Need Advice - Job Offer

[craftymissbeth]

I currently have my 5 yo niece and 6 mo nephew as dck's. They are moving out of state so that mom, my sister, and dad can work for a construction company.

My sister is having a very difficult time finding a daycare she trusts so she asked me if I would move up there with them (northern Missouri... I live in south central kansas) and be her live in nanny. I would pay 0 expenses except for helping with groceries.

They will be working 6am to 6pm and I would be responsible for the kids as well as the home... like cleaning and cooking... during the work week.

I jokingly said "sure, as long as I make more than I do now with the dat are". She asked how much I make which is $1300 a month. And she said "we can easily afford between $1500-$2000 a month."




I'm totally considering it! But I still need to talk to dh.

Pros:
Only TWO kids to care for AND make more than I do now (plus my ds)
No daycare in my home
No daycare expenses
Finally have a reason to homeschool ds who is in 1st grade

Cons:
Being away from dh (although tbh that could be a pro depending on the day)
Being away from my home
Driving home 6 hours every weekend to see dh


WWYD? Is it worth it?

DH still needs to give me his opinion on it, but the money is good enough and the daycare will go buh bye for now (I can always get relicensed later on).. and he's all about the $$$ usually.

Advice would be appreciated!

[craftymissbeth]

Let me clarify: mom=my sister and dad=my BIL

[bloominggenius]

Never mix business with family

Where do I begin?

First of all, your marriage is a priority here. Unless you are unhappy and considering leaving your spouse, understand that this will put a huge strain on your family.
Second, consider that fact that you will be living with family in their home on their terms with their rules. Once you move you will be away from your friends and support group.
Last of all, have you explored how much you would make replacing these kids with daycare children you are not related to? Your income does not seem very high and if you could make more, stay in your own home and build a successful business it seems worth a try.
I make a rule of only doing daycare for family in the short term or in an emergency. If things go wrong it can tear a family apart. They are in my opinion asking something they shouldn't of you. I would never ask my sister to leave her husband and her home just so I didn't have to find childcare.
You can make $500 a week as a nanny for one child if you are willing to move away from where you live, and have benefits, a car and no living expenses. But you give up a lot when you move under someone else's roof, because you have no privacy and your employer can judge what you do on your personal time and how you keep house. This is a dangerous idea. Make sure you get a contract in writing with a severance if it doesn't work out.

[craftymissbeth]

As far as friends and family go this sister IS my best friend. I know how she and her husband live and they are very laid back nonjudgemental people. Family - they all live up there and work for the same company... so I'd be closer to them but farther away from dh... our marriage IS rocky and he often spends up to 3-4 days at his family's home a half hour away because it's "closer to work"... but really it's because our marriage sadly does better when we don't spend every day together.

I get what you're saying, but as far as relationships and friendships that's not an issue at all.

Income wise - I don't give her a discount so even if I replace them my income will stay the same. It's where I feel comfortable ratio wise because I take mostly infants. My small town has 40+ day cares and hardly any take infants. If I try to get older children in (in order to have more income) I will struggle greatly.

[Lucy]

It's about $100 a week in gas, plus wear and tear on your vehicle to the tune of about 35,000 miles per year. Just estimating based on 6 hours each way, each week.

(If I figured it right!!! :confused: )

[cheerfuldom]

I personally could never live away from my spouse like that nor would I want my children to. I think it is better to be together and working hard than apart plus those 6 hours are going to be killer back and forth every weekend. Moving, pulling your kid out of school, and whatnot will be a big change for your son. If I did this, it would only be if everyone in my family went and we started over in this new town together.

Now I know you say that your marriage is rocky and I would think that with this big change, you may love it so much and put down some roots and decide to just move on. I can't imagine that a marriage where people willingly live apart from each other is something that will last. Maybe this would give you the support you need to start over.

I don't know. It would never work for me but I hope whatever you decide, that things work out for you.

[Scout]

Where do I begin?

First of all, your marriage is a priority here. Unless you are unhappy and considering leaving your spouse, understand that this will put a huge strain on your family.
Second, consider that fact that you will be living with family in their home on their terms with their rules. Once you move you will be away from your friends and support group.
Last of all, have you explored how much you would make replacing these kids with daycare children you are not related to? Your income does not seem very high and if you could make more, stay in your own home and build a successful business it seems worth a try.
I make a rule of only doing daycare for family in the short term or in an emergency. If things go wrong it can tear a family apart. They are in my opinion asking something they shouldn't of you. I would never ask my sister to leave her husband and her home just so I didn't have to find childcare.
You can make $500 a week as a nanny for one child if you are willing to move away from where you live, and have benefits, a car and no living expenses. But you give up a lot when you move under someone else's roof, because you have no privacy and your employer can judge what you do on your personal time and how you keep house. This is a dangerous idea. Make sure you get a contract in writing with a severance if it doesn't work out.

I agree. I think if your marriage can be discredited so easily that you and dh would rather spend most days apart then perhaps you guys could really benefit from counseling, if you would both agree to go. I know it sounds like a good offer but, really, I think if you think about it over a few days you may find you feel differently. I would make sure you really want to pursue it before talking to your husband though. No need to rock the boat if you aren't sure. Just try to imagine how you would feel if he were to MOVE away for 5 nights out of the week. I know you said he stays at a families home 4 nights a week but, would you feel differently if he actually MOVED there for most of the week verses just staying there. Not sure if that made sense or not but, please tread carefully and I hope you don't find this critical as it is just meant to help you.

[Lil'DinoEggs]

My spouse is active duty military and we have spent a lot of time apart (from days to a year). I have friends who have husbands that have been become contractors so that they leave for four months, come back two months, leave for another four months. My FIL was a salesman and he was on the road m-f and only slept in their home on friday/sat/sun nights for 20 something years.

My point is that you can have a happy healthy family and be a part for a lot of time. It will not be easy, but honestly, is there a perfect family situation? I know just many people who have destroyed their families being together every day.

I agree with talking with a neutral third party to discuss important issues: how are your finances, how do you agree with parenting, how well do you trust each other, where are you on communication. This could be a perfect situation if your marriage is strong enough.