My Son Jonathan Doesn't Think He is Creative

[Michael]

My son Jonathan came to me last night and was visibly upset. When I asked him what was wrong he stated simply “I am not creative”! I really didn’t understand what he was talking about. He explained that he was thinking of giving up his piano lessons. I wondered why he was quitting something that has brought much joy to our household. Jonathan is a very good pianist. I’ve played the keyboard my whole life and Jonathan is far, far better than I am. He said he can read and play music but as much as he tries he could not compose a song.

My son is very intelligent. He was tested at 165 IQ when he was 5 years old. He wasn’t just five but really a college smart child at that age to me. He has excelled in everything he puts his mind too. Even NASA hired him while he was still a sophomore in college.

After Jonathan left the room I started thinking about “what is creative”. As a musician/performer I realized that creative people seem to be better at a younger age then when they are older. Why is that? Maybe, emotions run wilder and blissfulness permeates our thoughts and lives when we are younger and we tend to try new things. We fail a lot but a lot of times we enjoy the adventure of dreaming and experimenting. As we get older, we know more. We know what not to do and how to grow our money and security and play it a LOT safer. Maybe that is why David Bowie, Elton John or Billy Joel seemed to write so much good music earlier in their lives.

Later that night, I presented my theory to my son and he was still in a funk. He shoved his laptop at me and said take the time to watch this. It was a video of Monty Python member John Cleese, explaining what creativeness was. I thought, Monty Python was so much funnier and crazier when Cleese was young. Here is a great example to show my son. I ask Jonathan to take the time to watch Monty Python’s Holy Grail. It’s been many years since I watched it and I wondered if my son did watch it, would he find it funny. It was a very funny group of guys creating a very funny film.

I left that thought and simply said, “Someday Jonathan, you are going to create a child which was made out of love and the giving of yourself to an unmanaged, unscripted moment. You will surely be able to call yourself creative”. I don't know if he was ready to hear that but it was how I felt.

Here is an interesting article I searched today on The Creative Personality. http://www.onbeingcreative.com/OnBei..._Creative.html

[NeedaVaca]

I love that, very touching! I think there are many different levels and types of creativity. I am surrounded by a large group of friends that are so musically talented-play multiple instruments, write songs, perform and I always thought the same of myself (not creative)! I appreciate music so much but was envious of their talent. There were times we would have parties-they would all sit in a circle passing a guitar around to more than 20 people and they could all play and sing songs-not me However, now that I'm a mom I have realized I AM creative! Just in a different way

My husband is one of those musicians and what's amazing is that my kids are so creative, my DS is 6 and has played guitar since he was old enough to hold one. We created that together

[Heidi]

I often describe my children as creative. The link you shared pretty much reads like a checklist for their personalities, with a few exceptions.

I definitely see it as an attribute. When asked at the school year's beginning about my youngest's strengths, "creative" was first on the list.

That said; there are many other attributes one can have. One can be kind or respectful, or considerate, or intelligent, or athletic, for example.

Instead of being upset about his perceived lack of "creative", he should consider and celebrate the gifts he has. Not everyone is blessed with an IQ of 165+.

On top of that, he comes from a supportive, loving, and financially secure (making assumptions here) family. So, instead of worrying about what he lacks, he could consider his many blessings.

Don't you think as we get older, that's one of those things that generally happy people realize? That we are who we are, and while we can learn new things or try improve, its OKAY to be who we are.

BTW: I'm not trying to say your son is wrong. Just offering another perspective.

[Sugar Magnolia]

Like beauty, I think creativity is in the eye of the beholder. Some people are just creative in different ways. Maybe Jonathon just hasn't discovered the mode of his creativity yet. Musical composition......such a complex undertaking. I think some composers do get more creative with age, like the Edge, for example. But that begs the question, is Edge more "creative", or just more refined in his particular sound? If you compare early U2, like "Sunday Bloody Sunday" to the newer "Crumbs From Your Table", the newer stuff is far more complex and soaring, in my opinion.

