Anyone Care to Share?

[coolconfidentme]

Sharing. It seems to be a daily struggle with DCKs today. Mondays are the worse. Parents need to teach their kids to share. I don't care if they are an only child..., sharing wasn't an option when I raised my children. It isn't an option here either. I'm a daycare provider, not a teacher or a parent. I think I'm going to start making it part of my interview process & ask the potential clients how they teach sharing.

Who else deals with this?

[Unregistered]

For me it depends on the situation. I have some children that almost never pick their own toy from a shelf. They just follow others around whining I want it. If a child is activity playing with a toy I will not ask them to give up the toy. Instead I direct the other child to politely ask ONCE if they may play with it. If no, then they are directed to pick one of the other 100 toys in the room. I do not force sharing. Often what I find is when the child surrenders their toy to the other whining for it, then when they move on to another toy it starts all over with the i want its. Mine are all under 3 though, might be different if they were older. When they do share I do point out how nice it was of them.

[caregiver]

I deal with this daily!!! I have one 2 yr old dcg who is a only child and has trouble sharing, she always will say"mine". So I tell her all the toys are to share with everyone and I have taken many toys away when they don't share and they get put away for awhile.
Then I have a 2 yr old dcg & her 4 yr old brother who came to me after having a nanny at home for their entire life and never had to share with anyone except the 2 of them. They always got their way with the nanny and I don't believe she did any disciplining, just gave in to the kids.
These 2 kids had never even been out of their own home for a whole day before they came to me, so that was a huge adjustment for them also. So it has been a challenge teaching these two how to share with the other kids. It is a constant battle everyday here. They have been with me now for 7 months.

[Annalee]

Sharing. It seems to be a daily struggle with DCKs today. Mondays are the worse. Parents need to teach their kids to share. I don't care if they are an only child..., sharing wasn't an option when I raised my children. It isn't an option here either. I'm a daycare provider, not a teacher or a parent. I think I'm going to start making it part of my interview process & ask the potential clients how they teach sharing.

Who else deals with this?

As I have stated in other posts, I think "parents" are selfish/high-maintenance therefore dck are the same way.....If parents and/or children want it they get it, and it doesn't seem to matter who/what is in the way....not sure how to fix it??? I implement rules/expectations but you are right, by Monday it starts all over again... I also find when discussing these issues with parents, they think you are talking about other parents, not them.....They don't feel they have an issue at all with themselves or their kids...

[Sugar Magnolia]

I teach sharing and waiting your turn together. My speech:
"Sharing means we let other children have a turn. Sharing does NOT mean 'he has that toy and I want it.' If you would like a turn, you have to wait until he is done. When he is done, he will share it with you, then its your turn."
Having multiples of popular items is best. Otherwise, wait your turn and share when you're done is the rule. I will bust out the timer and put a time limit if someone is having trouble either waiting or sharing.

[caregiver]

I teach sharing and waiting your turn together. My speech:
"Sharing means we let other children have a turn. Sharing does NOT mean 'he has that toy and I want it.' If you would like a turn, you have to wait until he is done. When he is done, he will share it with you, then its your turn."
Having multiples of popular items is best. Otherwise, wait your turn and share when you're done is the rule. I will bust out the timer and put a time limit if someone is having trouble either waiting or sharing.

[TwinKristi]

I teach sharing and waiting your turn together. My speech:
"Sharing means we let other children have a turn. Sharing does NOT mean 'he has that toy and I want it.' If you would like a turn, you have to wait until he is done. When he is done, he will share it with you, then its your turn."
Having multiples of popular items is best. Otherwise, wait your turn and share when you're done is the rule. I will bust out the timer and put a time limit if someone is having trouble either waiting or sharing.

Yes!!!

I was talking to dh about this and he laughed because we have 6 kids and rarely if EVER have sharing issues with our kids and even the baby didn't know the word "mine" until the DCB said it and his sister probably taught him! Dh suspects that the parents encourage her to say "no J, this this is mine, you can play with this" and give him something else. He's VERY possessive and even if in have 2 of the same toys, (even 3!) he will fight over one! I even had dh watch because he didn't understand my frustration during outside play time. Sure enough J was in one of the cozy coupes, had a basketball, a soccer ball and wanted to drag a little scooter behind him and if anyone wanted to play with any of those 3 extra toys he flipped out!

[melilley]

I actually have 2 dcm's who are always talking to their kids about sharing. One dcb was only around 12 months old when I mentioned something about someone wanting a toy he had or something like that and she said that her older child knew how to share at that age so L should too. (not sure if he really knew how to at that age, dcm is always saying things that I question)

The other dcb is 2 and his mom is always telling him to share. He kind of does, but it's hard for him to.

