Term Letter In Bag - What To Say?

[WImom]

So I finally after today just decided I need to get on with it and term a 2y old DCB that I have. I've posted about him many times (mouths everything - rocks, crayons, licks the back of puzzles, soap, you name it. He also wrecks toys, doesn't listen, etc.) Had many problems with mom and put them on probation but she has been on time paying and picking up but still having behavior problems. Did talk to mom about mouthing and she said she doesn't see it at home and just says well he's two when I say he throws puzzles and doesn't listen.

So I've decided instead of running around chasing him all day I need to regroup and term. Yesterday she dropped him off and said he's been up since 3am and I forgot his blanket for nap. Today he is still tired and bit two kids on the feet and threw puzzles all over the floor and just walked around with his thumb in his mouth in a daze. He just needs more attention (& SLEEP) than I being by myself can give him which is what I told her in the letter. I am finally full so I think now is the time since I can afford to let him go. BUT what do I say at pick up when I hand her the letter?? I've never termed except once when it was mutual during the trial period. If grandma picks up I'll just stick it in his bag and email mom with a heads up but I'm sure I won't be that lucky and she'll pick up today!

[Heidi]

well, with mine, I did tell her and hand her the letter. I think I started with "we need to talk"

Then, something like "this isn't an easy thing to do, but I'm going to have to terminate our childcare arrangement" (not terminate your kids). It'd been a whole year, though, so it was harder, I think. A year of HE**!!! x4

[TwinKristi]

I would email mom and let her know there's a letter in the bag for her IF Gma picks up, otherwise hand it to her. That's gotta be hard, I haven't term'd anyone yet but got close. He ended up leaving a anyway. Whew!

[sharlan]

I see where you said you would hand it to her. I think that is the right way to do it. I would NEVER put a term letter in the bag, always hand it directly to the parent. IMHO, putting a letter in the bag is unprofessional. If Mom doesn't pick up today, give her the letter tomorrow.

DCP,

As of (fill in the blank), I will no longer be able to provide care for Johnny.



Keep it short, sweet, and to the point. Do not offer explanations, do not go into any details.

[Blackcat31]

I see where you said you would hand it to her. I think that is the right way to do it. I would NEVER put a term letter in the bag, always hand it directly to the parent. IMHO, putting a letter in the bag is unprofessional. If Mom doesn't pick up today, give her the letter tomorrow.

I agree about handing it directly to mom verses putting it in the bag.

I usually hand parents the letter and say "This is for you. Please read it carefully. If you have any questions, just let me know."

If they ask what it's about I usually reply that it's personal and I would prefer not to discuss at the moment. ESPECIALLY if other daycare parents are present.

IME, parents usually know the term is coming.

[WImom]

Thanks! I will hand it to mom unless grandma comes and then I'll put it in the bag and email her. If I don't do it today I'll probably chicken out...

[Lucy]

I'm a big chicken when it comes to stuff like that. I don't want anyone to hate me or think negatively of me. I have issues!

I think I'd have it in my hand, do a big sigh, and as I'm in the process of handing it to her, say "Well, bad news. ... I just don't think I can make this work." She's going to know what you mean by that. Especially since you've discussed it before. AND, you're handing her an envelope and told her it was bad news.

Go by her response or her questions as to what you do next. If she says why, say "well, it's all in the letter, but pretty much I just can't devote the extra time to Junior. It's taking my attention away from the other kids."

Don't make anything negative or "insulting" about her kid. (I'm not saying you would intentionally insult her child, but parents tend to twist things that way!) Just say you tried, but it just isn't going to work out.

If it were me, I'd include the phone number to your local resource & referral, and a recommendation of a local newspaper where she could find classified ads for childcare. Even suggest craigslist if you want. Make it seem like you're on her side and want her to easily be able to find a replacement.

Good luck!! Let us know how it goes tonight!!!!

[countrymom]

mom should have had some sort idea that it was coming. Just hugs to you and be brave!

[Laurel]

I'm a big chicken when it comes to stuff like that. I don't want anyone to hate me or think negatively of me. I have issues!

I think I'd have it in my hand, do a big sigh, and as I'm in the process of handing it to her, say "Well, bad news. ... I just don't think I can make this work." She's going to know what you mean by that. Especially since you've discussed it before. AND, you're handing her an envelope and told her it was bad news.

Go by her response or her questions as to what you do next. If she says why, say "well, it's all in the letter, but pretty much I just can't devote the extra time to Junior. It's taking my attention away from the other kids."

Don't make anything negative or "insulting" about her kid. (I'm not saying you would intentionally insult her child, but parents tend to twist things that way!) Just say you tried, but it just isn't going to work out.

If it were me, I'd include the phone number to your local resource & referral, and a recommendation of a local newspaper where she could find classified ads for childcare. Even suggest craigslist if you want. Make it seem like you're on her side and want her to easily be able to find a replacement.

Good luck!! Let us know how it goes tonight!!!!

Also, if she doesn't pick up, I'd call her. I personally think it is a bit unprofessional not to give news like this in person or at least on the phone. Hard but necessary. You'll feel soooo good afterwards. Good luck!

[Lucy]

Did she pick up, or did Grandma????

[WImom]

Mom picked up and I was in the middle of doing a game with the kids and he started right away with not listening to her. I just told her there was a note to read in his bag regarding her child and that I was out of wipes and needed more. Of course she brought me no wipes today and basically brought him dropped him on the floor and left. Said nothing to me. Poor kid was crying after I got his coat off because she didn't wave out the window. I will have his things together tomorrow incase she does not pay for next week. DH can take it out to her after she leaves.

I will be emailing her this afternoon to say since she didn't want to talk this morning (they are my 1st arrival) that I was going to suggest that I think he would benefit going to a provider who can provide two naps (since the poor kid sleeps 9 hours a night). And possibly somewhere with two providers. I will also remind her I need wipes if he is attending tomorrow.

I can understand she is mad but she really shouldn't see this as a surprise. My letter was to the point but kind.

I am thinking grandma will pick up today.