4 Year Old Running The Show Here And Home

[sierrastreasures]

I'm exhausted thinking of ways to keep 4 yo dcb entertained. Although it's too early to detect ADD, I'm suspecting he does. He is always fidgeting, can't stay focused on one toy more than 1 minute.

My daycare looks like a small toy store with enough toys, books, and activities to keep any child happy. At nap he is rolling back and forth, kicking off his covers, making noises and not being able to settle down. Today I gave him books to read during naptime since he finds it hard to settle down.

He reads one page and then back into the book bin it goes taking another. After 10 books in less than 1 minutes. The flipping of pages during nap time is so loud that although it's entertaining to him, it's driving me NUTS!

DCM arrived yesterday, eyes swollen, I could tell she had been crying dealing with her son's melt down yesterday morning, She told me he would not get up or dress himself. After fighting with him to get ready she was now 40 minutes late for work and has already been repremanded for being late one too many times. I offered to keep the 2 year old free of charge overnight but she declined stating she needs to cure this or it would continue to get out of hand.

I gave this child an incintive of a certain craft that he likes and a movie during nap time if he would not wake his mommy at night or in the morning as well as get dressed this morning all by himself. Guess what, didn't work. He woke everyone as I stated earlier at 5 AM and today was so terrible that both he and his brother are so tired. 4 yo has constantly picked fights with other children. Help what would you suggest?

[Blackcat31]

I sooo feel for you! It does sound like he is the one running the show. Instead of having ADHD though, maybe he is over stimulated? If there are so many toys and so many choices then it can get to be a bit much. My son was this way from birth. He NEVER ever took naps and to this day he lives on about 5 hours sleep (which is odd now b/c he is 19....don't teenagers sleep all day?!?) Anyways, it may be that you just have to get really creative with him in managing his behavior. For example my son did not respond to any type of reward or punishment...SERIOUSLY! He told me to go ahead and spank him on several occassions!! ( I did NOT spank my children)We figured out that he gets from A to B like others but he just takes a different path. When I told my daughter she could get a $1 when we left the store if she was good, she responded well and behaved so she could earn the $1, my son didn't care and after he got in trouble once he figured what the heck and just got worse! Finally one day a friend (A grandmother wouldn't ya know..) said reward him first. I was like::confused: ?????.
So it went like this:
I gave him 4 quarters and said "If I have to remind you not to touch things or run off, you will have to give me one of your quarters. If you have a 4 quarters when we leave, you may spend them on a treat." It was like a magic potion! He knew what I expected and acted accordingly. For him, he needed something concrete and not an empty promise that he might get something. Since he had something in his possession he was more willing to comply.
I know this doesn't necessarily help your situation but I was only trying to point out that there are 100 ways to get from A to B and everyone has their own way. He does not necessarily have ADHD, he may just function in a completely different way.
My son was like a small tornado and I seriously thought of committing myself! He hated large groups, white noise and anything that over stimulated him. All those things caused him to act horrible. In the end he had to learn ways to deal with this issue on his own as he grew older and I am proud to say that today at 19 he is a wonderfully sensitive young man who still gets over stimulated by lots of things but knows how to deal with it after years of learning little tricks and behavioral modification. Good Luck! I do feel for you..it is probably harder on mom than on you. She has tolive with him! LOL!

[Unregistered]

It is possiable he is ADHD. My 7 year old is ADHD and before behavioral therpay and a pshychiatrist who has him on meds he was very hard to handle. The signs my Son showed with his ADHD where VERY impulsive he would run across the street with out looking, hit without thinking, very defiant would do things when I would say no dont jump off the couch again well he would do it again, very hyper always running, playing, jumping, couldnt sit still to even eat, couldnt stay still at school, would forgot quickly if asked to do something, he would have rages when he was overstimulated or frustrated which was very often, NO punishment worked for him, he really didnt have a filter of what was right and wrong. I feel SO sorry for that Mom I have been there it is VERY hard just try to sit her down and talk with her about what you see and tell her to tell you what she sees and maybe suggest she takes him to a psychiatrist for testing. Good luck and good job for looking for answers instead of giving up on this little boy.

[sierrastreasures]

I gave him 4 quarters and said "If I have to remind you not to touch things or run off, you will have to give me one of your quarters. If you have a 4 quarters when we leave, you may spend them on a treat." It was like a magic potion! He knew what I expected and acted accordingly.

Thank you Blackcat31, that made a lot of sence of rewarding him first and then subtracting for each time he acts up. So this is what I've done today. I have 4 small crafts for each child to create tomorrow. I told him each time he is rude to another child I will take one craft away out of his cubby. It's now close to the end of nap and he has been on the best behavior. This was the best idea I've heard of in a long time and it makes sense. Thank you for making things brighter today.

[Blackcat31]

I am so happy to hear it worked! Hang in there because it does take a little bit of sideways thinking and a little more effort than normal, but where there is a will there is a way! Good luck!

[WImom]

Blackcat - I'd love a book that gave ideas off different situations of rewarding first. That would so work on my 6y old. She is also one that could care less if she isn't reward right away.

Thanks for the tip, you got me thinking now .

Sierratreasure - glad he was much better at nap today. Hopefully mom can use this technique and try it at home.

[missnikki]

I admit that this was one of those threads that inspired me to try something new with my whirling dervish of a 13yo dd.
Thanks for the great ideas!