Would Appreciate Some Advice

[Josiegirl]

I have had a dcg since the end of August, 3 1/2, a sweet kid, good all around. So what's the problem? Well, lately she's been either wetting her pants occasionally or her pull-ups during naps(only concerned when she stays awake during naptime and still doesn't use the toilet). Dcm wants me to put her in time-out when she has accidents because she's making a wrong choice about using the bathroom. She also doesn't want me asking her if she needs to go but telling her to go.
I'd just like some thoughts on this. Thanks!
I want to add that this is a wonderful family who I like a lot. I guess I'm just uncomfortable placing children in time out over potty issues.

[melilley]

I wouldn't put the child in a time out for wetting their pants. I would however, have the child go, or try to go to the bathroom every so often and also right before nap.

Is she doing it on purpose or is it really an accident? It sounds like it's occasional and to me, that's normal.

[Josiegirl]

There are certain times of the day when I make all the potty-trained kids use the bathroom, such as before we go outside or before/after naptime. I'll have to step up on making her go more often. It's just that for the first 3 months or so that she was here, I never even had to remind her to go.
She's not really doing it on purpose but then she's quite capable of using the bathroom. I very seldom use time outs at all, let alone for things like this, but when dcm emailed me tonight she sounded rather upset that I didn't time her out for peeing in her pull-ups while she was awake.

I guess it's one of those things where we're not going to please all the people all the time.

[melilley]

There are certain times of the day when I make all the potty-trained kids use the bathroom, such as before we go outside or before/after naptime. I'll have to step up on making her go more often. It's just that for the first 3 months or so that she was here, I never even had to remind her to go.
She's not really doing it on purpose but then she's quite capable of using the bathroom. I very seldom use time outs at all, let alone for things like this, but when dcm emailed me tonight she sounded rather upset that I didn't time her out for peeing in her pull-ups while she was awake.

I guess it's one of those things where we're not going to please all the people all the time.

I had a 3 year old dcb who was like your dcg. Dcm would get so mad at the poor little boy when he had accidents. Half of the time I didn't even want to tell her because of comments she would make, but he was obviously in different clothes. She even told the dcb that she was going to follow him around all night with the potty chair if he went in his pants! She never told me to put him in t/o, but you could tell she was hinting at me to do something. I just kept reminding him to go and eventually he stopped going in his pants.

If you don't want to put dcg in t/o, you could tell dcm that it's against regs to punish a child for going to the bathroom. I'm pretty sure if someone official was there and witnessed a child being put in t/o for going to the bathroom in their pants, we would get in trouble.

[TwinKristi]

I'm not sure that that's even legal?? :confused:

Honestly I wouldn't do it. Everything I have heard and read (and experienced) says that won't be beneficial to the child and if anything cause MORE problems.

[JoseyJo]

I totally don't think licensing would be okay with that. I would either check into it, or tell her you checked into it, and that it is not allowed.

[Unregistered]

I did it with my own child. He was 3 1/2 and had been completely potty trained for maybe 6 months and suddenly started having accidents. Because I know my own child as well as I do and because of how he was acting about it, we knew for certain it was a power struggle.

I would not, however, do it with someone else's child. If I was wrong about the reason it was happening it could be made worse.

[spinnymarie]

Yeah, in IL you are specifically not allowed to punish/discipline kids over potty issues.
I definitely am on board, though, with telling her she is required to try to use the bathroom at certain times. I often tell everyone they have to try - like get on the potty and think about going potty - unless they went within the previous 5-10 minutes.

[Leigh]

I have had a dcg since the end of August, 3 1/2, a sweet kid, good all around. So what's the problem? Well, lately she's been either wetting her pants occasionally or her pull-ups during naps(only concerned when she stays awake during naptime and still doesn't use the toilet). Dcm wants me to put her in time-out when she has accidents because she's making a wrong choice about using the bathroom. She also doesn't want me asking her if she needs to go but telling her to go.
I'd just like some thoughts on this. Thanks!
I want to add that this is a wonderful family who I like a lot. I guess I'm just uncomfortable placing children in time out over potty issues.

I would just state that it is against regs, as well as counter-productive and just plain wrong to punish a child for wetting and put my foot down and say no way. Then provide parent with information on how to potty train.

[blandino]

I wouldn't put her in time-out. IF you and the parent agrees it is INTENTIONAL, then I would tell the child that if she pees in her underwear, she will need to wear a diaper. Not as a punishment, but a logical consequence. She is old enough to understand "Underwear are for girls who use the toilet, diapers are for girls who pee in their pants. If you choose to pee in your pants, then you will wear a diaper".

I have a 2.5 year old DCB who has recently started peeing in his pants so that he gets to change his clothes. He likes the attention and the process of changing. So his mother and I told him if he wanted to pee in his pants, he would need to wear a diaper. It really solved any purposeful wetting.

[Josiegirl]

Thank you all so much! I always second guess myself so it means a lot to have an educated forum where I can ask questions like these! I'll also contact my resource person today and get her thoughts. I knew it didn't feel right to me; I've never put a child in TO for potty issues. I'm also going to let dcm know.

Thanks again!

[SSWonders]

Where I am regulations don't allow time outs or any sort of "shaming" for accidents. As far as telling her to go, I do that all the time. Young children often get too involved in what they're doing to want to stop to go to the bathroom. I'd rather tell them to make sure they are comfortable and to make sure I don't have an unpleasant clean up to handle.

[providerandmomof4]

Where I am regulations don't allow time outs or any sort of "shaming" for accidents. As far as telling her to go, I do that all the time. Young children often get too involved in what they're doing to want to stop to go to the bathroom. I'd rather tell them to make sure they are comfortable and to make sure I don't have an unpleasant clean up to handle.

I even have the older dck's (4) try to go before an outing or playing outside. Occasionally I will get wrapped up in getting the littles ready and dcg will wait until we get outside and say, "Ms K, you forgot to remind me to go potty again."

[Maria2013]

I have had a dcg since the end of August, 3 1/2, a sweet kid, good all around. So what's the problem? Well, lately she's been either wetting her pants occasionally or her pull-ups during naps(only concerned when she stays awake during naptime and still doesn't use the toilet). Dcm wants me to put her in time-out when she has accidents because she's making a wrong choice about using the bathroom. She also doesn't want me asking her if she needs to go but telling her to go.
I'd just like some thoughts on this. Thanks!
I want to add that this is a wonderful family who I like a lot. I guess I'm just uncomfortable placing children in time out over potty issues.

"accidents" happen and if she does it cause there are other issues she's working through it, it is still no good reason to put her on Time Out or shame her in any other way
I ignore wetting during nap time, that's why a child is in pull-ups

go with your guts, I myself would never allow a parent to tell me how to discipline a child while in my care

[renodeb]

I would not place the child in time out for that. Shaming a child is not the way to approach that. I think all children need reminders to go to the bathroom. My 8 year old niece almost didnt make it to the restroom b/c she didnt want to leave a game she was playing. With my kids who are potty training I always take them to the restroom right before and right after nap. I also try and decrease there liquids to. You could always use the dc regs and say that timeouts are not allowed if it becomes and issue.