My husband composes some, for violin and piano. He can spend a month working on a piece, then not touch either instrument for months. And he really didn't start composing until he was about 35 years old. I can't play a note, but I make a helluva sand sculpture.
ETA: my science-obsessed son also feels he isn't artistic and struggles with ART CLASS at school. He was bummed he got an "S" for satisfactory instead of an "E" for excellent in art. Chemistry....no problem, drawing a picture....frustration station.

[Michael]

Thanks everyone.
I think he believes the more "knowledgable" you are the more creative you can be. But he feels like he is not creative as a person. He doesn't feel creative internally. I don't want him to be so down on himself. I'll keep working with him.

[Angelsj]

Michael, I don't know you or your son well, so please take this as intended, and only what you can use.

I have been here for a little while, and I have seen you praise your dd for her work (and it is good.) You often tell us about her work, but I do not recall a lot of bragging about your son, other than the fact that he is very smart.
I have to wonder if your son sees that you value creativity over intelligence. Is it possible that subconsciously you are somehow telling him that her creativity is more worthy of celebration than his own talents?

I find that, as parents, we tend to celebrate the child that has accomplishments we either can identify with or we wish we had done. Perhaps that is your daughter and your son can sense that?

Creativity, while worthwhile, is not a talent everyone has. If he sees the world more concretely, more black and white, that is not necessarily a bad thing. Perhaps your job is not to make him believe he is creative, but to help him see what talents he does have.

[Michael]

Michael, I don't know you or your son well, so please take this as intended, and only what you can use.

I have been here for a little while, and I have seen you praise your dd for her work (and it is good.) You often tell us about her work, but I do not recall a lot of bragging about your son, other than the fact that he is very smart.
I have to wonder if your son sees that you value creativity over intelligence. Is it possible that subconsciously you are somehow telling him that her creativity is more worthy of celebration than his own talents?

I find that, as parents, we tend to celebrate the child that has accomplishments we either can identify with or we wish we had done. Perhaps that is your daughter and your son can sense that?

Creativity, while worthwhile, is not a talent everyone has. If he sees the world more concretely, more black and white, that is not necessarily a bad thing. Perhaps your job is not to make him believe he is creative, but to help him see what talents he does have.

Probably so. I can be rather tough on him. I use to tell my mother I think in music and I do tell my daughter she is a lot like me. I will be more aware of your advice.

[Laurel]

Just a couple of thoughts. Not sure if they might help or not.

I once read that if you want to be better at something then hang around people who have that talent and figure out what they do. Encourage him to be around creative people.

I watched a video on YouTube recently that was very good about starting a home business. This guy said the biggest mistake that people make in starting a business is to give up when, at first, they aren't successful. It seems it would be this way in creative endeavors as well. He said that with each mistake there is something that you learn that you didn't know before and to build on it. My daughter does abstract art and she was told that a beginner's first 200 paintings are crap and THEN they start to get better. I definitely see her getting better past 200. Me, however, tried it and am frustrated because after 5 I still ****.

I have also noticed in trying (occasionally) to write that there aren't really that many creative ideas out there. In writing, at least, I notice the same themes. All the Hallmark movie things I like have been done before but I still like them. They are the same sappy themes that have been around for generations but people still like them. In other words, you don't have to have a radically different idea to be successful. Like how many super hero movies are there or spy movies or romance movies that all basically have the same theme year after year? There may be a little twist here and there but basically the same. People love the same story over and over. Wow, soap operas would be an example. I watched one for years and then didn't watch it for a few years and came back to it and guess what? The same two women were fighting over the same guy.....still...that is when I pretty much gave them up. Even I have my limits, .

Maybe he has some sort of writer's block type of thing going on. He may want to look up some tips on what writers do when that happens. It would probably be the same for music. I've also heard famous writers say that they think their work isn't good even after writing best sellers. They never thought it would sell. It was their agent that put it out there and people responded. Sometimes we aren't the best judge of our own work as we are too close to it.

Just some thoughts....

Laurel