see him cry. He has very little reaction when mom leaves/arrives, never asks for her. When another child said she missed her Mommy, he said "Miss Mommy?" and walked away.

Eats great, naps great, loves outside, no major behavioral issues.

[Annalee]

New dcb, started Monday.

Here is what I am seeing. Is this normal? Any advice or experience would be helpful.

3yo, does not make eye contact at all, ever, even if you ask that he look at you, he moves his head in your direction but his eyes will NOT focus on yours.

Not at all social, does not attempt (much) to play with the other kids. When he does, he tries to get them involved in his play because he needs a 'stand in' for his game. Tries to get them to say a specific phrase.

Responds OK to pretty much everything, even if it's a question. Doesn't seem to actually comprehend the question or request, though. eg. Go wash your hands, please. He says "Ok." and wanders into the play room.

Doesn't understand hugs, high fives, or anything like that. Stands there awkwardly with arms half out when another child hugs him. Have yet to see him cry. He has very little reaction when mom leaves/arrives, never asks for her. When another child said she missed her Mommy, he said "Miss Mommy?" and walked away.

Eats great, naps great, loves outside, no major behavioral issues.

Lack of eye contact w/poor communication skills sounds a little like autism???????

[daycarediva]

Which is what I was thinking, possibly aspergers? He has no speech delay. Maybe just severe lack of social skills. He has never been in daycare or around kids his own age much before.

My ds has more classical asd (higher functioning, but classic).

This child can speak full, articulate sentences, and asd typically have speech issues.

"I went to the circus and saw huge elephants there! Do you like elephants?"

"Yes, I like elephants! What other animals did you see at the circus?"

"Ok."

:confused: even if you repeat the question, he still says OK. He also makes blanket observations, "She is eating with her fingers." "So are you. It's a finger food." "Ok."

He is also SUPER easy going, no issues with change of routine or anything, which is not lining up with asd. He doesn't cry or have behavioral issues, behaves beautifully actually.

[Annalee]

Which is what I was thinking, possibly aspergers? He has no speech delay. Maybe just severe lack of social skills. He has never been in daycare or around kids his own age much before.

My ds has more classical asd (higher functioning, but classic).

This child can speak full, articulate sentences, and asd typically have speech issues.

"I went to the circus and saw huge elephants there! Do you like elephants?"

"Yes, I like elephants! What other animals did you see at the circus?"

"Ok."

:confused: even if you repeat the question, he still says OK. He also makes blanket observations, "She is eating with her fingers." "So are you. It's a finger food." "Ok."

He is also SUPER easy going, no issues with change of routine or anything, which is not lining up with asd. He doesn't cry or have behavioral issues, behaves beautifully actually.

I had a child at dc with aspergers, and he didn't have behavior issues and handled routines well. He started school this year. His mom text me to let me know he was reading on a third grade level. AMAZING!!!!!

I think you are right....Autism can be different for many....my guess is a form of autism for him as well.

[KIDZRMYBIZ]

Had to chime in...I have a 3yo dcb that was just like that when he started here. No eye contact, replied to everything with a quiet "ok," and would basically just "shut down" any time he was redirected or scolded (usually for rowdy play-not allowed here with babies crawling around). I thought maybe he was having difficulty adjusting to a place with rules and consistency, or maybe developmentally delayed.

Then, his dad walked out on them. Very shortly after, he became a brand-new kid! Very engaging, sweet and funny little boy. I don't know what was going on in their home (although I certainly have my suspicions), but it's obviously much better for him now. Dad dropped back into their lives just this week. Dcm says he's "visiting" for Christmas. It is all a very weird situation to me, but I try not to be judgmental.

Maybe your kid has some unhappiness at home, too, that causes him to act like that. Maybe asking some of the right questions will get to the bottom of it.

[e.j.]

I think you are right....Autism can be different for many....my guess is a form of autism for him as well.

I was thinking the same thing. Any indication his parents are seeing the same things at home?

[MarinaVanessa]

What ethnicity is he? In some Asian, Muslim, African (from Africa) and middle eastern cultures eye contact is a form of disrespect.

[daycarediva]

What ethnicity is he? In some Asian, Muslim, African (from Africa) and middle eastern cultures eye contact is a form of disrespect.

Not applicable, he's an upper middle class white kid from the burbs.


Maybe it is due to home issues. Mom is just going back to work (was a sahm) and the parents are splitting after the new year. Staying together through Christmas to not ruin his holiday.