At what age do you think it's developmentally appropriate to expect them to know how to share?

[daycarediva]

Yes!!!

I was talking to dh about this and he laughed because we have 6 kids and rarely if EVER have sharing issues with our kids and even the baby didn't know the word "mine" until the DCB said it and his sister probably taught him! Dh suspects that the parents encourage her to say "no J, this this is mine, you can play with this" and give him something else. He's VERY possessive and even if in have 2 of the same toys, (even 3!) he will fight over one! I even had dh watch because he didn't understand my frustration during outside play time. Sure enough J was in one of the cozy coupes, had a basketball, a soccer ball and wanted to drag a little scooter behind him and if anyone wanted to play with any of those 3 extra toys he flipped out!

I had one like this. I have 12 ride on cars. I have at least 2 of each type/style. When dcb started, he would be on one car, screaming that he wanted the other. I had a few kids just 'give in' and give it up to him, and then he would scream when they touched the other one. Phew. It was EXHAUSTING.

I have 4 kids, they learned to share early and often. LOL!


I handle sharing as a PP does. I have the child ask for a turn when someone is finished, then I only assist them in finding something else to play with until that person is done. Mine all share wonderfully now, ages 2-4.5, but it took time and lots of modeling. I also have ZERO duplicates indoors. I know, mean provider.

[JoseyJo]

As I have stated in other posts, I think "parents" are selfish/high-maintenance therefore dck are the same way.....If parents and/or children want it they get it, and it doesn't seem to matter who/what is in the way....not sure how to fix it??? I implement rules/expectations but you are right, by Monday it starts all over again... I also find when discussing these issues with parents, they think you are talking about other parents, not them.....They don't feel they have an issue at all with themselves or their kids...

I agree- the children that are the worst at taking turns here (after 2.5 or so, most have trouble before that I think) are the ones whose parents don't really want them to share. They want their child to have everything, think they deserve everything, that they should never wait, never be sad, never cry.

[coolconfidentme]

I teach sharing and waiting your turn together. My speech:
"Sharing means we let other children have a turn. Sharing does NOT mean 'he has that toy and I want it.' If you would like a turn, you have to wait until he is done. When he is done, he will share it with you, then its your turn."
Having multiples of popular items is best. Otherwise, wait your turn and share when you're done is the rule. I will bust out the timer and put a time limit if someone is having trouble either waiting or sharing.

This is what I do too. It seems like every new child doesn't get the concept & will either try to hoard toys or watch a kid like a hawk to set something down so they can grab it. Today a child was pour play milk into a cup & another snatched up the cup & said, "She wasn't touching it!" ARG! Parents just need to parent their child & not rely on their provider to do it all for them.

[craftymissbeth]

Reading through these posts I'm not sure what everyone's definition of sharing is.

To me, sharing means that if one child has a toy he should not have to give it up or "take turns" just because another child comes up and says they want to play with it too. The second child needs to learn to accept "no" as an acceptable answer (after they ask politely to play) and move on to something else.

Or is everyone having problems with the second child ^?

Maybe I'm just a meanie

[daycarediva]

Reading through these posts I'm not sure what everyone's definition of sharing is.

To me, sharing means that if one child has a toy he should not have to give it up or "take turns" just because another child comes up and says they want to play with it too. The second child needs to learn to accept "no" as an acceptable answer (after they ask politely to play) and move on to something else.

Or is everyone having problems with the second child ^?

Maybe I'm just a meanie

That's how I do it, too. As an adult, I wouldn't find it acceptable for my husband to come over and change the channel on something I was watching because he wants a turn with the tv. Hubby needs to ask politely, and wait his turn. Same with the kids.

[craftymissbeth]

That's how I do it, too. As an adult, I wouldn't find it acceptable for my husband to come over and change the channel on something I was watching because he wants a turn with the tv. Hubby needs to ask politely, and wait his turn. Same with the kids.

Ok I wasn't sure... I have family members who drive me crazy because they think their kids should be able to have a toy they want just because they say so. They'll say "ok, A, you've had that for quite awhile and now B wants a turn."

Uh, no.

[Luna]

When I think of sharing, I'm thinking about a group of things...like a bucket of blocks, cars, etc. I do have dcks who will want all of them for themselves and not share. I have a DCG who likes to play with all of the dolls at once and it's hard for her to give one up when someone else wants one.
I don't ask anyone to give up what they're playing with because someone else wants it. The child wanting the toy asks the other to please let them know when they're done with it. And then they breathe down their neck until they give it up.