[daycarediva]

I sent Mom an email saying how his week went and mentioned (as mildly as I could) what I saw. She responded back and tacked on the VERY END of the email was "Oh ya, his pediatrician says he has PDD NOS but he will be fine so no worries."



WHAT!???!?! He has a developmental disorder and you say 'no worries'.


I don't even know how to respond. He won't be here at all this week (on vacation for Christmas) and only two days next week. He DEFINITELY should be getting SOME kind of therapy.

[e.j.]

. He DEFINITELY should be getting SOME kind of therapy.

Not to mention a new pediatrician who has a better understanding of PDD!

This really upsets me. I ran into several "professionals" who totally downplayed my son's autism and talked as though it was no big deal. From teachers to school administrators, to therapist to neuropsychologists....their ignorance of Asperger's and how it affects those who have it was astounding to me. Although he is doing well - relatively speaking - these people were so clueless about the struggles he would face then as a student and now as an adult.

I hope this mom wakes up and educates herself about her son's diagnosis. She will need to be a strong advocate for him, especially once he hits the school years.

[daycarediva]

Not to mention a new pediatrician who has a better understanding of PDD!

This really upsets me. I ran into several "professionals" who totally downplayed my son's autism and talked as though it was no big deal. From teachers to school administrators, to therapist to neuropsychologists....their ignorance of Asperger's and how it affects those who have it was astounding to me. Although he is doing well - relatively speaking - these people were so clueless about the struggles he would face then as a student and now as an adult.

I hope this mom wakes up and educates herself about her son's diagnosis. She will need to be a strong advocate for him, especially once he hits the school years.

ITA! My son has asd, higher functioning, can't be classified as aspergers because he was speech delayed, that sort of thing. They offered him 30m/week of st at first! INSANE!

[Unregistered]

I sent Mom an email saying how his week went and mentioned (as mildly as I could) what I saw. She responded back and tacked on the VERY END of the email was "Oh ya, his pediatrician says he has PDD NOS but he will be fine so no worries."



WHAT!???!?! He has a developmental disorder and you say 'no worries'.


I don't even know how to respond. He won't be here at all this week (on vacation for Christmas) and only two days next week. He DEFINITELY should be getting SOME kind of therapy.

In your contract paperwork do you have anything for listing medical issues or anything like that? I do for many reasons. I would terminate based on the fact that they didn't tell you. That's important information to tell a provider.

[daycarediva]

In your contract paperwork do you have anything for listing medical issues or anything like that? I do for many reasons. I would terminate based on the fact that they didn't tell you. That's important information to tell a provider.

I don't have anything in my contract that covers a term for non disclosure. You bet your butt I just added it in though!!!

[Annalee]

I sent Mom an email saying how his week went and mentioned (as mildly as I could) what I saw. She responded back and tacked on the VERY END of the email was "Oh ya, his pediatrician says he has PDD NOS but he will be fine so no worries."



WHAT!???!?! He has a developmental disorder and you say 'no worries'.


I don't even know how to respond. He won't be here at all this week (on vacation for Christmas) and only two days next week. He DEFINITELY should be getting SOME kind of therapy.

WOW!!! DCM should have discussed this with you before enrollment. In my state, providers have to have a specific plan for diagnosed disorders and will be assessed on how well we implement this plan.

I have a disclaimer (which licensing helped me write) that states I DO NOT provide care for serious issues that would require a separate one-on-one caregiver, nor do I have the space to separate a child from the others on a daily basis....This disclaimer is tied to to financial burdens as well as space arrangement in my program.

As I stated earlier, I did have a child with aspergers but there were NO major negative issues related to him.... Good luck to you!

[e.j.]

In your contract paperwork do you have anything for listing medical issues or anything like that? I do for many reasons. I would terminate based on the fact that they didn't tell you. That's important information to tell a provider.

I get where you're coming from but if dcm isn't familiar with PDD and her child's pediatrician has told her, "he'll be fine so no worries", she probably doesn't realize how very important that information is to us as providers. She may have failed to disclose his diagnosis not because she was trying to hide it but because she truly didn't think it was of any importance, kwim?

Rather than term her, I'd ask her to meet with me to discuss his diagnosis, behaviors, etc. I would also try to impress upon her the importance of learning as much as possible about PDD and getting him any therapies he might need as soon as possible. Since there are no major behavioral issues, if I were in daycarediva's place, I'd almost want to keep this family with me even more! Having raised a child of my own with autism, I have a soft spot for these kids and would be worried his next provider might not have the experience and understanding needed to care for him. That's just me, though.